Looking around the table, Gretchen sighed in resignation, “And if we aren’t even able to agree on that, we have to concede that he had fan-fucking-tastic taste in women.”
“Well, that’s true,” Sanders said loudly with a shrug. He winked at Gretch and she rolled her eyes at him.
“Everything happened as it had to,” I said loudly, finding my voice as I spoke. “I don’t regret our pasts. Everything we have been through made us who we are. But that doesn’t define us, right?” My voice grew stronger as I spoke. “We all have shit that we don’t want to think about, but what we do now, how we act and love and all that shit. That’s what matters, doesn’t it?”
“I’ll drink to that,” Gretchen said and the rest chimed in with similar sentiments.
Heat burned my cheeks, but looking around the table, I knew I meant everything I said. And all the people at this table understood it too. We all have a story. We all have a life and things that make us strive to live better. We’re all just trying to get by. These people brought joy to my life. But more than that, they made me feel like I was part of something bigger than myself. I needed people and that was okay. The SWS, and the men that love us, they made me a well-rounded person. It wouldn’t always be easy … but I was happy, dammit.
After another few shots and a few more hours of dancing, we were all slouched along the couches of the VIP area again to continue Suzie and Ford’s engagement party.
“Have you guys decided when the wedding is?” I asked Suzie.
“Next summer, we think,” she answered.
“Where at?” Kim asked.
“I’m fine with the courthouse. Maybe Vegas. Oh, or a destination wedding! Unlimited drinks on white sandy beaches. What do you think, babe?” she asked Ford.
He smiled slowly, his salt-and-pepper hair disheveled and Suzie ran a hand through it to sweep it off his face. “I don’t care. I just want to marry her. I want to let the whole world know I snagged the best woman.”
“Aww,” we all chorused and Suzie blushed deeply, happiness seeping out of her.
“Seriously, how did we all get so damn lucky?” Sanders asked.
“You’re welcome,” Gretchen chirped and I just shook my head. “I have a gift.”
“You sure do. Well, let’s see …” Kim said. “Devlin and me.” She pointed to Suzie.
“Me and Ford,” Suzie said.
“You led me to my Roxy,” Sanders jumped in seeing where Kim was going.
“Don’t.” Gretchen warned as she straightened in the couch. Her red hair was a mess from dancing. “Do not even go there. We know this isn’t happening for me.”
“Why?” I asked.
She gave me a look like I of anyone should know why.
“Please. This isn’t about me. Let’s just be happy for the engaged couple. Okay? Soon, you all will be shacking up and popping out babies and I’ll be cool Aunt Gretchen who helps them buy booze for parties.”
“Wait, what?” Kim said.
I laughed. “Oh, Gretchen.” I leaned forward to squeeze her leg. “Sweet, sweet Gretchen. All these years of meddling and you think you’re just gonna get off the hook?”
“I don’t need a man.” She lifted her chin.
“And we do?” I asked.
Sanders was fuzzy with drink and winked sloppily at me. “Nope,” he said.
“I just mean. I know—” She started but it was my turn to cut her off.
“None of us need these men.” I looked to the grumpy faces of Devlin and Ford. “Sorry,” I added not meaning it. Ford just nodded like it was true but Devlin shot me a look that made me flinch. “But we are certainly much better for having you all in our lives.”
I turned in Sanders’ lap, to look in his eyes. “You’ve made me believe in myself. You made me realize that love is not weakness. Love is the opposite. Fear is easy. Fear protects you. Love makes you vulnerable and scared. However, the reward is so much higher. I see that now, thanks to you.”
“I love you,” he said holding my gaze with somber intensity.
“I love you too.” I looked to the others feeling embarrassing moisture in my eyes. “I love you all. And apparently I’m a sappy drunk.” I sniffed and everybody shared their love in return.
I looked around the table and felt so much for each and every one of these people in my life.
“Time to go,” Sanders said unceremoniously. He scooped me up and threw me over his shoulder like a fireman. I squealed and tried to keep my skirt from flashing all my friends. “We gotta go. See ya,” Sanders said and started walking me to the front.
“Wait, we all took a limo!” I called.
He set me down but the others were coupling up and collecting their things too. They all seemed to have the same idea. Skip and Jack shared a look that brought heat to my cheeks.
“Alright, I’ll tell the driver we’re ready,” Gretchen said as she brought her phone out. “Couples, blah.” She stuck out her tongue dramatically but was smiling.
“You only have yourself to blame,” I said and put my arm around her. I kissed her cheek.
“Yeah. Yeah.” She smiled but there was just a hint of sadness that I vowed to take away, no matter what it took.
A few hours later, Sanders and I lay in bed at my apartment, sweaty and sated.
“We have to get up in four hours,” he mumbled, glancing at the alarm clock.
I ran a hand over my face. “Whose genius idea was it to take those shots?” I asked even though I loved the heat from the love bites Sanders had left all over my body. I stretched, languid with satisfaction.
He pulled me
