When they returned to their chores, Natalie’s thoughts were on the future. Everyone, it seemed, was moving forward, embracing the new opportunities that unfurled before them. Moses felt called to preach the Gospel to the Negroes now that it wasn’t illegal to own a Bible and read. Carolina and William were making plans for their life together. Even Levi hoped to open his own carpentry shop and settle down once he returned to Pennsylvania.
A longing to be by his side ran so deep it nearly took her breath away. She glanced at the bachelor’s quarters. All was quiet now, and she wondered if Samuel had fallen asleep, curled into Levi’s side as Moses found them yesterday afternoon. Could she find the courage to march into his room and declare her love for him? To tell him her home was with him, wherever that may be?
Her heart pounded. What if he rejected her? What if her foolish, misplaced trust in Alexander had opened Levi’s eyes to the silly woman she truly was? She’d put the plantations and her need to control the future ahead of him, of his love. If she were to go to him now, laying her heart bare, and he spurned her, she’d be crushed. It was cowardly, but she simply couldn’t bear that kind of heartache.
Looking west, she wondered if it were perhaps time to accept Adella’s invitation to visit them in Oregon. Samuel’s half-sister, Mara, was there, and the two had never met. With slavery abolished, the girl could now live without fear of being brought back to Rose Hill as a slave. Perhaps a visit to see family would help Natalie sort out her future.
Laughter came from the bachelor’s quarters.
She heaved a sigh. A life in Oregon was not what she wanted. Only one thing—one man—could fill the longing in her heart.
“God, I love Levi,” she whispered. “Give me the courage to tell him, come what may.”
Levi scowled. He’d felt grouchy all morning. Endless hours of lying flat on his back were taking their toll. Samuel and Moses and even Banks did their best to amuse him with stories and jokes, but he was ready to get out of this bed and get on with his life. Doc said he could leave for Langford Manor tomorrow, which meant this was his last day at Rose Hill.
And that, he realized, was the source of his surliness. Or rather, it was the mistress of Rose Hill who had him frustrated. Natalie had not been to see him since he woke up. Truth be told, it wounded his pride a bit that she cared so little that she didn’t come to check on him from time to time. When he inquired after her, Moses said she was keeping busy helping the servants with chores and tending to Samuel. The big man’s answer, however, did not fool Levi. She was avoiding him, pure and simple, and he wanted to know why.
He leaned back against the pile of pillows Moses had crammed behind him earlier. His shoulder still thrummed with pain, but the dizziness and headaches had subsided enough for him to sit up without becoming nauseated.
Mulling over the problem regarding Natalie’s absence, he was convinced it wasn’t because she didn’t have feelings for him. He knew better than that. The memory of their kisses played through his mind and warmed his blood. A woman like Natalie would not return such passion without experiencing emotions that went deeper than mere physical attraction.
So why would she avoid him? One possibility arose in his mind.
Over the past few days, he’d had plenty of time to consider how selfish it was to demand she leave the land her family had lived on for years. The plantations were her son’s legacy. He couldn’t take that away from Samuel. The reality was that if Levi wanted Natalie as his wife, he had to remain in Texas. And truthfully, the more he thought of going home to Pennsylvania without her, the more he realized he’d be miserable. He’d miss his family if he stayed, especially Ma and Pa, and he wouldn’t get to watch his nephew grow into a man, but his life and his future were with Natalie and Samuel.
As soon as Moses returned, Levi decided, he’d have the servant deliver a message to Natalie, asking her to come see him. When she arrived, he’d declare his love and promise to do everything in his power to bring the plantations back to their former glory. As long as he had her by his side, it didn’t matter where they lived.
Restless while he waited, he glanced around the small room, looking for something to occupy his time. His gaze landed on Moses’ Bible on the table beside the bed. Though the big man couldn’t read many words, he seemed to enjoy simply holding the book in his hands.
Levi reached for it and winced when the stitches in his shoulder stretched, but he managed to get the book without tumbling off the mattress. He rested it on his lap, flipped open the cover, and turned pages. It had been a while since he’d read the Bible for himself. There hadn’t been much opportunity during the war, although he suspected he should have found time. He thumbed through it until he reached the Psalms. What was Ma’s favorite? The one she quoted to her sons as they headed off to war?
He soon found what he was looking for. Psalm eighteen. I will love thee, O LORD, my strength.
A fragment of memory flit across his mind. A woman’s voice reading those words to him. Ma? No, not his mother’s voice. Softer.
The LORD is my rock, and my fortress, and my deliverer.
The memory cleared. Natalie. It had been Natalie reading those precious words. When? It must have been after he was brought to Rose Hill. She’d been with him while he was unconscious, reading from God’s word.
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