So stay she would, but to do so she had to be honest with Matteo, especially now that he seemed so much better. But with honesty this easy camaraderie, this intimate companionship would collapse. Who could blame her for wanting to hold onto it for just a little longer?
She couldn’t. Charlie inhaled a deep steadying breath and turned to Matteo, who had seated himself next to her.
‘Matteo…’
Reaching over, he took her hand again, his thumb caressing her wrist in deliciously slow circles, and she half closed her eyes, savouring the sensation for what might be the last time, wanting to hold him, to cling onto him.
‘Matteo…’ she tried again, but he tightened his hold on her hand and when she looked across at him his expression was serious.
‘Charlie, I have to ask you something.’
Dread stole through her heart. ‘Anything,’ she said as brightly as she could manage.
‘Things are beginning to clear a little, especially after our conversation yesterday,’ he said. ‘I know there are things that you would like to tell me, and that they are things I should probably hear. But can you give me some more time, to allow me to try and recover those memories by myself?’
‘Matteo…’ she said for a third time. ‘It’s not that simple.’
His fingers laced through hers. ‘I know I’m asking a lot. Just until we leave Italy. If I don’t remember everything by then, then tell me everything you need to.’
Charlie swallowed. Matteo was giving her a way to have her cake, eat it and save some for the next week. ‘You don’t want me to tell you anything?’
‘If I ask you a question then please be honest, but only if I ask. Is that okay? Can we try and just be the way things are right now for a little longer? Just Charlie and Matteo.’
She gently disentangled her hand from his and hugged her knees into her chest, staring unseeingly at the pool, trying to figure out what the right thing to do was. Acquiesce, even though it would make the reckoning so much harder?
But Matteo now knew that things hadn’t been perfect between them, which meant she wouldn’t need to pretend quite so much. Maybe this request would make it easier to carve out a new way for them to be. And if she was being painfully honest then she didn’t want reality to intrude on this time out she’d been gifted. She turned his request over and over.
‘Okay. If that’s what you want. But if you change your mind at any time, tell me. There are things you should know and I am honestly unsure whether I’m doing the right thing here.’
‘I will. And Charlie, I appreciate everything you’ve done and are doing more than you can know. I hope to show you how much very soon.’
Blinking back sudden hot tears, Charlie only just managed to nod. ‘You don’t have to thank me, Matteo. This is what marriage is.’
‘Even so. You’ve gone above and beyond. Which is why I have arranged a little treat for you. Pack your bags. You and I are off to Rome.’
Rome? Charlie stared at Matteo incredulously. Was she hearing things? ‘What do you mean we’re going to Rome? Why?’
Matteo took her hand again, his grip firm and warm and, oh, so familiar. ‘Several reasons,’ he said. ‘Number one, I know how nervous you are about taking on the gala. I don’t think you need to be, but it might put your mind at rest if you speak to the teacher yourself and find out how she planned the next two weeks would go. I dropped in on Lucia earlier and she’s arranged for us to see Natalia at her mother’s apartment in Rome later today. Secondly, don’t think I’ve forgotten that you and I were supposed to be spending a couple of our honeymoon nights in Rome. I suggested this trip could be our second honeymoon; let’s start it in Rome. I know you are still owed a trip on the Orient Express and I can’t arrange that yet, but hopefully this is a good start.’
A second honeymoon? Charlie’s mouth dried, conflicting emotions shooting through her, mingling hope and desire with panic. Matteo had mentioned a second honeymoon several times but she’d not really allowed herself to think about what that might mean, sure she’d have left Ravello long before the thought became action. Honeymoons were about intimacy, coupledom. They were about making love. Her body began to pulse with desire at the thought, a sweet ache low down in the core of her. It wasn’t that she didn’t want to sleep with Matteo; on one level she yearned to, more than anything else. But how could she if he didn’t know the truth about their relationship? And how could she plunge back into that kind of intimacy when walking away once had been so very, very difficult?
‘Matteo, that sounds amazing but…’
He squeezed her fingers. ‘And thirdly, I’ve been thinking a lot about what you said yesterday. About how I’ve been so distant physically and, I guess, emotionally as well.’
Her nod was wary. What was he getting at? ‘That’s a fair assumption.’
‘I’ve been going over what that distance says about our marriage. If I’m someone who can’t be relied upon for an event in two weeks’ time, then I’m guessing I’m also unavailable for any kind of spontaneity. Charlie, there are many reasons I fell in love with you. One was your ability to just be in the moment. I’ve never experienced anything like it before, at least not in a positive way.’ He looked away, his expression inscrutable. ‘I don’t want to go into some big boring conversation about my parents and the first few years of my life. I’m sure you know there was precious little stability. I never knew where they’d be, left with that week’s nanny as they headed off again
