“Damn,” he said to the empty room.
16
Angelo Talks with Security
Angelo wished it was Monday instead of Sunday. He’d have work to distract him from thoughts of Yuri. He tried to amuse himself in a variety of ways, not that any of them worked. In the end, he left to take a walk to a nearby cafe to get something to eat. He settled down, ate an omelet and drank an entire pot of tea, and did his best to divert himself by reading news articles on his phone, but his mind kept going back to Yuri.
There was a paradox running through Angelo’s thoughts and he felt like he needed to reconcile it before he went insane, but he wasn’t sure how. Fact: Angelo was not gay and wasn’t attracted to men. He was attracted to women. Angelo was therefore straight. Also fact: Angelo had gotten hard just from being near Yuri’s nearly naked body. Fact: Angelo had no interest in another man’s body. If he really wanted to handle a dick, he had one attached to his own body. And also fact: Angelo wanted to touch Yuri again. Everywhere. Even there. Especially there.
Angelo didn’t know what to do. His life had become a complicated calculus equation with no clear solution. He’d like someone to talk to, but wasn’t sure who. His parents were out, as was his sister. He had a few friends from Oxford and sometimes they’d get together and go out for drinks, but they weren’t the sort of friends one could discuss personal existential crises with. They’d probably look at him funny and tell him to stop acting so gay. Which, now that he thought about it, his Oxford friends were all arseholes of one variety or another.
It was probably Yuri’s influence. After years of too much togetherness, Yuri colored every aspect of Angelo’s world to one degree or another, and that included even his friends. Angelo wouldn’t know what to do with a nice friend. It would feel entirely unnatural.
He walked back to his flat slowly, enjoying the mild autumn weather. He wasn’t looking forward to winter. He thought longingly of Tanzhir winters, where in the southern-most part of the country, it was still warm enough to swim even in January. But he wasn’t ready to go home quite yet, didn’t want to resign from his position, and, if he was being entirely honest, he couldn’t imagine being that far away from Yuri. Tanzhir and England were thousands of kilometers apart. Being in London while Yuri was in Oxford was bad enough, but Angelo knew that he could be by Yuri’s side within two hours if there was an emergency. He wouldn’t have that luxury living in Tanzhir.
Roger, the guard who’d accompanied Angelo on his walk, ushered Angelo into his building then pushed the lift button. There were four guards who watched him on a rotational basis, and Angelo had never had a conversation with any of them.
“Roger, can I ask you a question?” Angelo said once they were alone in the lift.
“Of course, your highness.” Roger sounded entirely unconcerned. He was maybe twenty years Angelo’s senior, but looked like he could probably kill a man with his bare hands and not crease his suit while he did so. Even Angelo, who had always been muscular thanks to playing lacrosse and rugby, was intimidated by Roger. Still, he was here and Angelo felt like he had no one else to talk to.
“Okay. Say, for instance, you found someone attractive that you normally wouldn’t, but you’re not sure what’s causing the attraction and if it’s just a momentary aberration or if it’s permanent, and what if you act upon it, but it’s not permanent? What if it goes away one day and you find you’ve boxed yourself into a corner? And what if you’re already boxed in anyway? Should you just go with it and hope for the best, or try to keep things as they always have been? Although even that isn’t really normal.”
Roger never took his eyes off the doors to the lift. “I am a happily married man, your highness.”
Angelo wasn’t sure what that had to do with anything, other than rubbing in Angelo’s face that he was alone in being completely arsed up.
“That’s… nice. I’m happy for you. But it doesn’t help solve my problem.” He glanced over at Roger, who had a small, smirky smile on his face.
“I’m sorry, sir. I couldn’t help myself. To answer your question, no one ever knows if anything will be permanent. That’s not how relationships work. You just… go in and hope and if it’s something you want, you’ll work for it. If it isn’t worth sacrifices, the relationship won’t last.”
The lift stopped on Angelo’s floor and the doors opened. As they walked down the hall to their respective flats, Angelo saw something—no, someone—huddled against his door. As he walked closer, his heart sped up. It was Yuri. Was he hurt? Why was he here and not in Oxford? Had something gone wrong? Angelo hadn’t gotten any calls or notifications, but Yuri was notorious for either not charging his mobile or forgetting it all together. He started to sprint towards his door, Roger right behind him.
“Yuri! What’s going on? Why aren’t you back in Oxford? Where’s your security. Do not tell me you ditched him again. I’ll see your detail is replaced with someone more competent.”
Yuri blinked up at Angelo, his huge, sad eyes narrowing with irritation. Angelo found he vastly preferred that to Yuri’s tragic air. “Keep your paws off my security,” he snapped, then stood as gracefully as his extremely tight jeans would allow. “I didn’t ditch Jeremy. He’s in with your guards, chilling out, doing what guards do when they’re left alone. Maybe it’s an orgy. I’ve no idea.”
Roger snorted. “I hope it’s not
