He raised one eyebrow in defiance. “Emi, do you seriously think I’m going to let you out of my sight right now?”
“It’s just the bathroom, Xander. Nothing’s going to happen inside our warded space.”
“I know. I’m still not letting you out of my sight, and I’m definitely not letting you pull away from me out of some sense of protecting me or some shit. I’m a big boy and an even bigger dragon, love. I can handle whatever comes my way and I can be there for you while I do it.”
“Can you handle sharing me?” I shot back the question with annoyance. Xan stiffened and his eyes became hard. “Because if my father spoke the truth, I need all of my mates to survive this. For us to find peace, I will need you and Ronan.”
“So you’re saying you’d accept that brown-nosing, back-stabbing asshole of a witch into your life and your bed? That you’d want me to share you? How would you feel about sharing me? Huh? What if I had another mate out there? How would you feel about that?”
He was practically yelling at that point. His chest was heaving and his eyes full of anger and hurt. This was what he had kept in, what he was keeping from me. I knew it was there, but I didn’t realize how hard it was for him. But then again, I was keeping my true feelings about it from him too.
My dragon nudged against me, urging me to make peace with our mate. She didn’t like fighting with him any more than I did, but some conflicts were unavoidable, no matter how much we tried to avoid them.
I took a deep breath and walked further into the bathroom, shedding the tank top and panties I slept in before reaching inside the shower and turning it on. I stuck my hand under the spray and waited for the water to get warm.
“That won’t distract me, ya know,” he grunted. But even so, he still walked further into the room and slipped off his boxer shorts.
“I wasn’t trying to distract you, but I’m glad to see you aren’t easily swayed.”
I stepped into the walk-in shower and let the spray wash away the anxiety I woke up with. A screaming match wouldn’t help the situation. I needed to talk to my dragon mate calmly because I needed him with me and on my side. Not just so I could survive, but because I couldn’t breathe without him. Even if he wasn’t my fated mate, I’d still choose him. But the fact that there was someone else out there who made me feel what I felt for Xan and I didn’t even know the guy, was enough to make me question things. Add in the fact my father told me I needed my mates, as in more than one, reinforced that.
The door shut and I felt my mate’s warmth behind me. He made no attempt to touch me, letting me know he was determined to have the conversation we had started. I sighed and brushed the hair out of my face as I turned to face him. It was time to get it all out in the open.
“Do I want Ronan even after everything he’s done? I wish I could say no, but I can’t. I think about him constantly and I know it’s more than just because our situation is unresolved. The need to be with him is crippling, Xan, and I hate it. I wish I didn’t feel it, but I do.”
Xan leaned against the back wall and looked down at the ground. I could see his cheeks move as he clenched his jaw in an attempt to hold in his anger.
“Honey, I know it’s unfair. I’ve felt it. I’ve seen it in the way you tense up whenever he gets mentioned or when you catch me quietly thinking. If the situation was reversed and you were the one with another mate, it would be excruciating, so I get it and I’m so sorry. I hate it, but I can’t change it and neither can you. I don’t know if it’ll ever be possible for me to have you both, but do I want it? Forgive me, but I do because I need you both, and not just because my father told me so in a dream. I don’t feel whole without both of you.”
My hand drifted to my chest as I felt the hole Irna described the day before. It was there and I hated it. I hated I needed someone else to make me feel complete.
I turned back around and grabbed the shampoo, flipping the lid open. Before I could pour the gel into my hand, the bottle was taken away from me and Xan was rubbing it into my hair. He handled me with such gentleness, even when he was angry. I knew he’d never hurt me and it killed me I was the one hurting him. Traitorous tears sprung to my eyes and I angrily closed my eyes to will them away. But I wasn’t crying for myself. I promised I would never do that again. I was crying for what I was doing to my mate. My dragon, my love. I was hurting him and there was nothing I could do about it.
Silently, he let me cry as he washed and conditioned my hair. When he was finished, he reached for the body wash and squeezed some of it into his hand. I cracked a smile when he rubbed his hands together before putting them on my body.
“I told you, Emi. Nothing will ever come between us. Even when we’re fighting.
