Her face turned pink. “I didn’t know what to do. You’d never even kissed me before that night—and then when you did, I practically forced myself on you.”
Neo could only gape at her. “Wait—is that why you avoided me? You thought you forced yourself on me?”
It was laughable, but she didn’t look anything other than serious. Her gaze dropped to the table and he knew she really believed it. After everything he’d done to her that night? What the fuck?
“You were trying to be a good friend, and I crossed a line. I didn’t mean to, but I was lonely and you were always so nice to me. And yes, I had a crush on you. When you kissed me, I lost my head—” She broke off, shook her head. “Anyway, I’m sorry I did that. I didn’t know what to say after it happened, and you never said anything either. I assumed you wanted to forget about it.”
She astounded him. All this time he’d thought she’d been the one who wanted to forget it happened. He leaned toward her. Put a finger beneath her chin and forced her to look at him. Her skin was still flushed pretty pink. He had a strong urge to kiss her, but he didn’t. If he did, he might not stop.
“I wasn’t pissed at first, Kayla. I was confused. You left without a word, and I figured you had a good reason. So I didn’t push you, even when you never said anything about that night. But I did get angry—at you for leaving, at me for letting that night happen in the first place. I thought I’d pushed you too far, asked too much of you in bed. Hell, I even convinced myself you needed a different kind of man in your life. A doctor or a lawyer or something. A plain vanilla kind of guy with a good job and all the stability you could hope for.”
She wrapped her fingers around his wrist and squeezed. “I don’t want a doctor or a lawyer. I never did. I want you, Zach. You’re exactly the man I need.”
Chapter Six
Kayla’s heart thudded at what she’d said. I want you. Those words were filled with so much meaning. Too much meaning. More than she wanted to admit to herself right now. Or to him. Especially to him.
She started to pull her hand back. Zach stopped her with a hand over hers. His skin was warm, reassuring. His palm was callused in places, smooth in others. The hand of a warrior. The hand of a man who could protect her.
The hand of a man she wanted with her whole heart.
A frisson of joy and pain rolled through her at that thought. What if he didn’t want her the same way? What if he never did? Real marriage or not, he’d never mentioned love. Not once.
She thought of what Chloe had said. He’d denied it, but that didn’t mean there wasn’t someone in his past he’d never gotten over. Someone he couldn’t have for some reason.
“I want you to understand something,” he said, and her belly tightened. “I wanted you badly that night—but I wasn’t going to make the first move beyond that kiss. I didn’t want you to think I expected anything from you when we were hanging out as friends. When we kissed and you wanted more—well, hell, it was a fantasy come true for me. You’re hot, Kayla, and I wanted you. Then I woke up and you were gone. I thought you regretted it and wanted to forget all about it, especially when you seemed to be pretending it hadn’t happened. Do you understand why I believed that?”
She did. The knowledge of what he must have thought after she’d fled that morning made her ache with regret. She’d waited for him to text her, but he never did. She hadn’t texted him either. If she could go back and do things differently, she would. “Yes,” she whispered. “I understand.”
The waitress arrived to top off the drinks they’d barely touched and then flitted away again. Zach sat back in his chair and Kayla turned her attention to Ana, who’d scattered Cheerios everywhere. But Ana was happy and steadily gnawing the little treats, so Kayla didn’t have to do anything for her.
“She’s a happy baby, isn’t she?” Zach asked.
Kayla could genuinely smile at the question. “Yes. She doesn’t fuss over much. She sleeps through the night most of the time and she never gives me trouble. I’m a lucky mama.”
“She looks a lot like you.”
“Except for her dark hair. That’s all James.” Kayla hated saying his name. She hated that she shared a child with the man, but she wouldn’t trade her time with him if it meant she’d have never had her baby. Ana was worth the pain that being with James had caused. “I hate that her father is a criminal. Someday I’ll have to tell her the truth. She deserves to know.”
Zach nodded. “She does, but that day is pretty far in the future, don’t you think?”
“Yes.” Kayla took a sip of her iced tea, feeling more hopeful as the prospect of a future with Zach stretched before her. But how much of a future? That was the part she didn’t know. The part that troubled her.
“I see the gears turning in your head, Kayla.”
She looked at him in surprise, then laughed softly. “I guess they are. I was just thinking about the future. Wondering if you might regret getting married.”
“Regret taking care of you and Ana when you need me? Not likely.”
She didn’t say what she was really thinking. That he would regret her. Saddling himself to her. That she was manipulating him into something the same way she’d manipulated Bailey and Alexei into caring for Ana when she’d gone into hiding several months ago.
“You can’t really know that.”
His eyes flashed hot with anger. It surprised
