She knows better. College isn’t my thing. Hell, despite my name on a diploma that will be handed out tomorrow at graduation, the only reason I’ve darkened the doors at school was for her.
“You don’t want to go?”
I turn and glare at her, hating the pain I see in her eyes with my staged anger. I’m ecstatic for her, but it kills me to know she’s leaving.
“Go?” I snap. I want nothing more, but logistically, it doesn’t make sense. “And do what?”
“We can get an apartment or something.”
“Are you forgetting I have no money?”
I had plenty before she showed up, but those ill-gotten gains withered away when I stopped associating with the other guys from school. Tinley’s family may be poor and have fallen on bad times, but they’re upstanding people, going to church every Sunday, spending time together as a family.
“Maybe you can stay with us until you find work.”
It’s a futile offer, and she knows it.
My reputation was impossible to hide from her father. The damage was done long before they arrived and despite changing, according to her dad, once a degenerate, always a degenerate.
“And hide in the attic?”
I can’t meet her eyes as I reach past her to the passenger side floorboard to get my shoes.
“I’m eighteen now. Dad has to understand.”
“Understanding doesn’t mean he’s going to welcome me with open arms, Tin.” I tie my sneakers with so much anger the laces cut into my fingers. This pain is nothing compared to the shattered pieces of my heart, knowing what I’m going to be forced to do.
This night started with her sneaking out of her house, something that normally was part of the thrill. Dirtying up straight-laced Tinley Holland has always thrilled me, and I know the reputation her dad despises me for was always a tick in the plus column for her. Daddy’s princess was attracted to the bad boy, and I played on that nearly every chance I got despite not doing even a fraction of the things that earned me that reputation.
We spent nearly an hour teasing and satisfying each other, unable to keep our hands off each other’s bare skin.
I was supposed to kiss her until her lips were red and swollen before dropping her off around the corner.
Tonight wasn’t meant for heartbreak and tears. Before I can even open my mouth to hurt her, her bottom lip trembles and tears stain her cheeks.
“I’ll stay.”
“No.” The word is like a gunshot in the cab of this old truck.
“Nanny needs help most days. I think my parents would—”
“You’re not fucking staying.”
“But you said you won’t go with me, so that leaves staying as the only option.”
“We graduate tomorrow, Tin.”
“I know.”
“That means our real lives start.”
Her fingers twist and tangle in her lap, the wetness from her eyes dripping onto them. She doesn’t bother to wipe them away, and the sight of her hurting is like a dagger to the chest. Tinley isn’t a crier. She’s a fixer. If something doesn’t work out the way she plans, she takes a step back, reevaluates, and approaches the issue at another angle. Hence, her suggestion of staying in this shithole town because this is where I am.
She’d throw away all of the dreaming and wishing just to be here with me. She’ll let me drag her down, change the trajectory of her life for what, love?
Not a chance in hell.
Love doesn’t last when every decision is a hard one.
Love doesn’t last when there’s never enough of anything else.
Love doesn’t last when you wake up each morning bitter and blaming those around you for your station in life.
I watched all of that unfold. Through pictures in the family photo album, I watched my dad transform from a man in love to an alcoholic who hated his life, his wife, and his son.
By the time I was six, Felipe Torres was miserable and unwilling to stay. It says a lot for the man who spent the rent money on a stolen pistol. He was out of control, hated the world, and unfortunately still so in love with my mom that he couldn’t leave this world without taking her with him.
“I’ll pick up more shifts at the grocery store,” she continues, like in my head I haven’t just replaced my father’s face in that tragic story with my own.
Just the thought of things ending that way for her makes my stomach roil, the threat of puking growing more real by the second.
“I don’t want you here.” I can’t even look at her when the lie rolls off my tongue.
“Wh-What?” The single word comes out on a sob, and my fingers twitch to pull her against my chest and make her forget what I just said.
“This was fun and everything, but high school is over.”
“And we get to start our real lives,” she hisses, angry hands finally swiping away the tears on her cheeks.
This determination and ire are exactly what I expected. Tinley is never one to roll over and not fight. Her advocacy for injustice is something she gets from her dad, despite the fact that he still sees me as the same punk-ass kid I was before she changed my entire world.
“My real life never included you.” The dagger in my chest twists, the pain searing enough that I feel the burn behind my own eyes.
“Ignacio Torres! That’s hateful.”
“It’s true,” I tell her with a swallow. “I was going to tell you tonight, in fact. The news of you moving away is just a bonus.”
“You said you loved me.” Her voice is weaker. “We were going to spend our entire lives together.”
“You were a shy virgin, and I wanted to fuck you. If lies were what it took to make that happen…” I shrug. “Don’t get me wrong, you’ve got a great pussy. Your mouth has been fantastic since you’ve learned to suck cock, but there are so many other women out there—”
I don’t turn my head when she slaps me across the face.
