Really, really, really wish I had some hiking boots right about now, I mourned, but there was nothing to be done for it. I could’ve gone back for my shoes, but the ridiculous heels would have sunk into the damp earth and caught on every vine and long twine of grass.
I was chilled and miserable. My feet were sliced and hurting. Even as I explored, I didn’t want to get too far from Carter in his condition, and certainly not so far that I couldn’t find my way back again. The only thing more frightening at the moment than not locating any help was being lost on my own out here. I don’t know how long I trudged and fought my way through the unyielding forest, seeing no signs of life besides forest life. Eventually, I broke back out of the trees, and was facing the strip of tough beach grass between the trees and the water’s edge. I couldn’t see Carter sprawled on the sand, since the fog hid him from view, but I assumed he was still there.
Shielding my eyes from the weak light that bounced and glowed off the drifting sheets of fog, I tried desperately to peer through the grey curtain. I saw absolutely nothing. My heart sank all the way to my battered feet.
We’re doomed. I should’ve let Nosizwe kill us. It would’ve been faster than dying of starvation and exposure to the elements.
Again, tears stung my eyes. For the life of me, I couldn’t force them away.
Why did You bring us here? I prayed, moisture clouding my vision as I stumbled back through the knee-high grass towards the dying Talos. I thought You’d always be with me. I don’t feel you here, but if You are here, please help me. Please help us. I’m at my wit’s end. I don’t know what to do or where to go. If there’s something or someone nearby who can help us, please open my eyes to see it. Right now, I’m blind. If I stay blind, Carter and I will both die. If we both die here, if we never get back to warn Mr. Costas, who knows what havoc those two women will wreak on Earth? We’ve got to survive. We’ve got to get back. Please help us…
By the time I staggered back onto the sand, where I could see my husband’s inert bronze form glistening even through the ribbons of fog, I was crying so hard I was having a hard time breathing. I felt like I’d felt the first time I met Carter and had been introduced to shapeshifters: overwhelmed, full of fear of the known and terror of the unknown. That night, I’d been mostly depending on Carter to get me out of those terrible situations alive. Now, not only could I not depend on him, he was depending on me to rescue us both.
The burden was too heavy to bear. I collapsed on the beach, far enough from Carter that, even if his subconscious could hear, he wouldn’t catch my sobs.
I don’t want to see him die, I told myself. I can’t watch that. I can’t.
However, my conscience wouldn’t allow me to sit and wallow in despair.
Really? it goaded. You’re going to sit here and cry while he dies alone because you don’t want to watch him die? What kind of a selfish brat are you? Would he do that to you?
I knew the answer to that.
“You’re right. I’m sorry,” I murmured aloud, to no one in particular. Maybe to Carter. Maybe to myself. Maybe to God. “I’m being weak and I’m being a coward. If I can’t do anything else, I can at least sit there with him until—”
The notion was too terrible to finish aloud.
I got back on my feet and made my way over to the sleeping Talos.
“Carter,” I said, lowering myself down next to him, placing a hand on his cold, motionless chest. “Carter, can you hear me? If you’re there, listen. I’m sorry. I’m sorry you had to sacrifice yourself for me. I’m sorry I forced you to come here. I thought it might save your life, but I think all I did was kill you a different way. I don’t know. I’m sorry it didn’t work, though. I’m sorry I can’t seem to find us the help we need. I’m sorry I don’t know what to do. I’m sorry I’m not stronger and braver and more resourceful. You deserve someone like that. I’m sorry you’re stuck with me, but I promise I won’t leave you again.”
Still no response. Not a twitch of the mouth or flicker of an eyelid. I put the back of my hand against his bronze lips and was able to detect the faintest flush of air. He was still there, hanging on by a thread.
Reassured that I wasn’t alone, yet, I folded my arms on his chest and hid my face in them, cradling my head against him.
If You’re there, please help us, I prayed again.
I don’t know if I fell asleep or passed into a trance. All I know was I felt a sudden touch to my shoulder, a touch that startled me awake like I’d been asleep. I sat up, looking around. I felt out of it, sort of like when I’d come out from under anesthesia after my surgery.
“Who’s there?” I said.
Or tried to say. My tongue felt thick. My mouth was dry. My other senses weren’t working so well, either. My hearing was dull, like someone had draped a blanket over my head, muffling sound. Furthermore, I kept seeing this bright, almost golden glare.
