Rachel felt an unfamiliar feeling inside her, and that feeling was guilt. She had no idea why she reacted to the idea of Brandon and Trace meeting Libby like that. It could have been because just thinking of them aroused her, when Rachel hadn’t felt aroused in years.
She’d tried to push those feelings away, but she’d failed. In fact, her attraction to them had grown steadily since…since she’d met them at Lusty Appetites, if she was being honest with herself.
“I can understand if you need some time to think about it,” Shar said.
Think about depriving her daughter of an opportunity just because she, Rachel, was feeling cougar vibes? What the hell kind of mother does that make me?
“I don’t need to think about it. If you believe this would be good for Libby, then I say go ahead.”
“I can arrange an introduction to the two men, if it would make you feel more comfortable?”
Rachel couldn’t do anything about the heat flooding her face. Maybe Shar would think she was having a menopausal hot flash. Maybe Shar hadn’t quite heard that verbal slip Rachel had made a few moments before. No, she caught it, because Shar catches everything. Rachel didn’t feel she needed to be one hundred percent honest with the counselor. So she opted for the truth, just not the whole truth. “No, that’s fine. As a matter of fact, Grandma Kate already introduced us last week.”
“Wonderful! Why don’t you give Libby the good news, then?”
“I’ll do that this afternoon.” It would definitely be good news for her daughter.
The only question was, what kind of news is this going to be for me?
Chapter Five
Rachel’s stomach had been in turmoil all week. She vacillated between highs and lows, between ups and downs, between feeling that she was ready to step out and take a chance and wanting to hide away somewhere safe.
Rachel was pretty much disgusted with herself.
For all the years of her marriage, she’d focused on being the best wife she knew how to be and then, when Libby arrived, on being the best wife and mother possible.
For the last few years, there hadn’t been any time at all to think of herself or her needs let alone any wants she might have. Life had become a matter of one day at a time, of keeping it together, moving one foot in front of the other regardless of the terror that had throbbed within her mother-heart. She’d made her way along the path they’d been given with her focus on her daughter. Libby had become the center of her life, and while she would sometimes rail against that fucking disease, she had no regrets about putting her baby girl first and just loving on her.
But Libby was no longer sick. Reaching that miraculous benchmark, one year cancer free, meant Rachel could relax some. Now, for the first time in what felt like forever, Rachel was being offered something for herself…something she really wanted.
She wanted to spend time with Brandon Gillespie and Trace Langley. She felt more attracted to them than she’d known she could feel. She’d come to believe over the last decade that her libido had died. Apparently, it had only been hibernating. Who knew?
But beyond how aroused she’d been by those two very hot kisses on Sunday afternoon was the deep, the soul-deep wonderful she’d felt when each of those men had put his arms around her and held her tight.
Those had been the first real hugs she’d had in years.
Both Brandon and Trace were younger than she was. She’d realized that last night, as she was falling asleep. She’d never given it a great deal of serious thought, aside from having teased herself at one point on Monday that she could almost be a cougar.
That wasn’t really how she felt at all. What the hell did age matter, anyway? Hell, Buck had had a few years on her but was no more mature than a rebellious teenager. So maybe age really was just a number, after all.
Rachel dismissed the few years between her and those two hot men. She was willing to gamble that the years between them wouldn’t make a difference, because both Brandon and Trace were old souls.
Her inner woman sure as hell didn’t think of them as anything but full-grown men. She remembered the tiny sob that had escaped her control when Brandon had wrapped his arms around her and his response to it. He’d murmured unintelligibly to her, a deep male sound of comfort, and he’d held her even more securely. And then Trace had stepped in and pressed against her back so that, for a time, she was being held by both men, cocooned between them. The next thing she’d known, she’d been turned around and was in Trace’s arms, and she’d clung every bit as fiercely to him, as she’d held on to Brandon. That man had then braced her back, and he’d said words she’d never thought to hear directed at her.
“We’re here now, Rachel. You’re not alone anymore. We’ve got you, baby.”
She’d shamelessly clung to those men, taking what she hadn’t even known she’d needed. Those twelve words had been magical, because she’d felt something shift deep within her.
If this decision—whether to say yes to their invitation and her needs—had been only about her, then she would have said yes to the three of them already. But it was also about Libby, because, tomorrow, regardless of what she told those men this evening, Brandon and Trace were going to meet Libby. They would meet her daughter on their own and would begin their own relationships with her.
It was hard not to watch the clock. Seven-thirty arrived, with no sight of either Brandon or Trace. Rachel didn’t worry for even one moment that the men wouldn’t show up. She knew they’d be there. The only thing she didn’t know was whether or not the butterflies in her stomach would settle down so she could
