But on top of all of that, he felt a burning determination to do whatever it took to keep Kayla safe. He’d failed her. She’d almost been killed, and it was his fault. He’d caused this. Him, with his bad decisions and sketchy past. He’d pulled her into something she didn’t deserve. She was beautiful and pristine and he’d dragged her down into the filth of his life.
He took the elevator up to Lucian’s penthouse, not surprised to find him sitting in the living room waiting for him.
“Where is she?” Sebastian asked, a slight tremor to his voice. “I need to see her.” He didn’t deserve to even look at her, but he needed to get eyes on her. He wouldn’t be able to do anything else until he did.
“She’s sleeping in there,” said Lucian quietly, pointing in the direction of one of his guest rooms.
Not even bothering to take off his coat and boots, he crossed the space and carefully opened the door, the tight knot in his stomach loosening slightly at the sight of Kayla, her hair strewn over the pillow, her breathing slow and steady. He watched her for several moments, not wanting to take his eyes off of her. Knowing she’d been in danger while he was two hundred miles away made him want to fucking destroy something.
There wasn’t enough gratitude in the world for the fact that Willa had managed to text Max, and that Max and Lucian had just happened to be having dinner together at a restaurant not far from Willa and Kayla’s apartment.
She could’ve been murdered tonight. Because of him. Because of who he used to be.
Because of who he still was, deep down.
His jaw tight, he carefully closed the door to Kayla’s bedroom. As much as he wanted to hold her and tell her how fucking sorry he was, she needed to rest. And he wasn’t going to be able to do anything—sleep, eat, breathe—until he knew beyond a doubt that Kayla was safe for good.
He took off his coat and boots and then walked to the massive floor to ceiling windows, gazing out at the city. Even in the middle of the night, cars crawled through the streets and lights shone, illuminating the skyline. There were so many shadows. So many places for danger to lurk.
“She’ll be alright,” said Lucian quietly from behind him, laying a hand on his shoulder. “She’s tough.”
Sebastian grimaced, his throat tight with emotion. “She shouldn’t have to be tough. She shouldn’t have to deal with the fucking messes I made. I didn’t want any of this filth to touch her.”
“I thought I’d tracked down all of your debts,” Lucian said, his voice heavy with self-recrimination. “I never thought you were stupid enough to deal with Coldhurst.”
“I did a lot of really stupid, dangerous shit, Lucian.” Regret and shame sat like a boulder on his chest.
“Yes. You did.” He sighed. “If you needed money, why didn’t you just come to me? I could’ve helped.”
Sebastian shoved a hand through his hair, his entire body feeling as though it were made of lead. “Because I didn’t want you to know how bad it had gotten. You’d already taken my trust fund, already bailed me out with Fat Joey and the other loan sharks. I thought I could pay Coldhurst back. I was overdue for a big win, and when that happened, I’d be in the clear.”
“But you never paid him back, and then you left.”
“I thought I’d cleared everything up with him. I handed over my Piaget watch—the one you gave me for my thirtieth birthday—and thought we were square. I guess we weren’t.” His stomach was a hard rock and he had to force the next words out. “She could’ve died tonight because of me. Because of the things I—” He broke off, fighting back the anguished scream burning inside him.
Lucian turned to him. “But she didn’t. She’s safe, and I’ll fix this.”
Sebastian shook his head slowly. “No. I have to do it. I’ve spent so long running from responsibility, spent so long blaming everyone else for my problems. I have to be the one to fix this. To take responsibility for everything.” He sighed, scrubbing a hand over his face. He was past the point of exhaustion. “I’ll never be able to thank you enough for protecting her.”
Lucian squeezed his shoulder. “You’re my brother, and she’s your woman. No thanks needed. And if you think I’m letting you face Coldhurst alone, you’re batshit.”
“Bastian.” Kayla’s voice was a soft rasp from several feet behind him and he spun, his heart pounding against his ribs. She stood in the entrance to the hallway that led to her bedroom, her hair sleep-tousled. She appeared to be wearing a plain black T-shirt of Lucian’s and nothing else.
“Kayla,” he ground out, crossing the distance between them in several long strides. She met him halfway, practically vaulting into his arms. He picked her up, her legs winding around his waist, and he held her tightly against him. His skin felt tight, his pulse racing. Everything inside him hurt.
She buried her face in his neck and let out a sob, her body shaking against his. “I was so scared,” she whispered. “For me and for you. For Willa. I thought I was going to die. I thought they were going to kill me and Willa and then come after you.” The last word came out broken, crumbling around the edges as she fought through the sobs wracking her body, making her tremble against him.
He felt dizzy with the pain of everything she’d been through. It fucking hurt to see her like this, but he deserved the pain. All of it. He stroked a hand over her hair, holding her tight.
“I’m so sorry, baby. Fuck, Kayla, I’m so sorry.”
“Not…your…fault,” she managed between sobs, clinging to him. His chest felt so tight he could barely breathe. Could barely think beyond the emotions storming through him. Everything inside him was a giant
