“Well, unfortunately, I don’t think she had anything to do with stringing our vic up and cutting off his junk. But I did find what she said about him being a loner interesting.”
“Yeah, me too.”
“Okay. Let’s get into this guy. You take his social media, and I’ll start looking into his financials. See what we come up with.”
“On it.”
Gavin stepped off the elevator and walked slowly down the stylishly decorated hallway, searching for apartment 10B. He’d never been to Gerri’s place before, and he hated the circumstances that brought him here now.
Outside the door, he took a couple of deep breaths and wondered what he’d say to her.
The last time he’d seen her was at the funeral, and she’d been in no condition to talk then. He should’ve come to check on her sooner; he knew that. But he simply had no clue what to say. Not with all the feelings and the tension hanging between them.
“Suck it up, Gavin.”
He raised his fist and softly knocked.
To his right, a door opened at the next apartment, and an older Asian gentleman stepped out. He smiled and bowed a greeting Gavin’s way.
“Hello.” Gavin nodded, and waited for the man to step into the elevator. Then he knocked a second time, slightly harder.
Finally, he heard movement on the other side of the door. It was a few more moments before the door slowly opened.
The first thing he noticed was that her dark eyes — normally bright and soulful — were red and puffy, and lacked the spark of fire that he usually saw there. But even so, she was beautiful.
“Lieutenant?”
Her voice was meek and hollow, almost as though she were drugged, and Gavin instantly regretted not coming sooner.
“I came to check in on you. May I come in?”
Gerri looked behind her, seeming to consider his request. Then she stepped aside, opening the door wider.
“Don’t mind the mess. I wasn’t expecting anyone.”
He stepped inside and glanced around.
The place wasn’t what he’d call a mess, exactly. But there were used tissues scattered around the space like forgotten un-melted snowballs. Half-empty bottles of water and juice dotted the coffee table in front of the couch, and the shades were drawn, keeping out the sunlight. The air in the place was stale, like she hadn’t been out in days.
Gavin turned toward her. “How are you?”
She wore a pair of pajama pants and a matching t-shirt, and Gavin suspected she’d been wallowing this way for three whole weeks.
“Me? Oh, I’m just peachy.” She wandered over to the couch and flopped down. “How are you, boss?”
Gavin took note of her sarcasm, and her obvious sorrow, and he sighed.
“I spoke with Dr. Newman today. He said that he’s only seen you one time since the shooting. And that you’ve rescheduled your next appointment with him multiple times.”
“Ratted me out, did he?”
“He’s worried about you. Like we all are.”
Gerri swayed her long slender legs back and forth.
“Yeah, well. I just couldn’t get myself together to go in.”
Gavin finally sat down at the other end of the couch.
“Seeing Dr. Newman was a condition of your leave of absence, Detective.”
He watched Gerri’s gaze roll over the ceiling.
“I know, Lieu. I just…” She paused and shook her head. “I don’t think that it’s for me.”
“Everybody feels that way about therapy, Miller. It’s normal.”
“No, sir. I don’t mean therapy.” She hesitated and fidgeted with her fingers. “I mean the job. I don’t need to see Dr. Newman because I don’t think I’ll be staying with the department. I’m not sure police work is for me anymore.”
All the air left Gavin’s lungs.
He took a deep breath to steady himself. Her knee-jerk decisions were giving him whiplash.
“First you want out of my unit, and now you want out of the job altogether?”
Gerri sighed and sank further into the couch, saying nothing.
Gavin angled his body so he could look directly at her.
“Detective…”
He paused and looked down at the couch for a second. Then he licked his lips and tried again.
“Gerri… I know Curt’s death has been hard on you. Your partner practically bled out in your hands.”
Just the mention of it brought back the memories of that day. When Curt was shot in the apprehension of the Lullaby Killer, Gerri had tried her damnedest to stop the bleeding.
“And there was nothing you could do to stop it. That kind of thing would trip anybody up. I’ve seen it happen to hard, macho men who thought they had it all together.”
“Yeah, well seeing it happen doesn’t mean shit. No offense.”
Her tone held a lot of bitterness, and Gavin couldn’t blame her.
“No offense taken. Because you’re absolutely right. Seeing it, and experiencing it are two very different things. I know.”
“Oh, stop trying to pretend you know how I feel. You don’t know!”
The sight of her tears gripped his heart.
“Actually, I do.”
Gerri wiped at her tears and looked at him.
“You do?”
“I was still in uniform at the time. I’d been on the job for four years to the day. My partner, Tony Deacon, and I were on a routine traffic stop. The car had blown a red light, and we pulled it over. It came up completely clean when we ran the plates. But it turned out the passenger inside the car had multiple warrants for assault and armed robbery.”
Gavin paused and gave himself a moment. Reliving one of the worst days of his life always made it difficult to breathe.
“I approached the driver’s side to get license and registration while Deke approached the opposite side. Passenger got spooked. He shot at Deke three times and bolted from the car. I didn’t know what to do. Should I go help my partner, who’s bleeding out on the ground from a bullet to the face, or should I run after the asshole who’d just shot him?”
He saw it all so clearly in his mind, felt it all so deeply. Still.
“What did you do?”
Gerri’s voice was soft and intense, hanging on his every word.
“I
