“That’s only in certain areas. We’ll figure it out. I’m not go-
ing to two of the world’s most beautiful beaches and not getting in the water,” Steph insisted. A she made idle chit-chat about the tight itinerary for Yara’s week-long wedding death march, she
felt the reality of this trip buzzing around her like a pesky fly.
She’d promised herself many times she’d focus on the exciting
aspects of the wedding. Loads of time with friends she hadn’t
seen in months and the breathtaking locale. The stunning resort
David had spent a fortune buying out for the week that had views most people would never get to see. But the image of that tear
rolling down Phillip’s cheek and the detached look on his face as he’d left her bedside dominated her thoughts.
She had realized the magnitude of her mistake the second
she’d woken up the morning after her surgery. She couldn’t re-
55
TAMMY COONS & MICHELLE PACE
member the exact details or wording of their conversation the
night before, but she knew she’d pushed him away too hard and
that he didn’t understand the truth of the circumstances. She’d
called him for two solid days after waking from her drug-
induced haze. Every single call went straight to voicemail. Final-ly, on the third day when she was waiting to be discharged, she’d called Scot out of desperation. He seemed shocked when she
asked if he’d heard from Phillip.
“No, Steph. He gave us strict instructions not to call him for
a week. He wanted you all to himself until the photo shoot for
Rage.” Steph remembered feeling ill when she heard Scot’s light
tone and realized that none of the band members had heard from
Phillip. She told him she had to go and hung up before she had to answer any questions. She sat through a twenty minute discharge
lecture from her doctor about how she was still anemic and mal-
nourished. Then she helplessly watched both her father and
brother promise him that if she didn’t put weight back on in the next month they would admit her to an inpatient program for
eating disorders. Dr. Lucky Charms evidently wasn’t one to be
trifled with. Then her father reluctantly headed to the airport, and Cedric drove her to the cottage to pick up her things. She fidgeted the entire way there. What if Phillip was there? Worse still, what if he wasn’t?
As the crossed the hump-backed bridge, Steph saw the red
door standing wide open. Her legs felt rubbery. and her heart
was in her throat as they entered. She was in no way prepared for what greeted them. It looked as if a cyclone had hit the interior.
“Oh my.” Cedric exclaimed as Steph stepped over the over-
turned hutch and broken china on the floor. Dazed, she wandered
the rooms gathering her suitcase, toiletries, and untouched cam-
era bag. Her keys were still on the bedside table. The plates from their pre-proposal breakfast still sat on the table. She could feel Cedric watching her, but refused to meet his eyes. Minutes later when she pulled the red door shut, her hand was still trembling.
56
RAGE
It wasn’t until Cedric was parking the rental car at the Dub-
lin airport that he finally spoke. “If that’s how Phillip responds to conflict, you made the right call.”
Steph opened her mouth to defend Phillip. She was just
about to tell Cedric that he didn’t know about the pregnancy and realized that it wouldn’t make Phillip look any less reactionary and that Cedric might feel a gallant need to reveal the true circumstances of her hospitalization to him. She needed to tell him herself. She tried to call him again and got a message that his
voicemail box was full.
She called her agent. There was absolutely no way she
could do the Fury shoot. Christopher got a bit terse with her at first about the last minute cancellation. Since their professional relationship was brand new, Steph felt compelled to tell him
about her health crisis and stunned Cedric by calmly revealing
that she’d lost a baby and a fallopian tube. Christopher fell all over himself apologizing for her loss and offered to cancel the
upcoming Milan shoot as well. Steph declined the offer, insisting that she’d be better by then and needed the distraction.
She and Cedric flew back to Milan. They’d barely walked
in the door of her apartment when Cheyenne called. Frantic at
Phillip’s disappearance and news that Steph was not shooting the album cover, she demanded answers. Stephanie glanced up at the
mammoth picture of Phillip hanging over her mantel. All she
could manage was that she’d turned Phillip down. Cheyenne
pressed her, but Cedric took the phone from her and explained
that Steph had just had surgery and needed her rest.
Cedric stayed with her for a week, force feeding her pasta
and dragging her out on “therapeutic” walks. By the time Cedric
left for Rome and she showed up at the Donna Moderna shoot, she’d already gained five pounds and could feel muscles she
never knew she had from her surprisingly vigorous walks with
her cane-dependent brother. And it felt good to work again. In-
vigorating.
57
TAMMY COONS & MICHELLE PACE
As Stephanie re-examined the painful events of the past
year, she flipped open the window cover and gasped. Cedric
jumped as if she’d seen a monster on the wing of the plane.
“What?” he demanded.
She stared at the island as it appeared through a hole in the
clouds. “Holy shit, Cedric! It’s Shangri-La.”
“Holy shit, indeed.” Cedric’s astonished exclamation made
her laugh. As they circled for their final approach, Steph practically vibrated with enthusiasm. The jutting rocks, stunning natural pools, and lush green tropical slopes of the ecologic sanctuary gave her an itchy shutter release finger. All of her reservations about the island adventure were temporarily forgotten.
Their chauffer fearlessly maneuvered the Land Rover off
the main road and over the pothole-ridden unpaved roads leading
to Cedric’s pousada. After they made dinner plans Cedric
hopped out at his lush accommodations. Steph pondered what
her pousada must look like if Cedric found this lovely one befitting his meager station. She climbed into the front seat. The
driver was a maniac, tearing off down the treacherous dirt paths like they were running from
