Thankfully, Carter seemed unaware of the crazy effect he was having on me. He hadn’t responded to my quip about being cold, so I added, “The temperature is dropping. I think we need to move. Find someplace we can stay tonight.”
Carter lifted his head to look around. “Yeah. You got any suggestions?”
“The city, I guess,” I shrugged. “Plenty of shelter there. I think we can make it there before it gets too dark.”
“I’m not sure I like this idea,” he grumbled, easing away from me so he could get his legs under him and stand. “But I guess we don’t have much of a choice.”
“Why don’t you like it?” I inquired, puzzled, rising also. I handed him the tunic I’d fetched for him, which he slipped over his head. I squelched a ridiculous pang of disappointment at seeing him fully clothed. “There’s nothing else around here, at least not that I saw, unless you want to try to make a shelter and sleep in the woods.”
“That might be safer,” he said shortly, stooping to gather up all the items I’d collected.
“Why? Why are you so dead set against the city?”
“Ellie, think. Something either wiped those people out or made them leave. What if it was a plague? A monster? Some type of nasty shifter neither of us has ever encountered? And I’ve run up against plenty,” he added grimly. “What if we’re walking into a death trap, blind and weaponless?”
“We’re not weaponless,” I reminded him, gesturing towards the sword he now held in his hand.
“Yeah, about that…” He stood, clasped the blade and turned it over, examining it. “I don’t know why anybody would give this to me. I have no idea how to use it. Swords aren’t exactly part of security detail anymore.”
“The sharp end goes into the bad guy,” I teased.
Carter glowered.
“Sorry. Just trying to lighten the mood.”
He didn’t appreciate it. “Some things aren’t worth joking about,” he said, turning away, towards the forest. “That way?”
“Listen to the king of snark telling me some things aren’t worth joking about,” I gibed. “Yes, it’s that way. And what’s gotten into you? You didn’t wake up in a very good mood.”
“What’s gotten into me?” He’d stalked off several paces in the general direction of the forest and city beyond, but at the inquiry swung around to face me. “I thought you were going to die, Ellie. They would have killed you. I willingly risked my life to save yours, thinking that was it. I was going to die, wake up in a dark void, and that would be it. I’d be gone. Life would be over. And I don’t want to hear any of your afterlife beliefs,” he inserted, waving away potential remarks. “I’m acquainted with the basic tenets of your faith. That’s not the point. The point is, I went into it all with my eyes wide open, thinking that was it, that I’d done what I needed to do to protect you. My purpose was fulfilled and you’d be safe.
“Then what happens? I wake up who-knows-where. You’re here with me, telling me this wild story about us going through a portal created by the Stones of Fire and my blood. We’re vulnerable. We’re basically helpless. And you’re still here, and I still have to protect you; only now I don’t have the resources to do it.”
“I don’t understand,” I murmured. My happiness had vanished. My stomach felt leaded, heavy. I wanted to cry. After everything we’d been through, this was the last reaction I expected. “Are you mad that you’re still stuck with me? You’d rather be dead than be stuck with me? You don’t have to keep on protecting me, you know. I can take care of myself. I’m not a child.”
To his credit, Carter didn’t make any jerk comments about my inability to defend myself. Give me a gun, and I could do a credible job. I’d proven that already. However, that was probably about as far as it went, and we both knew it. Instead, he stared at me almost incredulously, as if he was trying to follow my train of thought.
“What?” the word was almost an explosion of incredulity and frustration. “What are you talking about?”
“Never mind.” I turned away, upset. To go from being so excited to seeing him alive to this reaction was painful. After all, he wasn’t the only one who had sacrificed. I’d followed him through the portal.
“Ellie, stop.” I felt a hand on my shoulder, felt Carter take my arm, turn me around to face him. “You’re misunderstanding what I said. I’m not angry that you’re here and I have to take care of you. I’m thrilled you’re here. I know I don’t look it, but I’m ecstatic that you’re alive. My whole purpose of living is to make sure you’re safe. I love you. I think I proved that. I’m not upset you’re here. I’m upset with myself that now I have to keep you alive and I don’t have anything to do it with except this sword that I don’t know how to use. If we were back on Earth, instead of whatever forsaken place this is, I’d be able to figure it out. I don’t know if I can figure it out here. I don’t want to lose you again.”
It was as if scales fell from my eyes while he spoke. I was able to look past the brusqueness to see not anger but worry.
