“You just want to explore the moment? You want to know what this is and if it’s real. Right? One step at a time?”
Jason’s question was gently asked. Leesa appreciated that more than she could say, even if she wondered if there was something wrong with her. Because, as much as she appreciated Jason’s words and gentle way of asking, she felt a kind of stinging pain that he’d accept her implied limitation without even a token argument.
“Yes.” She pulled herself back to the moment. “Yes, I want to know what this is.”
Jason and Phillip looked at each other for a few seconds. Phillip nodded. Jason picked up her right hand, and Phillip took her left.
“That’s how we feel, too. So why don’t we do just that? Why don’t we see what this is and whether or not it’s real—together?”
Was there something different in his eyes? Did she read something sneaky there? Or was she, more likely, still somehow painting Jason Benedict with the colors of Bryce Jordan?
No wonder I have never cottoned to this romantic stuff. It’s squirrely enough to drive a person crazy!
And then that tug in her belly spoke up, and she knew something down to her soul—and it was something solid and, she believed, very real.
It was that one thing that had pushed her forward earlier when she otherwise would have just stayed home. Underneath all the doubts and fears, she had a firm and solid conviction that if she didn’t take this chance now, she would regret it for the rest of her life.
Leesa sighed and nodded and then let Jason and Phillip know she was addressing them both by gently squeezing their hands. They returned the gesture, and with both her hands clasped firmly, she nodded. “All right. Let’s do it. But I don’t know how to do this dance at all, so the two of you are going to have to be in charge, figure it out, and show me how it’s done.”
Chapter Six
“Let’s go into the living room, where we can all get more comfortable.”
Jason’s suggestion drew her attention to him. He met her gaze, lifting one eyebrow as she studied him.
“Good idea.” Leesa understood “comfortable” was a word with various meanings. It was one of those catchall words that could be used to describe a myriad of conditions or situations.
Over the last few minutes, she’d felt a hunger growing within her. She absolutely approved of moving into the living room. She’d seen a very long sofa in that room as they’d passed through it and come into the kitchen.
Maybe, in J. Coop’s mind, comfortable, in this case, equaled fooling around. I sure hope so. There had to be more to this sex stuff than just the tepid sizzle and tiny pop she’d known before. Unless Bryce was right, and I really am a frigid bitch.
“Leesa.”
Something in the tone of Jason’s voice snapped her attention back to him. He was standing, his hand extended, and his focus fixed on her.
Leesa blinked, gave him her hand, and got to her feet.
“It’s hard to keep the past in the past. We both know that. But honey? Let everything else go for now. And when you’re ready, when you want to share with us, we’ll be here for you.”
That wasn’t the kind of thing she’d ever thought any man would ever say to her. Maybe she’d really let Bryce fuck up her life when she’d married him. She could own that, because she’d been the one to make that mistake. But standing here, in this place, at this time, she came to a sudden but very solid decision.
She’d be damned if she’d keep mentally handing her ex-husband any kind of power or victory over her.
“I’m sorry. You’re right.”
Jason eased her closer and placed his index finger on her lips. “I vote we all start fresh, all three of us. That means no apologizing and no judging. We’re all exploring unknown territory. We’ll just accept each other as we are. That sound good to you, Sarge?”
Her eyes widened, and she held his gaze. “That’s what I call myself when I’m kicking my own ass. And, yes, that does sound good.”
“If anyone’s going to kick your ass from here on out, woman, it’ll be us.” Phillip’s hands rested on her shoulders, and his words brushed close enough to her ear that his breath tickled her.
She couldn’t very well deny the shiver that had just shot through her, because she was certain both men felt it. “I did hear there were some triads in town that were into that kinky stuff,” she said. “Can’t say the thought of it ever appealed to me in the slightest—until just now.”
“Oh, baby. You just set all kinds of interesting little vignettes loose in my mind.”
Leesa didn’t know which one of them was the most startled by Jason’s quip, her or himself. She felt the tension and added another “ah, that’s what that’s like” to her life’s list of experiences. That first dose of sexual tension sure woke up her girl parts.
“Well, now, I do believe I mentioned that I expected the two of you to lead in this dance.”
“Until you get the steps figured out for yourself?” Phillip asked.
Good question. Did she want to take a turn at the wheel? She’d been in charge in her own life for, it seemed, forever. She hadn’t looked to Bryce while they were married to lead the way. It didn’t seem like something he wanted to do when it came to any kind of responsibility anyway. Well, that was a clue. She’d learned that about him before they got married and… She stopped herself from kicking her own ass, even mentally, because Phillip had just said, essentially, that she couldn’t. I guess there’s my answer. “No, I don’t think so. I want y’all to
