“No kidding!” He nudged me as we walked side-by-side. “So, what happened with you two?”
A small, wet pebble sparkled in the light of the morning sun. I reached down to pick it up and ran my thumb over the smooth surface. It was a pretty aquamarine color, perfectly round with no sharp edges or jagged curves. I gripped it in my palm. “Luca was my first heartbreak.”
I could feel those green eyes burning holes into the side of my face. “You loved him?”
“I think so.” I let out a strangled breath. “Not that it mattered one way or the other.”
Not when Luca didn’t feel the same way.
“What’s that supposed to mean?”
I shrugged, feeling the weight of the pebble in my hand. “Luca said he wasn’t right for me.”
“He didn’t elaborate?”
I shook my head. “We had sex when I was a teenager. The night before he left for college, actually. I woke up when he was trying to sneak out, but he just told me I was a mistake. A year ago, we slept together again. We woke up, and he bolted. When I followed and demanded an answer, he told me he couldn’t be the man I needed.”
A bubble of laughter left my lips. I was fucking naive. And here I was, falling under Luca’s charm again. I had a stable man that wanted me, but all I wanted was a toxic man who never stayed.
Declan grabbed my hand and pulled me into his chest, wrapping his arms around me. “You didn’t deserve any of that.”
I swallowed hard and blinked the tears away. “I know. I’m sorry. I don’t have feelings for him anymore.”
He pulled back, cupping my face. “Yes, you do. But that’s okay. I understand what it’s like to still feel for your first love.”
I furrowed my eyebrows and shook my head. “You’re wrong. I don’t. What do you mean? You still love your ex?”
He moved away and scratched the nape of his neck. “I’ll never stop loving my first love. But she’s not an ex. I was married to a beautiful woman named Sophie.” His eyes stared out to the depths of the sea like he wasn’t with me anymore. “She was my soulmate. But she had a form of brain cancer that developed rapidly. She died on our first wedding anniversary.”
I sucked in a sharp breath and clasped a hand over my mouth. “Declan, I had no idea. I’m so sorry. When did she pass?”
His eyes glistened with unshed tears. “Five years ago. I was twenty-nine when she died.”
I hesitated. My heart broke for Declan. I had no idea he’d been through something so tragic. I built up the courage to wrap my arms around his waist and grip the front of his t-shirt. “I can’t imagine losing someone like that. You’re so strong.”
He sniffled and placed his hands over mine. “It’s not easy. This was a conversation I should’ve had with you already, but I couldn’t—”
“You don’t have to explain. I understand.”
“You’re the first woman I’ve dated since her. The first one I’ve been intimate with since Sophie.”
It was as if a cement block hit the pit of my stomach. I felt obligated to him. He had sacrificed so much for whatever relationship we had formed. I had to at least try to see where this went. A cool wisp of air carried over the waves, coating our skin in a light mist of brine. The taste of the ocean left behind.
The promise flew out of my mouth before I could protest. “I’ll try to stay open-minded and see where things go.”
“That’s all I ask.”
We stood in comfortable silence, watching the waves tumble in the ocean, for what seemed like hours. I wondered if Declan could love again as he did with Sophie. Was that selfish of me? I wasn’t sure, but I also wasn’t sure if I could open myself up to someone again. The only man I’d ever opened myself to brutally rejected me twice.
Maybe it was time to try again, with a man who was emotionally available. Which was saying something, considering Declan lost his first love and was more ready than Luca would ever be.
But why did that thought consume me like a thick layer of black mist around my heart? My feelings for Luca were poison to my soul. Declan was a beacon of light that would purify me from the dark. That was something I had to believe. I owed it to Declan and to myself to move on from Luca.
Day Two
1 PM - 3 PM - Volleyball
I ordered room service for lunch and lounged around the hotel room. I caught myself staring out at the ocean more times than I could count. It had a soothing effect on people, apparently even on me. My thoughts were plagued with Mags, and I had to find a way to stop them. I threw on some swim shorts and headed down to the beach at one.
Jamie and John were already there, hitting the volleyball over the net. I walked across the sand to them, and John noticed me. “Want to join in?”
I gave a relaxed smile that contradicted the way I really felt. “Sure.”
John and I were on one side of the net, and Jamie was on the other. Even though there were two of us and one of her, she wiped the floor with us.
John shook his head as he served the ball. “Babe, go easy on us!”
Jamie jumped forward and hit it back to us. “Never!”
I jumped back and hit the ball over the net, but she smacked it down into the sand on our side. “How are you this good?” I huffed.
John walked over to her and wrapped an arm around her waist. “She
