And what am I going to do?
I can go back to tending bar or waiting tables to make some extra money, but other than that I have no idea. And it wouldn’t be enough. I suppose I could break my lease and find a cheaper apartment with a roommate, too. Even that feels like utter defeat.
I want to cry. I want to curl up in a ball and hide from the world. But what I want doesn’t matter. If it did, I wouldn’t be so damn broke.
Macie knew the minute she hit send that she shouldn’t have sent the message. Up to this point, they’d been less emotional in their notes. To the point that she knew he was holding back because she’d hurt him. If he knew she hadn’t really stood him up, he’d be less formal. But if he knew she hadn’t really stood him up, he’d know it was Macie and then shit would’ve really hit the fan. She just needed someone to talk to. And he was the obvious choice.
A red one appeared on the inbox. Macie hadn’t even realized she was staring at it.
I have a friend in a similar situation. He’s devastated by the bill. It’s hard to see him go through this, but that’s the way loans like that work. You’ll spend most of your time paying the interest without paying much on the principal. Once you’ve paid their interest rates, then you’ll slowly pay down the amount you actually borrowed. It’s like a mortgage, in a way.
It sounds like your financial planner was an idiot, too. Or he/she didn’t know anything about student loans. I’d suggest paying what you can until you can meet with a professional advisor who can help you figure out where you need to be and what you can do to get there. You can always defer payment as underemployed, but that won’t stop the interest from adding up. The short version now is to cut any expenses you can. I’d hate to see you take on another job, too. Getting ahead is hard enough with one job. I wish I could help more, but without having any details, it’s hard to give advice. Just do what you can. And remember that you’re not alone. A lot other people are getting those bills, too.
Macie sighed. That definitely sounded like know-it-all Zac. It irritated her to no end. She wasn’t about to let it go either.
You know what pisses me off. That nobody warned me. Go to college, they said. Get a degree, they said. That’s the only way to get ahead, they said. You would think a damn high school guidance counselor would tell you about things like this. But, nope. Instead, it’s the same bullshit. You have to have a degree to get ahead. But you have to pay out your ass for the rest of your life to get that degree. And you’ll never get ahead.
My mom never went to college. She made her own way the only way she knew how. She wanted more for me. She’s busted her ass her entire life waiting tables and catering to drunks. Now it looks like I’ll get to do that along with my day job. Who’s the fool here?
It makes me wonder if any of this was really worth it.
She hit send and stared at the message box, waiting for his reply. Her anger dissipated as she watched for the red one. She regretted how she wrote about her mom. It wasn’t fair. Her mother did the best she could with what she had. She supported Macie and gave her everything she needed. Macie was happy even if she never had a new car or the most fashionable clothes. She encouraged Macie to be more than a waitress. Macie wanted to make her mom proud. Instead she felt like a complete failure. The message appeared and Macie didn’t hesitate.
I wish I knew what to do to help you. Your mom sounds great. I’m willing to bet she’s proud of you for working hard to get that degree. A friend of mine waited tables and tended bar through college. First at a diner, then at a local club. It wasn’t so bad. At least, I don’t think she hated it. She often bragged about the money she made on tips. There’s no shame in it.
But maybe there’s something else you can do? I don’t know how to help since I have no idea what your degree is in or what you do for a living now. That makes it difficult since I’m pretty good with money. All I can do right now is listen. So, vent away. It won’t help, but it will clear your head enough to think.
Macie clicked reply, but she didn’t really know what to say. She did brag about the money she made working two nights a week. What a fool she’d been. All of that cash and she didn’t save enough of it. She’d stupidly listened to that school’s financial advisor and saved a meager ten percent. She read the second paragraph again. But maybe there’s something else you can do? What else was there? Most jobs in graphic design worked the same hours she already did. Anything she worked had to be outside of her regular hours. Nancy had given her the go-ahead to freelance, but Macie had no idea where to start.
The canvas caught her eye. It wasn’t finished, but suddenly she knew what it needed, how to finish it. Macie set her tablet down and headed toward the closet by the kitchen. She pulled open the door, took out a larger canvas and a smaller one. They were the last of her art supplies. Time had been tight and so had the
