I held my breath, hoping that with one sentence, I hadn’t totally fucked up my future with her.
35
finley
There wasn’t anything sexier than seeing Shepard stand there, guitar in hand, bare feet, wearing well-worn jeans that were faded and frayed in spots from use and not because they were bought that way. The steel-gray shirt was in the same shape but fit his style.
His repentant look almost made me crack, but I had things to say.
“I thought we just talked about your situation and how you can’t push me away because of it.”
If I’d guessed he’d sport a sheepish expression, I was wrong. There was more than a little determination in the set of his chin.
“I love you too much to let you go down with this ship,” he said.
I stepped forward close enough to smell the faint soapy scent on his skin because I wanted him not to miss a single word.
“I’m captain of my own ship, and if I want to go down with yours, I will.”
He shifted his guitar so that it hung from the strap across his back.
“You can’t expect me to watch you ruin your life.”
I pressed my splayed fingers on his chest and shoved a little. Damn him for being so solid, he didn’t budge. However, I’d made my point.
“The key word is my life. And if you and I are together, we’re in it for all the good and all the bad.”
He caught my hand and brought it to his heart after kissing it.
“I have loved you almost half my life. And I watched you like a brother because it was what was best for you. I can and will do it again if necessary.”
I snatched my hand away. “You aren’t my brother. And I’m tired of every man around me deciding what’s best for me.” I took a breath. “Though I appreciate your gallantry, I don’t need a knight. I need a king.” When his brow lifted with the curl of his mouth, I amended my statement. “A king’s consort.”
“Consort?” he asked, trying to maintain a straight face.
Damn him, I found myself smiling though I was serious.
“Yes, consort. I’m not bowing down to anyone. I need someone to stand beside me with not more power but equal.”
“Or less?” he teased, because a consort wasn’t exactly on equal footing.
I got serious because this was important to me even though it would be hard to walk away.
“If you can’t let me stand with you, you should walk away now, Shepard.”
Then as hard as it was, I forced myself to turn away. I didn’t take more than two steps when he spun me around, and my back hit the wall. His fingers tangled in my hair before his lips crashed to mine.
Victory tasted sweet on his tongue. I had no idea where Cooper was, but Shepard didn’t seem to care. He lifted me off my feet, my back gliding up the wall. I was breathless when he moved me from the hall wall across to his room, kicking the door shut with his feet.
Once he let me down, I took charge. It was me shoving him to the bed after he took his guitar off. I freed him from his pants and straddled him, sinking down and riding us both home. He’d gripped me so tight as I held his gaze, using him to get off. There was something to be said for make-up sex.
The next morning, I drew circles on his chest as I dreamed up a plan to confront Lacey. I wouldn’t be able to keep my promise because there was no way I’d let him go down for her lies.
“Morning,” he said.
“You know, you should play at an open mic.”
He frowned down at me. “Where did that come from?”
“My dad’s wrong. I mean, if you want to be a music teacher, that’s great. But if you want more, you’re that good, and the world should hear you.”
“What if he’s right? Do you know how hard it is to get a music contract?”
“Probably as hard as it is for a girl to play on a college football team.”
“Point taken.”
“Besides, you can put yourself out there on YouTube. So many people have become famous just doing that.”
A part of me feared what would happen if he did make it big. Shepard was gorgeous. Add to that his talent, and women from the covers of magazines would throw themselves at him. I couldn’t compete with that.
But who would I be if I let my fear hold him back? I wouldn’t be me. I loved him so much, I would cheer him on to reach his full potential no matter the cost to me.
After forcing ourselves out of bed to get breakfast downstairs, I’d excused myself to dig up anything I could on Lonnie. The articles on him were few, kind of like they were for Shepard. As bad as Lacey’s bite was, I assumed there would be a bigger splash about her accusations in the press.
It took a while, but I eventually found out where he grew up. There was a lot of local news about him. He’d been a big deal on his high school football team. From there, I was able to trace an online phone book to locate a phone number and address.
I ran into Shepard’s room, surprising him.
“You look happy. Did you find a project for your class?” he asked.
I hadn’t, but this was more exciting news to share. “No, I found Lonnie.”
With my phone open, I began to dial the number listed for Lonnie. He covered my hand to stop me.
“You’re just going to call him?”
I didn’t answer because I’d already hit call. The phone rang over the speaker.
“Hello,” a male voice said.
I glanced at Shepard but took the lead. “Hi, I’m looking for Lonnie.”
“Who is this?” he sounded suspicious.
“My name is Beatrice.” I wasn’t lying. I had used my first name
