“I remember Abuela teaching me to make them, si,” she admitted slowly. “But not you being there.”
“I never went into the kitchen. I never even spoke,” he told her quietly. “I stood there and watched like a child at the windowof a sweet shop. You were so beautiful to me. I was enchanted.”
Ildaria heard G.G. growl from the end of the room and his mother shush him, but didn’t glance that way for fear Lucian wouldmake him leave if she drew attention to him.
“I admit, I wanted you,” Juan continued. “And I even decided to have you as my mistress.” He shook his head with a chagrined expression. “Even though I had not been interested in taking a lover since the death of my beloved life mate, Xochitl, three hundred years earlier, I did not yet recognize that you were another chance, another life mate. I only knew that I wanted you. But,” he said unhappily, “you looked extremely young; little more than a child, and I would never take a child as a mistress.”
“No, you just rape them,” G.G. snarled from the other end of the room, earning a warning look from Lucian.
Juan’s mouth had tightened at G.G.’s words, but otherwise he ignored him and said, “I wished to know just how young you were,so I tried to slip into your mind to find your age, but”—he met her gaze gravely—“I could not read you, mi amor.”
Juan paused briefly, but when Ildaria didn’t say anything, he continued, “It was only then that I realized you were my lifemate, and the knowledge was shocking to me. I was still trying to accept my good fortune when I heard someone on the stairs.I glanced around to see Ana descending. I didn’t want to leave you, but I needed to know about you and could not read you,so I left without you or your grandmother ever knowing I was there and went into the salon.
“I did not tell Ana that you were my life mate, and I tried to make my questions sound casual as I asked about you. I wanted to keep the knowledge that I had found a new life mate for myself for a while. You were so precious, I . . . I just wanted to keep you to myself,” he repeated helplessly, and then sighed and said, “I did not find out much from my daughter. Ana did not know much. I learned that from reading her mind. She knew only that you were her cook’s granddaughter and that you were thirteen years old.”
“Fourteen,” she corrected.
“Thirteen,” he said firmly. “You did not turn fourteen until three weeks after you disappeared.”
Ildaria blinked in surprise and sat back. He was right. Her fourteenth birthday had passed weeks later, unnoticed. She’d beenalone, struggling to hide and feed and avoid the hunters and only realized her birthday had passed a month or so after theday. Even then, she hadn’t much cared. She was too busy trying to survive.
“I visited with Ana until I heard you leave,” Juan continued when she remained silent. “And then I made my excuses and leftas well, promising to return for that evening’s party. It was to introduce Ana to her life mate’s family,” he added. “I wasexpected to attend and really shouldn’t have left when I did, but I was desperate to see you again. You were too young toclaim, but I could look and torture myself with what I could not yet have.”
Meeting her gaze, he said, “You do not know how badly I just wanted to touch you. I wanted to brush my fingers down your cheekand feel if your skin was as soft as it looked. I wanted to tangle my hands in your hair and press it to my nose to see ifit was what smelled like flowers, or if that was a scent you wore. I wanted . . . so much,” he almost moaned and then shookhis head. “But I dared not touch you. You were far too young.”
Sighing, he muttered, “I should have sent you to a convent or somewhere else until you were old enough to claim. Failing that, I should have at least stayed away from you. But every time my daughter had a party and you walked home alone I was there to walk with you, trying to engage you in conversation.” He grimaced as he added, “You were a very shy child and hardly responded to my questions at all.”
Ildaria frowned at the description. “I was quiet because I was uncomfortable with you. I could sense that you wanted somethingfrom me, but—” She shook her head.
“You sensed my obsession and need for you and it scared you,” he said with a nod, and then, his expression and voice achinglysincere, he said, “I am sorry, Corazon. I handled everything in the worst possible way. I should have read your grandmother to learn more about your past. Had Iknown of the abuse you suffered as a small child, I would have handled things differently. But I did not know, and I longedto be close to you despite it being a torture to me. So, I kept making Ana hold parties for business associates and high-rankingimmortals, just so that you would have to walk home alone, and I would have an excuse to accompany you.”
He bowed his head briefly, and when he lifted it again, his expression was grim. “And then one such day, you did not come out to make the walk home. I waited an hour, and then I decided that you must have stayed to help your abuela with the cooking, and gave up. By that time, guests were arriving, so I went
