Lila stood there feeling as if she was under a microscope.
Did it show, she wondered. Did Lucie suspect that there had been more than just high school between her and Everett?
“Why?” she asked suspiciously, wondering what Lucie was getting at. It wasn’t that she didn’t trust Lucie, it was just that inherently she had trouble lowering her guard around anyone.
“Well, if someone who I knew back in high school suddenly turned up in my life,” Lucie said easily, “I don’t think I’d dress up in something that would make me look like a runway model just to go out to lunch with him.”
Lila shrugged, avoiding Lucie’s eyes. “I’m just showing off the trappings of a successful career, I guess.”
“Are you sure that’s all it is?” Lucie asked, observing her closely.
Lila raised her chin, striking almost a defiant pose. “I’m sure,” she answered.
Lucie inclined her head, accepting her friend’s story. “Well, if I were you, I’d remember to take a handkerchief with me.”
Lila stared at the other woman. What Lucie had just said made absolutely no sense to her.
“Why?”
Lucie’s smile was a wide one, tinged in amusement. “Because you’ll need a handkerchief to wipe up your friend’s drool once he gets a load of you looking like that.”
Lila looked down at herself. Granted, she’d taken a lot of time choosing what to wear, but it was still just a two-piece outfit. “I don’t look any different than I usually do,” Lila protested.
Lucie’s smile widened a little more as she turned to leave. “Okay, if you say so,” she answered agreeably, going along with Lila’s version. “But between you and me, you look like a real knockout.”
Good, Lila thought. That was the look she was going for.
There were mornings at work when the minutes would just seem to drag by, behaving as if lunchtime would never come. Lila would have given anything for that sort of a morning this time around because today, the minutes just seemed to race by, until suddenly, before she knew it, the clock on the wall opposite her office said it was eleven fifteen.
She’d told Everett that she would meet him at the restaurant she’d selected at eleven thirty.
That meant it was time for her to get going.
Lila took a deep breath, pushed her chair away from her desk and got up.
When she stood up, her hands braced against her desk, her legs felt as if they had suddenly lost the power of mobility.
For a moment, it was as if she was rooted in place.
This was ridiculous, Lila told herself, getting her purse from her drawer.
She closed the drawer a little too hard. The sound reverberated through the glass walls and next door Lucie immediately looked in her direction. Grinning, Lucie gave her a thumbs-up sign.
Lila forced herself to smile in response then, concentrating as hard as she could, she managed to get her frozen legs moving. She wanted to be able to leave the office before Lucie thought to stick her head in to say something.
Or ask something.
This was all going to be over with soon, Lila promised herself.
Once out of the building, she made her way to her car. An hour and she’d be back, safe and sound in the office and this so-called “lunch date” would be behind her, Lila thought, trying to think positive thoughts.
It would be behind her and she’d never have to see Everett again.
But first, she pointedly reminded herself, she was going to have to get through this ordeal. She was going to have to sit at a table, face Everett and pretend that everything was just fine.
She was going to have to pretend that the past was just that: the past, and that it had nothing to do with the present. Pretend that those events from thirteen years ago didn’t affect her any longer and definitely didn’t get in the way of her eating and enjoying her lunch. Pretend that the memory of those events didn’t impede her swallowing, or threaten to make her too sick to keep her food down.
Reaching her car, Lila got in and then just sat there, willing herself to start it. Willing herself to drive over to the restaurant and get this lunch over with.
Not a good plan, Lila. This is not a good plan. You should have never agreed to have lunch with Everett. When he wrote to you on your Facebook page, asking to meet with you, you should have told him to go to hell and stay there.
You’ve got no one to blame but yourself for this.
Lila let out a shaky breath and then glanced up into the rearview mirror.
Lucie was right. She looked fantastic.
Go and make him eat his heart out, Lila silently ordered herself. And then, after you’ve finished eating and he asks if he could see you again, you tell him No!
You tell him no, she silently repeated.
Taking another deep breath, she turned the key in the ignition.
The car rumbled to life. After another moment and a few more words of encouragement to herself, Lila pulled out of her parking space and drove out of the parking structure and off the lot.
The restaurant she’d selected was normally barely a five-minute drive away from the Foundation. Even with the sluggish midday traffic, it only took her ten minutes to get there. Before she knew it, she was pulling into a space in the restaurant’s parking lot.
Sitting there, thinking of what was ahead of her, Lila found that she had to psych herself up in order to leave the shelter of her vehicle and walk into the restaurant.
To face her past.
“No,” she contradicted herself through gritted teeth. “Not to face the past. To finally shut the door on it once and for all and start your future.”
Yes, she had a life and a career, a career she was quite proud of. But she also needed to cut all ties to the woman she had once been. That starry-eyed young woman who thought that
