Harlem couldn’t believe how her life had changed over the past couple of months. Her entire world had been turned on its head.
She took a deep breath.
It was still hard to wrap her mind around being pregnant. She didn’t feel like she was carrying around a human being, but the doctors had verified it on more than one occasion. Being a single parent hadn’t been in her life-plan. The thought of termination had entered her mind more than she would have liked to admit. It would be best for everyone. Wouldn’t it? She wondered.
It would also sever any remaining ties to him. Harlem didn’t know if she could do that. The guilt and shame she felt for even having those thoughts were overwhelming. She wished she could have a day where her despair wasn’t so crushing, and the weight of her situation wasn’t sitting so heavy on her shoulders. Carter was really trying to help, but he was a whole other problem. Their situation was so complicated. Harlem had no idea how to navigate it.
The water was starting to cool. She massaged some leave-in conditioner into her hair, then turned off the shower and got out. Harlem rummaged through a drawer until she found a yellow plastic cap and put it on. She would let the conditioner sit for a while. Harlem quickly dressed and went out into the living room. She did feel somewhat better.
Carter was sitting on the sofa with his feet up, watching a basketball game. He glanced up. “About time. I slaved in that kitchen to make you breakfast, and now you’re going to have to reheat it.”
“I didn’t ask you.”
“You need to eat and put on some weight.”
“God, you sound like my mom.”
Carter started to get up. “I’ll put it in the microwave.”
“That’s okay.” Harlem picked up her plate and inspected it. “Wow. I’m slightly impressed.”
That was the Harlem that Carter was most comfortable with.
She went into the kitchen and was back in a few minutes. Harlem sat down on the sofa opposite Carter and curled her feet underneath her. She took a bite of food. “You really didn’t have to do this, but I’m so glad you did.”
“Is that something that resembles a compliment? I’m going to have to mark this down on my calendar.”
Harlem wasted no time scarfing down her breakfast.
The two of them sat in awkward silence for some time. Harlem finally spoke. “Carter, I . . . I think I’m sorry about earlier. I kind of go back and forth with my anger.”
“Just let me know when it’s bubbling up so I can get out of the way.” He was only half-joking. Especially since they hadn’t really talked since that day.
“This situation is a mess.”
He sighed. “Yep, but we have no choice but to figure it out.”
“You keep saying that, but . . . How is Elaina handling everything?”
He signed. “I won’t lie. About as well as we are.”
Harlem had a faraway look in her eyes. “I never thought in a million years that we would be here.”
“Me either. The mere thought that you and I would be able to sit on a couch and have a regular conversation is a small miracle.”
Harlem smiled slightly. “That’s not what I’m talking about.”
“Got to find the twisted humor in this.”
“I know it might seem like it, but I don’t exactly hate you.”
He held her gaze. “You just wish he was here and not me.”
It stunned Harlem that Carter was so matter-of-fact. She was ashamed because he wasn’t wrong. She glanced down at her hands. “I don’t mean to direct my anger at you.”
“Since when?” He laughed. “It’s no secret how you feel about me.”
“It just hurts. When I see you, I see him. Not to mention, we’re like oil and water. Damian was the glue that kept us from killing each other.”
He agreed. “He was definitely that. For the record, I wish he was here too. But he’s not. That’s why I’m standing in the gap.”
“No offense, but it’s hard to imagine. You’ve always run away from anything resembling commitment. I’ve never even known you to have a serious girlfriend. Elaina is the first, and children are an even bigger commitment.”
“I never wanted to have kids, but you are having a baby.” Carter was careful not to say his baby. “I can’t ignore that. That child has my DNA. I won’t ignore that either. Regardless of how we feel about each other, we’ve got to set those feelings aside and do what’s best for this child.”
Harlem lowered her head and swallowed hard. “I know.”
“That means you’ve got to start taking better care of yourself. I need to know that you’re eating, sleeping, and doing all that you can to bring a healthy baby into this world.”
Harlem couldn’t believe how the tables had turned. Carter was being the responsible one.Despite how much she wanted to crawl up into a ball, Harlem had to get it together. “You’re right.”
He expected more pushback. “What? That’s it? I’m right about something?”
“This is one of the very few times that you are right, and I’m woman enough to admit it.”
He studied her hard. “You’re going to be okay, and so am I.” Carter wasn’t so sure when they would get to okay, and what it would look like when they did, but it was all he had to hold on to.
Chapter 6
Harlem walked into her office for the first time in two months. She stood in the center of the room and slowly did a three-sixty turn.
Everything felt different even though her office was exactly
