“What?” Harlem looked confused.
“You just have a little . . .” Carter reached over and wiped some bbq off the corner of her lips. As he pulled his hand back, their gazes locked and held.
“Thanks.” She said softly. “Carter, we should talk.” There goes following his cues.
He glanced away. “Talk about what?”
“What happened today.”
Shit. Okay. If she’s ready to have that conversation about the kiss, then I’ve got to knuckle up.
“I saw the look on your face as you watched the monitor.”
It wasn’t the conversation he thought she was about to bring up, but they needed to talk about that too. “I’ve had several come to Jesus moments today, and seeing the baby for the first time on the monitor was certainly one of them.” He paused.
Harlem touched his arm when it seemed as if he couldn’t find the words. “Talk to me.”
Carter drew in a breath and released it before speaking. “I don’t think I can watch this baby grow up like a spectator.”
“What does that mean?”
Slowly, Carter inhaled and exhaled. “My father was absent even when he was present. I was always afraid if I ever had kids, I’d be just like him. I never thought I had anything to offer to a child. But today, in the doctor’s office, I felt differently.”
“I always thought of Damian as the father.”
Carter was disappointed, but her response should have been expected. “I know.” He said quietly.
“I don’t anymore.”
He looked up into her eyes. “You don’t?”
“Not since we went to the gravesite.”
“I know you’re still angry, but when that wears off, do you think you might feel differently?”
“I’m pretty sure I won’t.” Harlem decided to come clean. “Damian and I both knew that something was wrong with our relationship long before I got pregnant. I think we hoped that this baby would fix it. I’m not sure either of us realized at the time what we were doing or why. I know for me, I hoped getting pregnant was a way to help us feel connected.”
Carter was genuinely surprised. “You never felt connected?”
Harlem glanced down at her hands. “No. Not in the way I should have. You can’t be all that surprised. You heard me at the gravesite.”
“I heard a woman who was rightfully hurt and angry.”
“I was very angry with him, but mostly with myself. Don’t get me wrong, Damian was my best friend. He had all the qualifications for my perfect guy. I should have been in love with him. I don’t understand why I wasn’t. I hoped with more time, eventually, I would be. I know now that it never would have worked out that way.”
“I don’t know, Harlem. Damian loved you very much.”
“Damian loved the idea of me. We didn’t see eye-to-eye on so many things, but I know he desperately wanted a family. Something he never had growing up. I was an idealized fantasy come to life. He was my exact opposite. He would have been miserable if this relationship had continued, and so would I.”
Carter was finding it hard to digest her words. “I know one thing. He would have been a great dad.”
“No doubt about it.” She agreed.
“Damian and I share a lot of the same hang-ups.”
I know, which is why I have no idea why I feel more connected to you. “I guess it’s part of the thing that bonded you.”
“Harlem, I can do this. I want to do this.”
“What does that mean?”
“It means I don’t want this baby to know me as an uncle. I want to be her father.”
“It’s a big step and an even bigger commitment. Is that truly what you want?”
Carter reached for her hands and held them firmly in his. “It’s what I want.” And so are you, but you, I cannot have.
“Are you sure it’s not just the emotions from the day? I mean, you kissed me and then acted as if it never happened. You also gave me a rose–on Valentine’s Day. We’re just friends, right?”
“I don’t know if I should have done that. I guess I just got caught up. But, there is a part of me that hopes we can be more than friends.”
Harlem’s heart started to accelerate. “More?”
“Yes. I want us to be parents to this little miracle. I hope you give me the opportunity.”
Harlem hoped her face didn’t reveal her disappointment. She could also kick herself for wanting to explore anything romantic with Carter. Instead of voicing what was really going on in her head, Harlem smiled. His declaration was good news. “If that’s what you really want, I could never stand in the way.”
Carter exhaled in relief. That battle was over. He had a feeling the biggest battle was just getting started.
Chapter 29
Harlem was stuffed. She rested her head on the back of the sofa and patted her stomach. “God, I don’t think I can eat another bite.”
“Right.” He twisted his lips to the side. “I don’t believe that for a second. I know for a fact around eight o’clock you’re going to want some black-walnut ice-cream.”
“True. You’re going to have to make sure I’m home by then. You stocked up my freezer with enough for the two years.” She laughed.
“I knew that craving was serious when you’re ass got car-jacked over it.”
“Wow. That seems like so long ago.”
“You don’t have to wait until you get home. I stopped off at the store and picked some up. So, if you get a sweet tooth, you’re all set.”
“Really?”
“Yep.”
“Wow. Who would have thought?” She said.
“What?”
“I never would have imagined
