The smell of toast has my mouth watering as I make a beeline for the kitchen. “Mmm, are you cooking?” I hover over Lars while he butters some toast on a napkin.
"Hey, I’ve got a question?” he says, as he folds a napkin around the toast. “Last night, you said nothing has changed. Do you still mean it?"
"Lars, please don't do this. I don't know how many times I have to tell you that it has to be this way." I feel like a broken record. There is a huge part of me that wants to believe that Lars could be the person I used to think he was, but the memory of unfortunate events he caused are still etched in my heart.
He turns his whole body toward me, like he’s been waiting for me to come down here just so he could talk about this. Was he thinking about it all morning? All night?
"I just don't get it, Willa. I was pretty sure all through high school that you had a crush on me and I know that I made some mistakes, but aren't those feelings still in there somewhere?"
Yes. They are. "No." I lie. They are in there, but they've been shoved into the back of the closet and filled with new feelings, such as shame and regret. "When I say that this is for the best, I don't just say it for me and the baby. I'm saying it for you, too. You don't want this life."
Lars snatches up the toast and some bottled waters and begins walking toward the door and it feels as if he’s taking a part of me with him. I hate that he still has this effect on me. Even after everything, I’m still so inarguably drawn to him.
“Hurry up, we gotta go,” he says with anger in his words as he pulls the door open to the garage. I sure hope that he drops this attitude quickly because the last thing I want is an hour long ride with a grumpy-ass.
“I’m coming.” I huff with each step. “Geez, couldn’t you have made this appointment in the afternoon?”
“Get used to it, sweetheart. You think babies care if you wanna sleep in?”
He has a point, but still, I find a way to argue it. Snubbing my nose in the air, I smirk. “She’ll be on my schedule.”
“Keep dreaming. Newborns don’t follow a schedule. They wake when they wanna wake, eat when they wanna eat, and shit all day long.” Instead of going to his car that’s parked in one of Anderson’s spaces in the ten-stall garage, he goes to an SUV.
“What are you doing?”
“We can’t take my car. It’s too well-known around here and you can’t be seen.”
He has another good point.
“Isn’t this like grand theft auto or something?”
Keys clank as they dangle from his hand and he seems to have lightened his mood. “Not when you have these.” He pulls open the passenger door and I slide in.
"I'm going to hell." I fuss. "Straight to hell."
"Save me a seat, cuz I'm going with you," Lars says before he closes the door and rounds the SUV to the driver’s side. I'm immediately engulfed in the new car scent and the smell of crisp leather. Lars is accustomed to fancy cars and valuable possessions, but I’m sure not.
“I’m sorry,” I say out of nowhere. “I’m sorry that I came along and shook things up for you.” Regardless of what Lars did to me, I have a guilty conscience of my own. I’m not as innocent as he thinks I am and the least I can give him is an apology to help ease the weight on my heart. Even if he doesn’t know what the apology is for.
“I’m sorry, too.”
There’s an awkward silence between us and the windows begin fogging up because I’m pretty sure I’m inhaling and exhaling three times the normal breaths.
Taking a bite of my toast, I speak with a full mouth to try and break the ice. “So, how do you know so much about babies?”
“I’ve been doing some reading. And I had a baby brother who cried and woke me up all hours of the night and bright and early in the morning.” He quickly changes the subject. “Take a nap and get comfortable, it’s about an hour and a half away.”
When he said he’d take me somewhere that no one would recognize me, he wasn’t kidding.
Once I finish my toast and wash it down with some water, I rest my cheek in my palm and stare out the window. If someone had told me a year ago that this is what I’d be doing my senior year of high school, I would have picked them up and carried them to church. As much as I hate the pastor, I sure do miss my church family. They’re the only real family I have.
Placing a hand on my stomach, I get this warm and fuzzy feeling that ripples through me. Unexpected and totally new. It’s this anxious, excited, butterfly feeling. I have a new family now. My baby and I are going to be the best of friends and I’m going to be the best mommy in the world to him or her. I smile as I stare out the window. I may have lost a lot, had a lot stolen from me, but now I have something that is all mine and no one can take it away.
“What’cha thinking about?” Lars asks. I lift my head with a big smile, but it wears away immediately when I remember what I’m doing to him. Taking his money and running, leaving him with a lifetime of what-ifs.
Pulling out a lie, I rest my head back down. “Just thinking of what themes I want for the baby’s room.”
“Oh yeah? And what have you come up with? If it’s not Baby Yoda, I don’t wanna know about it.”
“It’s not Baby Yoda, so I won’t bother telling you.”
“Humor me
