You saved me from a fate that was probably worse than death because I wasn’t truly living until I met you. You were relentless in your efforts to help me see the world half-full, and I’ll forever be grateful for that. You’re the most selfless person I know, and you deserve to be with someone who won’t test those limits. I tried Jaxon. I tried to be normal, and I tried to be someone you could build a life with. But I failed. I failed you, and I failed your little girl today. There’s just too much of my soul that needs mending, things that love isn’t enough to fix. You can’t love away the pain I live with. And because I know you’re willing to spend your entire life trying, it’s best for me to go.
Emersyn deserves all of your attention without having to worry about my needs. I didn’t want you to have to make this decision, Jaxon. I love you with every fiber of my existence, and I know that I’ll be walking this world with a vital piece of me missing. But I need to be selfless now, so I’m letting you go. I need to give you the chance to find someone who can help you raise Emersyn into a beautiful woman one day. You’re an amazing dad Jaxon, just like I knew you’d be. Emersyn is the luckiest girl in the world to have you. Every beautiful thing about her stems directly from you. From her beautiful face to her vibrant spirit, the best parts of you have transferred to that beautiful little girl. And because of that, I know she’ll be nothing less than extraordinary. I hope you find someone to love one day, and I’m so sorry it couldn’t be me.
I wish things were different. I wish I wasn’t so screwed up, and that I knew how to love all of you, especially that little girl you helped make. But the truth is, my parents sealed my fate long before you were my Charming, and I was your Nyx. And I refuse to seal yours. Be happy, Jaxon. Please don’t ever change. You love deeply, passionately, and unconditionally. Share it with someone worthy of all that. I didn’t want to leave you without a good-bye, so here it is. Remember me, Jaxon, but don’t dwell on me. I wish our story ended differently, but it just wasn’t in the cards for us. I’ll take all of your love with me and hold on to it for as long as my feet rest above the ground.
I’ll more than love you, forever.
-Nyx
I stand up, staring at the flimsy paper, twisting it and examining its edges.
How can something so fragile hold the power to devastate me this way? How can Cameron think this was selfless of her? Doesn’t she understand I fucking need her like the air I’m breathing right now? I feel my heart breaking apart piece by piece.
“You are worthy of all of it! Why can’t you fucking see that?!” I scream into her words, willing her to hear me.
Falling to my knees, I bow my head in defeat.
I sniffle and run the back of my hand across my cheek, wiping away the dampness I find there. My eyes grow heavier with the weight of tears lining the brim.
I rub at my chest, trying to ease the pain. “Why’d you give up on me, Nyx?” I choke out, hoping to get clarity on where I went wrong.
I rest my head in my hands, trying to breathe in the small amount of oxygen that Cameron left me with.
I feel like the world’s collapsing around me. I squeeze my head in hopes of redirecting the pain shooting through every inch of my heart.
How’d I not know she’d do this? I fucking love her! Does she not realize everything I did for her she returned tenfold? Maybe not in the same way, but she’s marked every corner of this house with her memory.
There’s no home for me without her. Once you’ve had a taste of heaven, there’s no settling for life on Earth. There’s nowhere I can look and not see her.
Cameron embedded herself inside my soul then ripped herself apart from it with no warning.
She took a torch to everything we built together and burned it all down in a matter of minutes, leaving me here with the ashes of what she left behind.
What happened today was an accident. Yes, it sucked. My baby girl got hurt, but she’s fine. Cameron didn’t ruin her life because she couldn’t predict the future. She’s fucking human.
Damn this girl, if she would’ve just given me the chance to explain, she would’ve known this wasn’t her fault. I never blamed her or deemed her unfit to be around Emersyn.
If anything, she was making progress opening up to her. But she never fucking saw the positive, no matter how much I tried to shower her with praise, compliments, grand gestures, and encouragement. Cameron never thought she was worth any of it.
I scream, the physical pain in my chest not something that can be fixed with medical intervention. Cameron’s the only one who can fill the hole she left in me, the one she just created by abandoning me.
Just like my parents did.
Just like everyone does.
I stand up, walking over to the entryway to gather her pictures. I look down at the ones visible to me. Even though I wanted to do this together, I need to feel close to her.
I bend down and pick one up, examining the sunset behind the horizon. It’s the beach, of course. The orange sun setting beneath the waves, the darkness following behind.
Just like now.
I look around at the mess of photos and notice most are pictures of the places on her list we visited together, a lot of
