His brother fell silent for a time. ‘And if you do kill him and lose your life, what will stop Feann from returning to Maerr?’ He shook his head. ‘Learn the truth if you will, but there are only two of us to fight. It’s not enough.’
‘It’s enough for a slip of a blade between his ribs.’ Yet even as he spoke the words, Alarr recognised his brother’s truth. He didn’t know how to make Rurik understand his reasoning. His brother couldn’t understand why he was willing to take such a risk. But in all honesty, he had nothing left to lose.
‘Why do you want to die, Alarr?’ Rurik asked quietly.
He thought about his brother’s question for a time, choosing his words carefully. ‘When I fought against Feann, he stole from me the life I was meant to have. I am no longer the fighter I was. No woman wants me the way I am. Hardly able to walk...barely able to wield a sword.’
‘You survived wounds that would have killed most men. I am glad you are alive,’ Rurik said. ‘But I came with you to Éireann because I wanted answers. And because I wanted to stop you from doing something foolish, like murdering a king.’
‘You cannot stop me, Rurik. I have chosen my path.’
‘And what of Breanne? It will destroy her if you kill her foster father. He is all she has left.’
Alarr knew that, and yet, he could not turn from this path. Only after he had slain Feann would he believe that he had any worth as a man. Breanne might feel pity towards him, but that was all. If he somehow survived the fight, it would change naught. The thought of having to leave her filled him with regret. But there was nothing to be done for it.
‘We will go to Killcobar and follow Breanne,’ Alarr said. ‘Until Feann returns, we will learn what we can and wait.’ And in the meantime, he would protect her from harm.
Rurik met his gaze steadily and gave a nod. ‘So be it.’
Breanne rode with the soldiers towards her father’s lands, but inwardly, she could not shake the premonition that something was wrong. When they stopped to make camp for the night, Darin came to help her down from the horse.
She smiled at the captain. ‘Thank you.’
He guided her towards a clearing where one of the men was attempting to build a fire. ‘Come and warm yourself,’ he offered. The night air was cool, and she was eager to rest. Her thoughts remained troubled, and although she knew she had made the right choice to go with them, she could not stop thinking of Alarr. He was handsome, and his dark hair and fierce fighting skills allured her. She had loved sleeping beside him at night, feeling his hard body nestled against hers. And his kiss haunted her still.
He was a man living in darkness, bound to vengeance. She didn’t understand how he was willing to sacrifice his life in a fight with Feann. Did he really believe he had so little value? Even Rurik had tried to stop him from this path towards death.
An ache settled within her at the thought. She knew what it was to feel as if no one wanted you. The solitude held an oppressive weight, and she understood the feeling of isolation. But for a brief moment it had seemed as if there was a connection between them before he’d pushed her away.
You made the right choice, her brain reminded her. He was only intending to betray you.
And yet, she somehow didn’t believe that. When she had ridden away from the Hardrata settlement, she had caught Alarr staring at her with longing. Despite his cruel words, it seemed as if he didn’t want to let her go. Her own feelings had been torn and confused, for it seemed as if his words and actions were in conflict. He had claimed she meant nothing at all to him...but she sensed that it was a lie.
‘Are you hungry?’ the captain asked.
‘A little.’ She held out her hands to the fire, trying to warm herself. He went to his saddle bag and withdrew some dried meat. He gave her the venison, but it was tough to gnaw. She struggled with the meagre food, and he gave her a sip of ale from a drinking horn.
Darin sat nearby, and she waited for him to ask questions. Surely, he would want to know what had happened to her. But instead, he said nothing, only staring into the fire. For a time, Breanne thought she should begin a conversation or at least try to talk to him. But there was only silence.
It felt as if she had been forgotten by everyone...as if her disappearance meant nothing. She had wanted to believe that she was Feann’s adopted daughter, to feel as if she belonged at Killcobar. All these years, she had tried to shape herself into the woman he wanted her to be. She had remained passive and obedient, quiet in the shadows. But now, it was clear that she had always been an outsider. No one had even noticed when she’d gone.
Breanne forced back the self-pity as her frustration rose higher. Though she wanted answers, did it even matter what they thought any more? They had abandoned her, and it was time to stop living her life to please others. No longer would she allow them to shape her destiny. This time, any decisions made would be her own.
At last, she spoke. ‘Why did no one come for me during the past few weeks?’
The captain tossed a brick of peat into the fire and shrugged. Which was no answer at all. She waited again in disbelief, her anger rising. ‘Am I worth so little to everyone?’
He hesitated and admitted, ‘I know it must have seemed like this.’
‘Then tell me what happened,’ she demanded. ‘Where is Feann now?’
Darin glanced over
