A sudden desire to throw myself off the balcony and let the wind carry me away gripped me. I took two steps toward the edge and then laughed at how ridiculous I was being. Instead of throwing myself to certain injury and possibly death, I sat down on top of the balcony table.
I closed my eyes and focused on the feeling of the wind and the night surrounding me. Professor Atkins said we should be able to connect with our animal by our birthday. I turned my attention inward. Everything was the same. I sighed and started to move my attention away. But then I felt it. There was something else—something other—deep within me. It was new and yet as much a part of me as my limbs. This was what I had felt yesterday when the anger and strength had rushed through me. It was my animal. She was there inside me, trying to rise to the surface.
Something blocked her, though. Was it me? Was I scared to face this truth? Even though I told everyone I had no idea what kind of animal I was going to be, I had always wondered. And now that she was there, it seemed like it should’ve been so obvious all along.
“I’m glad you’re there,” I told the animal within me quietly. “Even though I know the Revealing is never wrong, there was still a part of me that was scared Simon was really the one who was supposed to be here. But I’m ready now. So, come on out. Come to me and be ready during class. I’m ready to meet you. Let’s take this place by storm.”
The restlessness subsided as I sat outside. I stayed and watched the wolves as the stars faded and the horizon turned from black to gray. I waited until the sky turned pink and the sun began to appear before I went back inside to get ready for the day to come.
“Happy Birthday!” The yell from my living room startled me as I left my bedroom to head to class. Gracie, Willa, and Hudson stood around a small cake on the coffee table.
“Oh, wow guys, thank you!” I said, completely overwhelmed by their thoughtfulness.
“Come blow out your candles!” Gracie said.
“How did you make this?” The cake had ‘Happy Birthday, Sophie’ written across it and sixteen candles lined up around the outside.
“I have a flair for culinary magic,” Willa said.
“Don’t forget to make a wish,” Gracie reminded me. I closed my eyes and wished I wouldn’t embarrass myself in front of the class today. Taking a deep breath, I blew out all the candles in one go.
“Yay,” Gracie said. “Now come on, we have to get to class. Here, I grabbed you a toaster pastry from the cafeteria for breakfast when you didn’t come down with Willa. Eat it, you have to have something before class. We will eat cake and you can open your presents later today. Are you excited to try shifting for the first time?”
“Mostly nervous,” I said around bites of the food Gracie had pushed into my hands.
“Have any idea what you’re going to be, yet?” Hudson asked.
“No.” It wasn’t completely a lie. He continued to watch me.
“What? Do you think you know what I’m going to be?”
“I have a guess,” he said.
“Are you going to tell me?”
“No. That would take all the fun out of it.” I shook my head at him as we entered the gymnasium just as the bell rang. I wasn’t listening as Professor Atkins gave his typical introduction. The buzz in my ears grew louder as I followed the rest of the class out to the field. I was the only birthday. All eyes would be on me. The confidence that filled me that morning when I was alone on the balcony had faded, and a bundle of nerves had taken its place. Why couldn’t we just shift in some quiet part of the campus all alone for the first time? I was painfully aware of my brother’s absence. The lack of his calm and assuring presence was a raw wound in my heart.
Everyone turned to look at me and I realized the professor had quit talking and was staring at me expectantly. I met his eyes and raised my eyebrows.
“It’s now or never, Sophie. Don’t you want to connect with your animal for the first time?” He motioned with his hand to the center of the field. A huge knot materialized in my chest.
“Of course,” I said, trying not to betray my nerves. I could do this. Almost twenty students from our class had already shifted. Aside from the boy who only changed halfway into a gazelle, every shift had gone well. And besides, he’d shifted just fine the next day.
“If they can all do it, then so can I,” I muttered as I weaved my way through my fellow students and out into the field. Hudson squeezed my shoulder as I passed. The knot in my chest loosened a little. My friends followed me to the front of the students. Then I made the journey to the center of the field alone.
I tried to block out all the stares and focus on concrete details. The grass was still damp from early morning dew. It seeped into my shoes and on my ankles. The uniforms for the academy constantly annoyed me. Why couldn’t we all wear pants? No, that was no good. No use getting worked up now.
With a deep breath to settle my nerves, I closed my eyes and tried to find that feeling of otherness again. It didn’t take long to find her. I smiled. She
