“Hey, I’m interesting,” I defended myself.
“Of course you are,” he said, patting my hand. “But a profile name is like a billboard; people have to notice it.”
“Hmm,” I deliberated.
“Too bad you don’t have an outdoor hobby, we could use ‘Loves to Skate,’ or ‘Camping Fun.’’’
We sat in silence.
“How about your zodiac sign—what is it?” Eddie asked.
“Aries.”
“Let’s go with that. You need to make it clear you’re a woman, so Aries Girl, and you run the words together so it’s AriesGirl.”
“Yeah, I can go with that,” I sighed.
Eddie snapped his fingers. “I’ve got it! A way to make it sound sexy: AriesGurl.”
“If you think that works….”
“It works,” he said, clapping his hands together. “What are we going to do about photos?”
“No photos! All I have are bad ones! I haven’t had a good picture taken in ten years! More than that! The last good photo was Christmas 1999 because half of me was hidden behind the tree.”
“Then it’s time to get some new ones. Go find something sexy to wear.”
“All I have is leggings,” I said, thoughtfully. “I may have a V-neck T-shirt….”
“We’re going to need more wine,” Eddie said, rubbing his temples.
26
Despite all his protests, Ian joined Tinder. Maddy was on Bumble, so it was official: we were, all three of us, unmarried and on dating sites.
“So should we take bets to see who meets The One first?” Madison said one night in early August when we were having a bucket of spaghetti for dinner at my house.
“What the hell’s The One?’” Ian asked, using his fork to poke around in the white cardboard bucket.
“You know, The One.” Maddy took a long drink from her water glass. “And stop picking out all the meatballs, Ian. Mom, he’s hogging the meatballs!”
“There are a bunch on the bottom; I ordered extra,” I said calmly. “Let’s get back to The One.”
“The One is the person you’re meant to be with, your soulmate, your perfect match,” she said.
Ian snorted. “You’re kidding, right, Madd?”
“Laugh all you want.” She pretended to look offended. “But I think there’s genuinely someone for everybody. You just have to find each other.”
I slurped up a string of spaghetti, pondering this. The One?
I’d grown up on Cinderella and Snow White fairy tales, without question believing there was a prince out there for me. I never really got behind the idea of being saved by that prince, because I was always quite certain I could save myself, but that wildly romantic notion of having a soulmate? I’d bought into it big time.
For much of my adult life, Adam had been The One for what I’d believed was forever. After that, Bryan had been The One for a period of time. Maybe I’d maxed out on meeting the ones I was meant to be with.
“I see you feeding Penny pasta,” I said to Ian. “She’s going to get fat.”
Ian shrugged. “She looks cute with a little bit of pudge.”
“I wish someone would say that about me,” I sighed.
The doorbell rang, and Penny charged at it like a bull.
“Lily, this late?” Madd asked.
“Nah, FedEx,” Ian said. “Mom’s shopping addiction has taken on a whole new level.”
“Hey, I send a lot of stuff back,” I defended myself.
I brought in the Amazon box and stuck it in a corner.
“Go ahead, Mom. You don’t have to wait to open it.”
Truth be told, I didn’t want the kids to see me open the jade roller to de-puff undereye bags, the mini teapot shaped like Humpty Dumpty, or the set of three garden gnomes with little plaid hats.
“It’s fine, I’ll wait,” I said. “Now, where were we?”
“So, no one believes there’s someone out there for them?” Madison pushed her plate away and sat back in her chair.
“It’s a bit of a stretch, don’t you think? It’s a big weight to carry around, thinking you have to be perfect for someone else,” Ian said.
“No one has to be perfect. They just need to be better people when they’re together,” Maddy said. “What do you think, Mombo?”
“My days of believing in a prince out there for me are long gone,” I said, picking up the empty bucket and carrying it to the trash. “But yeah, I do think there are people put in our paths that are good for us. You just have to be ready.”
I bent down and scrubbed at Penny’s chin to get off the bits of spaghetti sauce off her little face as she tried to bite at the dishcloth.
“So what’s the verdict?” I asked the kids.
“I say wait for The One,” Madison said. “Work is so busy, people coming and going all day long. Someone wonderful could walk in and start up a conversation any time; you never know!”
I envied her confidence and wished I had the same.
“It could happen in your office too, Mombo.”
“Somehow, I don’t picture Mr. Right just walking in the door to pay his sewer bill,” I sighed. “How about you, Ian?”
“My plan is to cycle through as many women as possible while looking for The One,” Ian said, laughing when I shot him a look of horror. “Kidding. But I can’t just wait around for that one woman to come along.”
“So what’s your plan?” I asked him. “You always have a plan.”
“Try to ignore how superficial the sites are and connect with someone genuine,” Ian said.
It sounded like a plan.
27
By September, I had established an exercise routine.
Sort of. I went to the gym two or three days a week after work and once on weekends. Had I regained my fitness level? Nah. Overcome the locker-room modesty? Nope.
But I was proud of the fact that Marvin knew who I was now at the Y, greeting me by name when I went in. That made me almost a regular.
I walked fast on the treadmill at a slight incline, but found I sweated more on the stationary bikes. Each machine had a
