“I just—”
“Just what?” His voice is husky and stern and it sends alarms ringing through my head. “Just thought you’d sneak out and go see that boy who fucked you this summer?”
“No.” I shake my head while staring out the window. “I just needed some fresh air.”
Where are you, Mama? Why aren’t you here? Why did you have to leave me?
I close my eyes when I feel his presence draw closer. A breeze hits the side of my neck, before he sweeps my hair to the side. His calloused fingers scratch along my collarbone. “I thought I told you to stay away from that boy?”
“I have been.” I choke out the lie, but it’s pointless. He won’t believe it anyway.
“You screwing him again?”
“No. I swear, Rick...err, Dad. I haven’t done anything with him. It was just that once. I promise.” Rick doesn’t like it when I call him by his first name. He calls me his little girl and demands that I call him Dad. He’s not my dad. He’s nothing like my dad. My dad was a good man. Rick is a sick and sadistic monster that people worship as if he is their God.
“Turn around.”
My head shakes, no. I can’t look at him. It’s too hard to look at him.
“I said turn around,” he roars as he spins my body so that we’re face to face. I pinch my eyes shut tightly.
The Lord is my light and my salvation—whom shall I fear?
His palm presses to the top of my head as he pushes me down. I collapse on my knees and tears spill down my cheeks.
The Lord is the stronghold of my life—of whom shall I be afraid?
My stomach turns at the sound of his zipper coming down. The weight of his pants drops to my knees and his fingers clench my cheeks. “Open up, little girl.” When I don’t, he pinches harder, prying my lips apart by shoving two fingers inside my mouth and pushing down on my bottom teeth.
I dig my nails in the palms of my hands so hard that it’s all I can focus on. Blocking out his touch and the act that I’m being forced to commit, I focus on the beautiful pain of my nails piercing through my skin. I count as I alternate hands. Squeezing one, then the other—two, three, four, five.
Once I get to forty-six, he’s done.
Swallowing hard, I take what was given to me. His hand presses to my forehead and he aggressively shoves me backwards. My head hits the frame of the open window. “Go to bed. You’ve got school tomorrow.”
Swiftly, I’m crawling on all fours over to the trash can and throwing up what just went down before he’s even out the door. “Don’t forget to say your prayers. The Lord will forgive you for your sins,” he says before the door slams shut.
Wiping the back of my hand over my mouth, I curl into a ball on the floor. I notice the light of my phone where it lies on the floor. Somehow I must have kicked it off the bed when I was trying to get to the window.
Stretching my arm out, I grab it and slide it toward me. Numb of emotion with a stomach that’s completely empty, I push myself into a sitting position before swiping the screen.
Lars called. But, why?
Without even thinking about it, I return the call.
“Hey,” he says on the first ring.
“Can you come pick me up?”
“Yeah. Sure. Is everything ok?”
“Meet me around the corner of my house.” I end the call.
There’s no reason for me to stay here anymore. I’m eighteen years old and I can make decisions for myself. It’s time to face it: mom isn’t coming back. I need to leave now.
12
With a bag thrown over her shoulder, she leans against the stop sign beneath the streetlight. Lifting her head, she looks in my direction and begins walking to my car while I come to a rolling stop. I press the button to roll down the window, but she opens the door instead and climbs in.
“Hey. What’s wrong?” I ask her. It’s apparent something happened. Her puffy eyes and timid behavior are no mask for whatever she’s trying to hide.
Her hands fold in her lap and she stares straight ahead. “Just drive. Please.”
Giving her a minute, I don’t ask any more questions. I drive in complete silence, unsure where I’m even going. I left Talon’s an hour ago and drove down every road in this town before I found myself calling Willa to just ask how she was doing. She didn’t answer, though. Two minutes later, she called me back, and here we are.
“I’m gonna need that money, Lars. I have to leave Redwood tonight.”
“Tonight? You don’t even have your car.”
“I’m taking a bus. It’s not my car. It’s his.”
“Willa, let’s be real for a minute. You’re not leaving Redwood tonight.” I chuckle, though I don’t find it funny at all.
“You should have just stayed away, Lars!” she shouts, and for the first time, I see Willa in a different light. No longer the quiet girl—she wants to be loud and heard. “This is all your fault. You pissed him off and now I’m paying for it.” Tears slide down her cheeks and, in this moment, I realize something is very wrong.
“Did he hurt you?”
Her demeanor changes as fast it comes. “What? No. No one hurt me. I just...I just have to leave. Please, just give me the money and I’ll go and never return. No one will ever know about the baby, I promise.”
I haven’t had much time to think about the baby. It’s only been a couple days, but I think it’s time that I start. For whatever reason, she wants to leave. Maybe I should let her. Protect her from Zed. Protect her and the baby from me and my ugly secrets.
Pulling down the dirt road, I follow it
