His death was unexpected, but she couldn’t truly lay that at Alejandro’s door. If it hadn’t been Thailand, it would have been something else. Her father had always been a bit of a daredevil. Skydiving, rock climbing, bungee jumping, swimming with sharks—it was a wonder he’d lived as long as he had.
She’d talked about all of this with Charlotte and her friend agreed. Her father’s choices had been his own, though Alejandro’s maneuvers with the bank loans and closing on them were despicable. It might be business, but it was still despicable. She’d made the right choice to leave at the time, but now?
Rebecca splayed a hand over her abdomen possessively. What a damned mess she was in. Pregnant and alone—and still in love with her baby’s father. That was the worst part of all. Try and deny it though she might, she was in love with Alejandro de Ramirez. She didn’t know when she’d fallen again—or maybe she’d never stopped loving him.
Love wasn’t something you turned on and off like a faucet, however much she might wish it were so. She was still in love with the man who’d ruined her. And she was carrying his child. It didn’t get much more hopeless than that. She’d tried to stop, but it was going to take a lot longer than a month. Alejandro had been a bastard to her, but he’d also been tender and loving and protective. He’d reminded her of an abused animal that wanted love but was too afraid to get close enough. She’d thought—mistakenly—that if she just kept trying, he’d begin to trust again.
She’d been wrong.
The nights since she’d left Madrid were the worst. She was lonelier than she’d ever been, especially at night. She hated sleeping in her bed so much she’d finally dragged a blanket to the couch and slept there. She missed Alejandro’s big warm body, his intense lovemaking, the rare smile that changed his features and bound her heart.
He obviously did not feel the same about her. He hadn’t called, hadn’t followed her, hadn’t written a text or an email. He clearly wasn’t tortured by sleepless nights and memories. The only thing she’d received from Spain was a severance check from Ramirez Enterprises. Not that she’d cashed it yet, but she would have to soon.
No, Alejandro didn’t love her or even miss her. She was on her own and now she had a baby on the way. That thought made her shiver a little. It would be difficult, but she’d manage. She was a fighter, and she’d fight to give her baby the best life possible. A life filled with love and attention, not the kind of lonely life she’d had growing up.
Rebecca went to the kitchen and fixed a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. She had to eat and be strong for this child. She had no choice. She set the sandwich down after the first bite and blinked back sudden tears.
She and Alejandro had made a baby together. It was a miracle. An amazing, beautiful miracle.
Oh, Alejandro, I want you to know. I want you to love us.
Rebecca swallowed. She didn’t know how to be a mother. She’d always been busy with her career. She’d had friends with babies, but she didn’t understand how they knew what to do. Her own mother would certainly be no help. The woman didn’t have a maternal bone in her body.
What if Rebecca didn’t either? What if, in spite of her best intentions, she put this baby through the sort of neglectful existence she’d endured?
She drew in a shaky breath. It rattled out again and ended in a sob.
She had to tell Alejandro. He deserved to know, even if he rejected them both. For a moment, she considered pretending the baby was someone else’s and keeping it to herself. But she couldn’t do that to him.
Not after Anya. He’d loved his daughter, and he would love this child too, no matter how much he might hate the baby’s mother.
But how to make sure he didn’t try to take their baby away once he or she was born?
Rebecca didn’t know, but she would never allow that to happen. This baby was hers. Hers and his, and she loved it more than she’d ever loved anything in her life. She wasn’t telling Alejandro today. Probably not even tomorrow. She’d tell him when she figured out how to deal with him and let him know in no uncertain terms that he wasn’t taking this baby away.
Though how could she stop him? That was what worried her most of all.
25
The next few days were a blur. Between doctors’ appointments and preparing for the move to London, Rebecca didn’t have much time to herself. She’d had a quick dinner with Charlotte—Chinese takeout in her apartment—and told her about the baby. Charlotte had been thrilled for her, and sympathetic too. When she’d asked if Rebecca was planning to tell Alejandro, she’d said of course she was. But she still didn’t quite know how to do it.
The movers would be here tomorrow and she would fly the day after that. It was all so fast, but that’s how she wanted it. Maybe after she was settled in London, she’d call Alejandro and give him the news.
She stopped at the bookstore on her way home and picked up two books about pregnancy and one on mothering. Who knew they had such things? But thank the Lord they did because she would need all the help she could get. She still hadn’t figured out how to integrate this new life inside her with the one she knew—the long days at the office, the endless meetings and business trips—but there had to be something in these books that would help.
She thought of the evenings when she used to sit