She hated being so vulnerable.
When he released her and stepped away, she opened her eyes. His tortured expression spoke volumes. He was as confused by their kiss as she was.
“I’m so sorry, Ryan,” she said. “Kissing you doesn’t help. We’re trying to work together on this, unofficially, and I don’t want to make things more complicated.” She should stop talking if all she was going to do was fumble around.
Ryan scraped both hands through his hair, his frustration evident.
Oh. Now she’d hurt him. That hadn’t been her intention. Would she ever be anything to him but a huge pain? Surely he didn’t want a second chance with her.
“Look, Ryan, not that you’re asking me, but I don’t deserve a second chance with you.” Especially since she wasn’t sure that she wanted one.
Far more than the words themselves, Ryan was stung by the tone in her voice, and the complete lack of warmth in her eyes. This was her way of trying to brush him off. He blamed himself for getting in this situation in the first place. He could have put another deputy on the house while Jackson got her car. Ryan didn’t have to personally sit in the house with her on the comfy sofa with a fire. And he definitely should never have kissed her—a woman whose sister’s murder he was in charge of investigating. He should have never kissed her—the woman who almost destroyed him four years ago.
And he should walk out now, but he couldn’t leave without addressing her comment. “Don’t worry. I learned my lesson long ago.” He grinned, hoping to dial down the tension. If he let it get the best of him, this wouldn’t end well.
But he wouldn’t let her hurt him again. He would never trust her with his heart. He’d known better than to get his hopes up, which was how he knew he was going to be okay, despite her rejection today.
Regardless, he had to rein this conversation in before it became a full-blown argument. He needed to keep this civil because of what he was about to tell her. So far, he’d kept his distance from her personal investigation into Sarah’s murder, but now he needed to shut her down.
First things first. “Your father came by the county offices to see me today.”
That brought her chin up. “What did he want?”
“He wants what I want for you. Your safety. That’s only going to happen if you stay out of this.”
“You told me earlier you knew you couldn’t stop me,” she said. “And you can’t.”
“Yeah, well, there was another attempt on your life today, remember? That’s two in one day. Someone tried to run you over and when that didn’t work, they plowed right into the café! So that changes everything. I can’t imagine what Sarah was into that someone is so determined to hide, but so far they’ve killed four people and now they’re going after an FBI agent. This isn’t an investigation you can handle as a private citizen. It’s just too dangerous.”
“They might not know that I’m FBI, Ryan. You give them too much credit when it seems they are becoming careless, which is good for us. We can get the killer sooner.”
He took a step closer and tried to skewer her with his eyes. “I’m telling you right now, do not think about continuing to look into her death. Step back from it and hand over everything you’ve learned so far.”
She stepped closer as well and stood taller, unwilling to back down. “Maybe I can never get her back, but I can find her killer. Please don’t try to stop me.”
“You’re exasperating, you know that? Let me do it, Tori. This is my job, not yours.”
“Who’s stopping you from doing your job? Not me.” She thrust her hands on her hips, as if to dare him to stand in her way.
“You’ve always doubted me. Doubted my abilities. You think you’re more qualified to find her killer than I am.” His gut twisted as he laid his insecurities out there for her to tromp on.
She raised her arms into the air and moved away to pace behind the sofa. “It has nothing to do with that, Ryan. Nothing at all. I explained this to you. Why do we keep coming back to this?”
“You’re right. It does feel like the same old argument.” Like the one they’d had when she left him to move and take a new job. He’d thought he’d gotten over that. But it was painfully obvious to them both that that wound remained and still festered.
Why hadn’t he gotten over that hurt? Gotten over her? He must somehow shove aside those forbidden feelings to stay focused on this investigation.
He crossed his arms. “If you’re going to do this then I insist you share information with me or I’m going to slap you with obstruction charges.”
She narrowed her eyes. “You wouldn’t.”
“Try me.” Ryan set his jaw.
Releasing a slow breath, she said, “I haven’t learned anything that could be useful to you, Ryan.”
“You were in Shady Creek to follow a lead. That much is obvious. Someone tried to kill you while you were there—to prevent you from finding out more? Don’t lie to me.”
Her throat moved up and down with her swallow. “Okay. Okay. It’s a slim lead, at best. I found out that Sarah participated in an environmental protest in Sacramento with a group called A Better World. Did you know about any of that?” she asked.
“No. My investigation hasn’t gotten into the victims’ hobbies or personal causes yet. We’ve been confirming alibis of all those nearest to the four. Talked to families, significant others, people at their places of employment. I questioned those who worked with Sarah at GenDynamics.” Before the attacks on Tori, he was looking into all possibilities for the four victims but looking more closely at Mason’s life.
“Her part-time work as an accountant didn’t matter to her nearly as much as her volunteering. Sarah was always into social
