Sighing, Hayden rolls his eyes and turns away, stalking down the beach. I watch his ass for half a minute, admiring the taut buns flex before I, too, turn away and grab my bag, depositing it next to the fire we’ll have later this evening.
Finn finally breaks away from Colt and comes to sit next to me, where I've dropped to the sand and made myself comfortable or as comfortable as I can be these days.
“How are you?” she asks softly.
“How are you?” I return brusquely.
“I’m, I don't know. It's day by day.”
“Same,” I mutter. “Look, I don't - I’m here because I don't want to think about it, okay?” I ask tiredly.
“Okay, I’m sorry. I get it.”
“Okay, thanks. Sorry,” I mutter, shame heating my skin at my rudeness, I’m spurning genuine concern like a bitch, and it doesn’t look good on me.
“Don’t be,” she says, dusting off her ass as she stands. “C’mon, wanna go in the water? I’ve been dying to since we got here, but the guys have been insisting on setting everything up before it gets dark.”
“Sure,” I say, rising and dropping my shorts and pulling my shirt over my head.
Although I’m calm on the outside, my stomach cramps painfully. I’m about to reveal yet another piece of me that I can never get back. It's mostly healed, now only a bright angry red scar that spans my lower pelvis and races across my stomach in a wide arc, but it exposes my battle, and I’m not sure I’m ready for anyone to know the extent of my horror.
I may never be.
I’m lucky to be alive, and this points to that more than anything, but I feel shaky, vulnerable, and exposed, even though I knew it would come to this, and I refuse to hide or feel ashamed.
This isn’t my weakness. This is my strength.
Finn ignores the scar, smiling at me sassily before heading down the beach. Purposely I chose my most revealing suit to get the ogling over with right off the bat. I’ve been blessed with a natural caramel tone to my skin, so my tiny white bikini glows nicely against it, despite the weeks I’ve spent hiding away inside.
My boobs have shrunk from my weight loss, but they still fill out the tiny triangles of my top nicely, and the bottoms barely cover my ass.
Leaving my glasses firmly in place, I saunter slowly down the beach, my pulse speeding through my veins at odds with my casual demeanor. Colt wolf whistles at Finn as she walks by in her own fire engine red suit, and she waves her hand at him with a giggle as the guys turn in unison to check her out, which means I’m next.
Clenching my hand at my side, I keep my eyes forward, but for the small weakness of glancing out of the corner of my eye. With a shiver, I acknowledge the heated gaze of Hayden as it caresses my curves, and my breath hitches in my chest as heat surges through my veins like liquid fire, my nipples tight little beads in my barely-there clothes.
But then, all at once, the heat turns cool, and I turn my head just enough to see him turn away, the loss clenching my chest painfully, just as it always has.
Fuck. Will the universe ever toss me a break?
Joining Finn at the water’s edge, I dip my toes in the lapping waves and swear, “Christ Finn, this shit is fucking cold.”
Giggling, she wades in and drops her body under the waves, calling out, “Don't be a pussy.”
Gaping at her for a moment, I roll my eyes at the little shy rich girl turned spitfire and wade in after her, gasping when the icy water covers my head.
“Fuck!” I shriek when I emerge, pushing my hair off my face with a shiver.
Laughing, she turns into the water, letting the gentle caress of the waves push her toward the shore, and with a small smile, I join her, relaxing into the moment as we bodysurf for a while, laughing when the surge is too great, and we go under.
It’s freeing to laugh and feel without it being painful, bittersweet in the wake of the past few weeks, which have been filled with laughter, but it’s been bitter and raw, an ache that sits perpetually on my frozen chest.
By the time Colt appears, my jaw aches from smiling, and there’s a joyful feeling behind my heart that I don't want to fade.
“Princess, c’mon, the crew is here, and we want to play a game before it gets too much darker.”
Finn rolls over in the water and gives him a small smile, to which his own widens, and I glance away, with a sigh emerging from the water.
It’s colder now that the sun is going down, and I’m perfectly numb, my toes curling in the rough sand as my skin pebbles with goosebumps.
“You too, Ramie, we need all hands on deck.”
Dubiously, I gaze at him. I suck at sports, always have. This is a known fact with all of these jerks. We grew up together, after all.
“C’mon,” Finn says, looping her arm through mine, “we can suck together.”
“Excellent,” I mutter dryly.
Immediately I seek out Hayden to find he’s got two bitches hanging off his arms, both dressed as skimpily as I, I note with distaste. Dirk, Colt’s best friend and incorrigible flirt, canoodles with his flavor of the week as they wait for us by the net.
Nate steps into my view, and I breathe a sigh of relief. At least he’s friendly, alone, and harmless.
He’s also appropriately subdued after the shit that went down a few weeks ago. Caught up in my brother’s games, he was accused of being Finn’s stalker after having been found with Sarah’s
