Maybe it would all turn out well, she suggested to herself. He would know that being alone wasn’t the right course and he would find himself another wife—and then forget all about her. Ideally, he could perhaps even think back fondly on her. That would be the best outcome, and maybe it would take some time for him to get there.
Chapter 35
JULIUS STOOD AT THE TRAIN station. It was a surprisingly bright day for such a low mood. Along the platform, people waited, as did porters, who waited to fill the cargo carriages with mail and whatever else they sent up to London.
The large round clock hanging from the ceiling seemed inordinately slow. As he’d come, he had very little with him, and while the hotel had cleaned his clothes as best they could, he felt unclean, simply because he’d worn the same suit for days. In actuality, it had only been three days. This interlude had been remarkably quick and had included both glorious heights and scathing lows. The highs had typically been in Jane’s bed, when he’d been utterly enveloped in her body. Her wanting him and her not wanting him comprised both the highs and lows, but what he needed now was mundane evenness.
It wasn’t that he expected to see her there that morning. An irrational part of him wanted to see her come running, but he knew the best thing for both of them was to walk away without looking back.
In the distance, the plume of smoke could be seen from the approaching train, and he took a deep breath. It was time to go.
An excitement built amongst the crowd, who were getting themselves ready to leave. The noise and the commotion were almost overwhelming as the train came into the station. Smoke, and noise and massive movement.
First the incoming passengers disembarked, and the platform filled with people who were excited to arrive. This was the train he’d arrived on, and he’d been beyond excited to be here, so very curious about this town, and eager to find her. He was leaving in a very different state.
A young man walked with his suitcase. It looked as if he’d come straight from Oxford. Just of the age to have finished his studies. That had been him too once. Along with the suitcase, the young man carried a book under his arm—likely the one he’d been reading on the journey. Rome and Its Treasures, the cover said. It could be that this young man was making a detour before starting his grand tour. A young man’s adventure before settling down into his future responsibilities. The thought made Julius smile briefly. That would be Atticus one day too—off to see Rome. The place, or rather the concept, that his family was modeled on. For a while, Julius had lost sight of it.
The platform was still a mess with people and porters, and he was above fighting his way to his seat. He didn’t need to. Instead, he considered how he’d lost sight of his father’s teachings. How had he led himself astray so completely? For love.
It wasn’t that love was discouraged. The family unit was all important. Love for one’s state was important too. It was how they’d conquered the world. They achieved what they’d wanted, but he had failed. How was that acceptable?
Not that he wanted to overrule Jane. Nothing could convince him that Jane cared nothing about him. She couldn’t kiss him like she did if that was true. He knew what the lack of care felt like—and he knew what love felt like. She was frightened. She had a lot to lose, and she feared she would be conquered.
Well, the thing people didn’t realize about the Romans was that they didn’t always conquer. They simply set up shop and the people came to them. Harmony ensued as people gained from Roman values and administration.
Something about this felt very important, but he couldn’t fully grasp it yet. There was a point in all this. Obviously, the empire had fallen, but when it had been strong, before the corrupting influences had been allowed to flourish, there had been no stronger empire. If they wanted something, they took it—not always by force. Obviously the force came when defending one's own, but conquest could simply be by being there. People came to Rome more than the other way around. So why was he leaving?
If what he wanted was here, then why was he leaving? Because Jane didn’t want to leave here. Hence, if what he wanted was her, he simply had to set up shop here. What it all meant and how it would practically work, he didn’t know, but he knew that what he wanted was here. And to be fair, he thoroughly had enjoyed his time here, his time away from the refinement of his own society. Except for that man who wished to assert his claim over Jane. While Jane felt it was unnecessary, and even not Julius’ place, to chase the man away, Julius couldn’t quite agree.
“The train is just about ready to depart. Please step aboard if it should please you,” said a man in a dark suit and a full gray mustache.
“Yes, I have to get my son,” Julius said, divulging more information than he needed to. Feeling incredibly light, he found his seat. The proverbial ominous clouds had all lifted. If Jane wouldn’t leave Brighton, he could come to her. There was nothing stopping him.
Some would be appalled that he would compromise his life for sake of a woman, but he was not all people. Smart strategies would get him what he wanted, and would he really care if he had to spend a good portion of
