Devyn hung her head. “Because he told me.”
“Why would he tell you that?”
“Because he wanted me to know he was going to take care of it,” Devyn whispered, letting her head fall toward the floor. “He beat me. That’s all he wanted. He wanted to beat me and he did it. I just didn’t think he would make me feel this way before he would do it. Before he would rub it in my face.”
Devyn had finally lost it. The tears streamed faster down her face. Snot coated her upper lip and the urge to curl into herself was hard to deny.
“Snap out of it,” Maria shook her shoulders hard. Devyn looked up, shocked her sister had said anything to her. “Did he tell you what she said?”
“I just told you that.”
“Answer the question.”
“Yes.”
“Then what the fuck is the problem here Devyn? Because it sounds like this guy got a call from your boss and he is trying to help. What else did he say?”
Devyn bit her lip, staring down at the shoes she had forgotten to take off. “He said he took care of it. He got the shipment because he called in a favor.”
“Devyn, what the hell is wrong with you?” Maria pinched the bridge of her nose.
“He said he called in favor! What the hell does that mean? It sounds like he wanted to prove that he could do my job better than I could.” Devyn puckered her lips, pouting so her sister would turn the attention away from her and back to Chad.
“No, Devyn, it sounds like he wanted to help someone he cared about,” Maria shook her head. “Jesus Christ you’re just like mamá.”
Devyn’s vision turned red and her cheeks burned with fury. Maria hadn’t mentioned their mother in years. “No, I’m not.”
Maria folded her arms across her chest. “Yes, you are. You’re overreacting because something isn’t going your way. You shut everyone out including me. You won’t let anyone love you. He said he loved you didn’t he?”
Devyn’s face grew red again and she refused to answer.
“Of course he did. You’re acting out because you’re terrified another person is going to leave you just like she did. Devyn, you have to get over this shit. Mamá has been gone for years. You have to move on. You can’t keep pretending to be the victim. Stop being the thing that happened to you.”
Maria had always been the one who pulled Devyn out of her meltdowns, but it wasn’t helping. She didn’t understand what Devyn was going through.
“You don’t get it.” Devyn slumped onto the couch, looking away from her sister.
“I lived it,” Maria said, gripping Devyn’s chin in her hand and turning her face toward her. “Don’t tell me I don’t get it.”
“You didn’t have it as bad.” Devyn pulled away from her sister’s grip. “You didn’t have to take care of your sibling and worry about them having food or clothes or shampoo. You didn’t have to make sure they never realized anything was wrong. I did that. I always fought for you. We may only be 14 months, but you were just a baby.”
“I was there. I watched it all happen. You may have tried to protect me, but it didn’t matter. I was old enough to understand what was happening,” Maria said. Her big eyes were glassy, recalling the memories of having an addict as a mother.
“You don’t get it.”
“Shut up,” Maria shouted, throwing her arms in the air. She grunted and stood to her feet. “Stop fucking around. I want you to be happy. Why can’t you see this is killing you? Will you stop holding onto the past for once and just let yourself be happy? The mamá we had before the drugs would want you to be happy.”
“I don’t care what she wants,” Devyn screamed, her voice carried through the house. Maria froze, her wide eyes staring into Devyn’s soul. A tear slipped down Maria’s cheek, shaking Devyn back to reality.
“Then do it for me,” Maria whispered. “Stop wasting your life hiding from people who care about you.”
Devyn played with her hands resting in her lap.
“I don’t want to get hurt again,” she said before looking up at Maria.
“Neither do I, but sometimes you have to get hurt to live. I would rather experience life with someone I love than never have it at all.” Maria pushed Devyn’s hair behind her ear. “Something is different with you. I had never seen you like this. Do you love him?”
“Yes,” Devyn admitted, her cheeks flushing at the confession.
“Then what are you waiting for?”
“He didn’t ask me what I wanted. He didn’t make it about what I wanted. He made it about how he could fix it. It made me feel like I was just a project to fix.” Devyn huffed.
“You are so hard to please.” Maria rolled her eyes.
“That’s what he says.” Devyn sighed, though she was fighting off a laugh. Chad had told her that so many times she’d lost count.
“Well go fix things before it’s too late. If I agree with him about that then I know he is a keeper. Not many people can put up with your bullshit.”
“I want this to work, but I don’t know what to say.”
“Easy.” Maria walked closer to Devyn, tugging the collar around her neck upward before adjusting it. Maria stared at her and brushed her hands across the fabric. “You walk up to him and say, ‘I’m sorry I was wrong’ or as mamá said before she died, ‘lo siento, mija.’” I’m sorry my daughter.
Another tear slipped down Devyn’s cheek. Maria brushed it away the same way Devyn had done for her at their mother’s funeral. The weight on her chest returned, reminding her their mother wasn’t coming back. There was no way she could right the wrongs their mother had caused, but she could keep going. She could change who she became.
Devyn wanted to live. She wanted to move forward. She pressed her lips together
