“Me too.” Garrick wondered about her story but figured she had just as much a right to privacy and a chance to start over as he did. Probably more.
Grace rested her head in her hand, and Garrick could feel her checking him out from the corner of her eye. She suddenly smiled and laughed in a way that lit up her whole face. “So what freaked you out more?” she asked, turning fully to face him. “That Shawn was starting to see you as a father? Or that you took the next step in your head and worried that meant I was starting to see you as a potential husband?”
“What! I didn’t...” Fuck. “Maybe I did for a second.” A heavy ache sat like lead in Garrick’s gut, weighing on him with a pain he could not ignore. “I worried more that you might not want me around your children anymore when you found out I was gay.”
“Got news for you, Langley. I already knew you were gay.” Grace covered his mouth before he could protest. “Let me clarify,” she said as she took her hand away. “I suspected you might be.”
“No way.” Garrick’s blood rushed too fast, making him feel unsteady. “You’ve never even hinted that you thought I might be.”
She shrugged. “I figured you might be in the closet and it wasn’t my place to ask.”
Garrick sucked in a breath that burned his throat and lungs, and his hand shook as he held it against his mouth. “I tried not to think about it,” he said, the words muffled. “I don’t think I even realized how scared I was until my talk with Chloe today. You can never be sure how people will react.”
“Look at me, Garrick.” Grace paused, waiting him out in silence until he pulled his head out of hiding. When he did, she offered him a small smile. “I am tired a lot and it shows on my face, I’ll admit that. But if there’s one thing I can count on with a heterosexual man, it’s that he’s going to look at my breasts.” She raised a brow and her lips twisted as she added, “And that he’s going to stare more than once. I don’t dress provocatively but I can’t hide my shape or that my size is noticeably above average. You gave my breasts a cursory glance when you first came to look at the garage apartment and your gaze hasn’t drifted back to my chest since. I figured you were gay or asexual. Either way, I knew you weren’t interested in me physically.”
“Mother fucking shit.” Garrick couldn’t seem to pull more than that one phrase from his vocabulary.
“It has been nice having a guy around without having to worry about fending off moves.” Grace curled her hand around his forearm, warming his skin with her touch, and she didn’t break eye contact as she spoke. “I’m not worried about you and my kids, Garrick. I’m grateful for your patience with them, especially Shawnee, and that you care about them and want to be in their lives.”
“I do.” He blinked and blinked and blinked, and could not fucking believe he was fighting the pressure of tears threatening to fall. “Yours too, Grace. I like you, and in a short amount of time, you’ve become one of the most solid friends I’ve ever had. It’s just not a sexual interest.” Christ, I can’t believe not ogling her boobs gave me away. “For what was to you an apparently obvious reason.”
“What was obvious to me was that you didn’t want that guy to leave earlier.”
Garrick chuckled, the sound husky. “I’m that far gone, huh?” He wiped his eyes to make sure everything was still dry. “It didn’t take your daughter more than a few hours to pick up on it either.”
“And what about the guy?” Grace asked. “Devlin. Is he aware you have feelings for him?”
“It’s complicated.”
“You’re a smart guy. Find a way to make it simple.”
Garrick couldn’t control the grin or burst of pride that took him over whenever he thought about Devlin. “He’s smart and he makes me laugh and I don’t think I’ve ever met anyone sweeter. And he’s sexy too.” He could feel himself blushing like a fool and didn’t care. “Isn’t he?”
Grace nodded and smiled back at him. “He definitely has something that makes you look twice. You’re no slouch yourself, though, mister. Could use a haircut, maybe.” She pushed strands that had come loose of his elastic band behind his ear. “But other than that, very attractive. If it wasn’t for my daughter, I’d say you have the prettiest blue eyes I’ve ever seen.”
Garrick plummeted. Yet another thing that isn’t real. Something else that isn’t the same as the man Devlin found so attractive in San Francisco. I don’t even have my name anymore. My career. An identity I can claim truly belongs to me.
He wavered, and his shoulder hit the porch railing as the yard swam in front of his eyes. “I don’t have anything to give him.”
Garrick hadn’t even realized he’d spoken aloud until Grace rubbed his shoulder. He turned to her, and sympathy filled her gaze. “Give him you,” she said. “Believe me, I’ve learned the hard way that everything else is just noise.”
He opened his mouth, curious once again about where quiet wisdom like that came from, when that buzz of awareness simmered under his skin again. Garrick glanced into the oncoming darkness of night beyond the front yard, finding it hard to see in the shadows. Instinct said to shoot to his feet and do a thorough search of the neighborhood, but then the softest scuffing noise pricked his ear, and Garrick whipped his head around to look behind him.
Shawn stood on the other side of the screen door, Transformer in hand.
“Jesus, buddy.” Garrick pressed his hand to his heart, as if that would control its speeding pace. “You’re getting as quiet as a ninja.”
The boy perked up straight.
