Monday eventually crept around and Bronagh’s day at work was a busy and welcome distraction to the waiting to hear from Kevin. A large, boisterous group of chemists from around the country had barrelled in on a group booking for a conference being held on Tuesday in the city. The day sped by and she was surprised and happy when she left O’Mara’s late that afternoon to see Kevin waving out from across the road by St Fusilier’s Arch. She waited for a break in the slow-moving traffic and ran over to where he was waiting with his hands shoved in the pockets of his leather jacket.
She wished she hadn’t taken the gorgeous burgundy coat back now. It would have been nice to show it off to him. To put this missed weekend behind them. In a fit of martyrdom on Saturday morning though, she’d returned it to Brown Thomas. Now, all she wanted was to feel the reassurance of his arms around her and to rest her head on his shoulder so as to breathe in the familiar smoky, leathery smell of his jacket. Everything would be alright, she told herself, her face breaking into a wide, happy smile as she reached him. Just as she’d said to Mam, there’d be other opportunities for them to head north. ‘Did you have a nice time?’ she asked once she’d caught her breath.
‘I did. It was good to see everybody and it gave me a chance to clear my head and think things through properly.’
‘Oh.’ There was a stiffness to his shoulders and she wondered whether he’d had a bad day at work. She knew he wasn’t a fan of Mondays. Instead of the warm hug she’d anticipated she received a kiss on her cheek, his lips cool and dry as they grazed her skin and his expression unreadable. She stamped on the sick feeling in the pit of her stomach, telling herself she was a pessimist of the highest order. Everything would be alright. He was here, wasn’t he? She didn’t ask what things he’d needed to think through because she didn’t want to know the answer.
He fished a packet of cigarettes from his pocket and tapped the pack, taking one and sticking it in his mouth. Bronagh watched as he lit it with the Zippo, the flame strong and steady despite the breeze. She tried to summon up the warm, happy emotions she’d felt lying next to him on the blanket that summer’s day in Phoenix Park but they refused to come. Instead, she watched him inhale the smoke deeply before blowing it out to join the exhaust fumes from the passing cars. ‘Shall we go for a walk?’ He inclined his head toward the Green.
‘Grand, it’ll be good to stretch my legs after sitting down all day,’ Bronagh replied with a brightness she didn’t feel. She linked her arm through his and they walked through the arch and into the park where people, rugged up in their coats and hats, scurried past, not pausing to take in their surrounds in their eagerness to get home. Kevin smoked steadily and she walked beside him in silence and when his words came, they sounded harsh and overly loud as each one sliced through her.
‘Bronagh, I think it’s for the best if we stop seeing one another.’ Kevin dropped the smouldering butt on to the ground grinding it out with the toe of his shoe.
She released her arm from his and stopped dead on the path, staring at him in disbelief, but he wouldn’t meet her gaze. ‘What are you talking about, sure, we’re grand.’ Her voice had a wavering pitch and Kevin glanced around nervously not wanting a scene. He pulled her toward a bench out of the way of the passing foot traffic and she sat down glad to take the weight off her feet because her legs were shaky, as was the rest of her body. He perched next to her leaning forward, leg jiggling, hands clasped, being sure to keep a careful distance between them.
Bronagh turned and saw his jaw set in a hard line. This couldn’t be happening! ‘Why, where’s this come from? We were fine before you went home,’ she managed to ask. Her hand reached out to rest on his arm pleading to understand.
‘I wasn’t fine, Bronagh, but Mam—'
‘Oh, it’s down to your mam, is it? Well, I don’t see how she can have a say given she’s never met me. That’s hardly fair.’
‘Listen, Bronagh.’ His voice was hard. ‘You didn’t give her the chance to meet you and she only confirmed in my mind what I was beginning to feel anyway. I’m never going to come first with you.’
‘What are you talking about?’ She wished he’d stop jiggling his leg.
‘With you, I’m never going to come first. I think you’re as dependant on your mam as she is on you and she’ll always be your first priority.’ He looked at her now, daring her to say this wasn’t the case.
‘She’s ill, Kev, c’mon you know that. She needs me.’
‘Not you exclusively, Bronagh. There’re others who’d be happy to help if you asked. Only you won’t because you don’t trust anyone else.’
‘Oh no you don’t. You can’t put this all on me. I would have gone if Mam could’ve gone to Hilary’s but, and through no fault of my own, she couldn’t. You knew that.’ Her voice wobbled dangerously at the unfairness of what he was saying and her eyes burned hot.
He shrugged. ‘Either way, I don’t want to be the third wheel.’
‘How can you say that? You know you’re not. I love you and Mam loves you too for that matter. She’d be heartbroken if she were
