She dragged me into the throng of people heading into the carnival. There were bales of hay stacked in piles everywhere, and lit jack o’ lanterns smiling at us wherever we looked. Clowns, mimes, zombies, and Halloween characters dressed in cooky outfits were juggling, telling jokes, and making balloon animals. The music was loud, and the sun was setting soon.
Maddie made a beeline for the cotton candy cart. I shook my head. That girl could pack away food better than any linebacker I’d ever met. For being head cheerleader back in high school and for the university team, she didn’t really seem to care about dieting. She honestly had no need for it, given the fact that she weighed one-ten soaking wet.
She offered me some, but I waved it away. The lingering heat of the day was oppressive enough, I didn’t need to add the stickiness of woven sugar to the sweat already beading on my skin. It was Halloween, sure, but for some reason, my phone told me it was nearly eighty degrees out. A crime against nature, if you asked me. Fall was supposed to be crisp and smell like decaying leaves. This was just a travesty. This year just brought one unwanted surprise after the next.
It was sunny out, even as it descended over the horizon, and I’d worn my wide-brimmed floppy black hat to keep it at bay. It matched the black lace dress I’d sewed myself, and I actually felt pretty in it. When I’d shown up this morning for the bus, my former friends snickered at the ensemble, calling me witchy, spooky, and pale. Sometimes, I wanted to knock their teeth in for being assholes. They were correct though, I supposed, but I drew the line at the Twilight jokes. Besides, I knew I looked good. Screw those girls. They could go fuck themselves with a broomstick.
I stood there awkwardly with one earbud in, wishing I was back home in Sunset Hollow, having some spiced cider with the aunties. I wanted to take these heeled boots off, snuggle up in a onesie, and eat my weight in chocolate. But no, I had to pretend to be a normal human today and make my bestie happy. Life was unfair sometimes. Or maybe I was just being pathetic. Yeah…we’d go with that. Maybe Maddie was right. Maybe I needed to get out of my head for a little while…
There was a time not too long ago when I was exactly like the other girls on the squad who sneered at me as they walked by. I sneered back, but I stuck my tongue out, making them roll their eyes and flip their hair before sauntering off. Fuck, they were bitches. I hated knowing I was once one of them—bottle blonde hair to my butt, skin covered in fake tan, hair and nails done to perfection, and dressed in our high school’s cheerleading uniform.
None of it was me. Never had been, if I was being honest. Something shifted after the accident. Something fundamental, and I’d woken up the first day of summer before senior year feeling like a different person completely. My headspace was no longer filled with parties, plans, and people. I’d spent the whole last year of high school being exactly who I was meant to be.
My hair was now my natural dark orange, bluntly cut a few inches below my collar bones, and I’d let that fake Barbie tan fade away, leaving me ghostly pale. It was cathartic to throw my cheer uniform in the trash and set it on fire, along with all the bright clothing that I never felt right wearing.
I could practically feel my mom rolling in her grave. She’d hated Halloween when she was alive. In fact, she’d hated all the fun, spooky, gothic things that I loved. She’d despised anything considered alternative. Both she and my dad had claimed they couldn’t understand my fascination with dark or macabre things and always said I took too much after the aunties. Mom had usually worn pastels and kept her hair blonde instead of the dark orange that ran in our family. Dad had worn suits a lot, and they’d never shown even an ounce of eccentricity.
Sometimes, I really wondered if I was adopted. But I couldn’t have been, given the fact that I was the spitting image of my two aunties and my mom. The orange hair and icy eyes were too alike to question.
The summer after the accident, I stopped answering texts and calls from any of my friends. I stopped going places and doing things. I stopped being social and caring about who slept with who and trivial social bullshit. It just didn’t mean anything anymore. Gradually, my circle of friends grew smaller and smaller, until no one was left but Maddie. She was the one person who, despite all my changes and weirdness, would never abandon me. I was incredibly grateful for it.
The sound of low laughter broke through my foggy brain haze while I waited for my best friend, and I turned to find a group of guys passing us on our right. My stomach clenched just like it always did when they were around. Maddie waved at them limply while she choked down more cotton candy, heading back towards me, but all four basketball players sneered my way.
“Hey, pumpkin head, where’s your booth?” Michael stepped forward, smiling wickedly down at me. “This is a sideshow,
