His gaze narrowed. “Emily, I am getting the impression that you don’t want to marry me. First you try to hand me off to your sister and now—” He tried to keep the hurt out of his voice.
But she shook her head, her hands lightly massaging his chest. “How could I not?”
“How could you not what? Want me?”
She pressed to him again and some of the tension in him dissipated. “Of course, I do. You sweep in like some fictional hero and rescue me…not once, but twice. You give me romantic proposals in the garden, you kiss me until I forget—” She stopped, looking away. “But let’s be honest. You deserve better.”
He blinked several times as he pieced through everything she’d just said. Like lightning he realized that she was attempting to protect him.
The very idea stole his reason. Just like her family, she was willing to give up her own happiness for his.
It was everything he’d dreamed of and in this moment, he wanted her more than ever.
He swooped down then, taking her lips again. This kiss was not soft or sweet. It was a possession. If she thought she’d be rid of him, she was mistaken. Brandon had waited his entire life for someone like this, and he’d never let her go.
She kissed him back, melting into him until her arms had snaked about his neck, her lips melding to his.
He didn’t even realize they were moving backward until they backed into a wall, her back pushing against the stone. He wrapped his arm about her again, protecting her from the cold, hard stone even as the kiss deepened. Their hips melded together, their bodies pressed from top to bottom.
Finally, he pulled his mouth away. “Emily, there is no way I’ll let another man have you now. You belong to me.”
She gasped, the feel of it rippling through her and into him. “But I’m not—”
“I understand feeling less than. After what my father did, I’ve been convinced no matter what I do, it will never be enough. I’ve even worried that…” He didn’t finish. The last thing he needed to do was point out the ways he’d failed her.
“You feel that way too?”
“I do.” He brushed a strand of hair from her cheek. “But you are so much. We’ve got to work on your confidence and strength.”
She gave a nod and a small smile. “Is that why you defended me in the carriage?”
“It is,” he answered, brushing his lips against her forehead.
“Oh,” she breathed, her hands tightening about his neck. “How wonderful.”
“So we’re in agreement then. We’ll marry?”
She drew in a deep breath. “I’m sorry but I can’t agree. I’m still not certain that this is the best course of action.”
“Why?” he said.
“Because…” She shuddered. “How can you want me for a wife? Value me when I don’t even believe in myself?”
Brandon looked down at her, his jaw clenching.
He felt his father’s specter rising inside him. If he were a better person like Emily, he’d say…I want you to be happy. I want you to take all the time you need to decide and then learn to love yourself. To prove I am the man you need. But he didn’t say that. Instead, he said something far more self-serving. “I’ve already told the king himself we’re engaged. We can’t back out now.”
With a clarity that stole his breath, he saw all the ways he was like his father. He’d done what was best for himself without regard to the Carringtons from the first. Was that his father’s motivation behind his treacherous decisions?
A weight settled in his stomach. He’d taken the path for his own gain. Even now. He wanted Emily by his side so he’d chosen the words that would keep her there.
Her eyes widened. “Of course.” And then her chin dropped. It was a gesture he began to recognize, and inside he cursed himself a thousand times. Had his father been exactly like this when he’d betrayed his own country? He’d wanted something so badly that he’d risk the very people he loved the most to get it.
Was that what Brandon was doing? Risking Emily’s self-worth to keep her close? “Why are you uncertain about our match? About yourself?”
She shrugged then, her gaze casting off into the night. At least she wasn’t looking at the ground. “I suppose I always thought that I’d value myself when I could stand on my own. Someone is always propping me up. It’s difficult to see your own worth when you don’t feel successful.”
He winced inwardly, his eyes drifting closed for a moment. The truth rang like a bell. Her awareness was completely evident as was his self-indulgence. “Look into my eyes and see your worth.”
“I’m trying,” she answered.
“Emily.” He shook his head. “I meant what I said in the carriage. The love you give is so rare and precious. I…” He lost the words.
She nodded and Brandon reached for her hand, pulling them away from the wall and back into the crowded ballroom. The crush meant that it took forever to reach her family, but it also disguised her absence. Not that it mattered that much. They were engaged even if she’d yet to audibly accept.
He winced again.
He should ask once more and give her a real choice.
For Emily’s part, she’d gone quiet and much of the rosiness had left her cheeks.
They reached her family and leaning over to Bash, he spoke quietly in the man’s ear. “I don’t think Emily feels well.”
“Have you met your obligations here tonight?” Bash asked, giving him an easy smile. It was one Brandon had never seen on the man.
“I have.” Then he quirked a brow. “Enjoying yourself?”
“I am,” he answered. “All four Carrington sisters are married or engaged. I only have Avery left to contend with and months to come up with a plan. I can now sit back
