Someone who fit right in. Someone who could complete our dynamic. Then Daddy wouldn’t feel lonely when I did regress.
“You have to talk to me, Camden.” Daddy brushed back some hair that’d gotten in my eyes. “You’re the happiest when you revert to my little baby boy, and I love seeing you so carefree and mischievous.”
I grinned a little at the last part. And he wasn’t wrong at all. The problem was that our kinks became a double-edged sword when we let go of all our inhibitions and sank into the roles we loved the most. I wasn’t always a sexual Little; I required more space and had my own room for a reason. My touches were often laced with innocence and curiosity, whereas Daddy was very sexual and very affectionate.
I wanted to sleep alone, buried in a mountain of stuffed animals. My room was a kid’s room. I had my Star Wars Lego collection, my computer games, my coloring books, my action figures, my arts and crafts boxes…
Most of the time, when I really regressed, sex wasn’t on my mind. Only sometimes.
I believed Daddy when he said he loved seeing me that way. He showed it all the time, and he was the best Daddy in the whole galaxy. But he also had his own needs, and whenever he shouldered the role of protector and caregiver, I knew he’d feel even better if he had someone next to him. A partner.
I rested my head on his shoulder.
“Talk to me,” Daddy urged quietly.
I didn’t know what to say! He already knew. He knew of our dilemma. We both wanted a lifestyle. This wasn’t a game or something we just enjoyed as an occasional spice. When we were home, we wanted to be Daddy and Little to the fullest. But we couldn’t. Not for longer periods of time, and a weekend here and there just hurt my brain. I needed a lot of cushion to come out from a regressive phase.
And I wouldn’t have Daddy sacrifice his own needs for love and sexual affection just so I could be Little.
We’d made it work for six years. He was willing to go further—he’d do anything to protect our relationship. I wasn’t as concerned to seek alternative options, just like we’d done in the beginning when it was more play than love. I had faith in our trust in each other. I believed we were solid.
So I was going to hunt down a darn solution.
Chapter 1
State I’m In
“Next up, straight from Brooklyn! Give it up for The Second Initiative!”
It was a freaking rush to hear the people cheering right away. Maybe they were drunk already. They hadn’t fucking heard us yet. But I took advantage, quickly plugged in my guitar, and took a chord, holding it in place to pour a feedback effect out of the speakers and through the crowd. Then I took my spot in front of my mic and my overdrive on the floor, pressed down the pedal as Luiz hit the hi-hat, and Nicky followed suit. As the music exploded, so did the stage. Spotlights lit us up and killed the nerves.
I threw myself into the song, managing to block the outside world like I hadn’t been able to do this morning.
I’m leaving…in the morning.
I don’t…I don’t know where I’m going.
But we’ve got a long way to go.
Anthony Fender
“Why so glum, chum? Spring is fucking finally here. It deserves a good mood.”
I lifted a brow and side-eyed Nicky. God knew I loved the kid with all my heart, but I’d need some goddamn distance soon if he kept this up. It wasn’t spring that made him cheery; it was sweet, sickening love.
“I’m not glum. I’m hungry.” Actually, I was both. But whatever. I just wanted to get home and heat up some of the food Nonna had passed on to me after our last Sunday dinner.
“You’re glum,” Nicky stated.
I ignored him and locked up for the day. My hope that Nicky would take off with the other instructors as soon as the last classes were over had been in vain. Then I remembered that Nicky’s man was picking him up. They were going to a second showing of a condo…or a house, I wasn’t sure. Since this past winter, it felt like they’d ransacked all of Brooklyn for the perfect home.
In my brother’s defense, it was Gideon, his partner, who was the picky one.
Juggling a stack of books and countless folders of sheet music, I took the lead toward the staff parking lot behind the school and reluctantly agreed to go to dinner with Nicky and Gideon on Friday. Nicky had already noticed I’d become withdrawn recently, and there was no need to stoke that fire.
“Can you at least be happy about your upcoming vacation?” Nicky asked, frustrated.
I frowned at him and dug out the keys to my truck. “I am happy about it.”
“You’re hiding it well,” he muttered.
All the work shit I was bringing home with me ended up in the back seat.
I didn’t have the heart to tell him that he was the reason I’d been down. I had no right to take a dump on his sunshine either. My little brother was one of the best guys I knew. Genuine, caring, funny, protective. He was also still in his twenties, and he’d recently found the love of his life, and it was all he could fucking talk about. Gideon this, Gideon that.
I didn’t begrudge them for a second. They deserved every ounce of joy. I just… Fuck it. It was evidently not in the cards for me to get something similar for myself.
Gideon had already reached out to me for advice on what to give Nicky for
