She plucked up one of the pendants that hung around her neck and held it out toward Zachary. He saw, with a mounting feeling of discomfort, that what he had taken to be a vial with rough pearls inside actually contained teeth.
“These are his. Not the teeth from his body, those were cremated with him, but baby teeth I helped him to pull out while he was still alive, and I could touch him and hold them in my hand.”
Zachary stared at her. This was why Molly was so concerned. Not just because Isabella was sad, mourning her lost child, but because her mourning had taken her into territory that was… morbid and unsettling.
“Maybe we could talk about what happened that day,” he suggested.
“This ring contains some of his ashes,” Isabella offered as if she hadn’t heard him. She held out her hand toward him, showing off a large purple stone like an amethyst. “You can get jewelry where you can put the ashes into a little chamber yourself, but this one, the ashes are actually suspended in the glass. You see the sparkle inside?”
“Yes.”
“This one,” she tapped the ring, “the producers will let me wear on air, but the tattoo and the teeth, those are inappropriate.” Her tone mocked their words. “Somehow those might drive the viewers away. They wouldn’t be able to handle my grief.” She dropped her hand to her lap. “My viewers know that I lost my child. Do they think I wouldn’t mourn him? Do they think after I’ve taken a few weeks off work, I’m all better? Everything is fine?”
“No. I don’t think they expect that. Probably your producers don’t either. They’re just being… cautious…” Zachary tried to pitch his voice so that it was low and soothing. Isabella was agitated, almost manic, and he didn’t know whether that was her normal state, or whether he had triggered her behavior by being there, asking about her son, trying to find some different answers from those she had already received. Did she go off like that on everyone?
Isabella ignored his assurance and went on, itemizing the other bits of hair and ash that were woven or contained within her various accessories. After a while, Zachary grew numb to it. It was no longer shocking or even surprising. He’d never known there were so many ways to carry a memento of your deceased loved one around with you. Obviously, the jewelry companies were ready and eager to provide the products.
Isabella seemed to be winding down. “I sent the rest of his ashes away to a company that makes diamonds. They actually take the ashes—carbon—and add heat and pressure to form them into a real diamond. It’s not just ashes suspended in a gem, like this,” she indicated the amethyst ring, “or inside a micro urn, like these… but the ashes are transformed into a diamond.”
“That’s amazing,” Zachary obliged. “But you don’t have it back yet?”
“It takes a few months to make. I’m hoping to have it before Christmas.”
“That would… be a nice present.”
“I want Declan to be with me. Always. I don’t ever want to be separated from him again.”
“Yes. I can see that.” Zachary took another breath, looking for his opening. “You must have been very scared when he disappeared.”
“I was! It was horrible. You don’t know the kind of terror… You don’t have any children, do you?”
“No.” Again, the lead ball in his stomach. “I don’t.”
“You could never understand how terrifying it is. He was right there. I only looked away for two minutes!”
“I don’t think anyone blames you. Children can wander away from even the most diligent caregiver.”
She shook her head, not believing it. She knew that it was her fault he had wandered away. It had been her responsibility. She was the one who had fallen down on the job, and the responsibility for his death fell on her. She wore that guilt just like all the leftover bits of Declan’s body.
“Can you tell me about how it happened? I know this is a terrible thing to ask of you. You’ve already had to repeat it so many times. Can you manage just one more…?”
Isabella looked at him, her hands wringing in her lap. Her eyes were once again hollow, the laugh lines gone.
“You don’t know what it’s like to lose a child,” she told him again.
Zachary gritted his teeth and didn’t disagree.
“He was playing outside in the back yard.” She made a gesture toward it. The yard was not visible from Isabella’s studio as it was from Spencer’s office.
“And you were supervising him? You were outside with him?”
“I wasn’t outside.”
“Oh. Where were you, then?”
“I was in the bedroom. It has patio doors that look into the yard. I could see him from there.”
Zachary nodded his encouragement. “I see. Do you mind if I… see the bedroom for a minute?”
Her lips tightened, and he knew she was going to say no. She thought that he was going to judge her as a negligent mother, watching her child from a distance instead of being out there with him, playing with him, talking and laughing with him. Had either of the parents really connected with Declan? Did either of them see him as a person rather than a responsibility?
“I’d like to see where the blind spots are,” Zachary explained. “Areas where an intruder might have approached and seen and talked to Declan without you being able to see them.”
“Oh.” Her expression softened, and she nodded. “Yes, I guess that makes sense.”
“Just think of it as a security sweep. I need to understand where the weaknesses in the defenses were. I’m not here to accuse you of anything.”
“Some people have been very cruel.”
Zachary hoped that didn’t include Isabella’s own husband and mother. She couldn’t have been an easy person to live with, wallowing in her grief, wearing her heart on her sleeve, as Spencer had said. Or her child’s face on her arm.
Isabella got off the stool and motioned briskly for Zachary to follow her.
