"The first Goblin King and the Demon Lord." He licked his lips as he answered my question. "That is who they were supposed to be.
"The Goblin King went on to unite all the Goblin tribes after his parents death. He created a place all Goblins could return to. A place in Hell. Their home. Our home."
"But you’ve never been there," I pointed out the obvious. "How can it be your home, if you’ve never lived there?"
"True, I’ve never been to Hell. Nor have my parents. But when I first heard the story— the original story— I felt a sense of longing as a child. Whenever I saw the Inferna at the edge of the night’s sky, I would dream of following it. Running to the horizon, and swimming across the oceans. Not by myself, but with all the other Goblins in the world. Just like how it brought the first Goblin King back to his home, it would bring our people home. And even now, when I see the South Star, I sometimes still imagine what that would be like."
"But you said the star didn’t bring him home. It brought him despair!" I frowned.
"Perhaps it did. But only at first. The star led him to the Demon Lord, who eventually brought him back home. So in the end, it was by following Inferna that he found himself back home."
That felt… wrong. No, not wrong. It was... naive? Yes, that's what it was. Because it was a kid’s reasoning.
And Karna knew it too. He gave me a half shrug.
"I don’t know if I’ll ever even see Hell. Let alone every single Goblin out there. But maybe, if I could just make Goblin’s less hated, and be more… accepted, so that the Goblins who are born outside of— or leave— Sharan aren’t mistreated, then I’ll be happy."
"And that’s why you became a Dark Crusader?"
"Yes," he said without any hesitation. "Because only the Dark Crusaders can do that. They’re the only ones powerful enough, who are fighting to change the world. The only ones since the Shadow’s Evangelium who are strong and use that strength to fight for us. Because if we win, then we’ll be the ones deciding who is right, and who is wrong."
He finally finished.
It seemed counter intuitive, but only at first; the whole thought process was predicated on their victory. And while it was easy to say ‘what if you lose?’ to disparage that idea, wasn’t the whole point of fighting to win?
So I smiled.
"Thank you," I said.
"For what?" Karna frowned. Then he shifted on his feet. "I… should be the one thanking you. You helped me. I don’t know what you did, but I feel a lot better now."
"You helped me too. By telling me that."
"The story?"
"No. Everything."
"I do not understand." The Goblin was bewildered. And this time, I laughed.
"It’s fine. You won’t understand."
I let go of his hands and took a step back.
"Hey," I said cheerfully as I stood up. "Since I listened to you, you’ll have to return the favor."
"Sure…?"
"Don’t worry," I said reassuringly. "It’s just a song. It’s one of my favorites. I listened to it first when I was a child. It’s also about… dreams."
"Dreams?" Karna cocked his head.
"Mhm. Don’t worry about it. It’s complicated." I took a deep breath, and quickly added "Also, don’t mind my singing. I used to practice as a child— well, I’m still a child. But I haven’t sung in a while. So it might not be so good."
He nodded stiffly, as I opened my mouth to sing.
Karna told me a story about— it was not about himself, yet it told me many things about him as a person. And in that same vein, singing— music— carried a meaning with it. It could convey the thoughts of the musician even without words.
So even though it was a song Karna never heard before— even though it was not one he understood the words of— he was still fascinated by it. To him, it was something out of this world. And it was.
But to me, the words came out weird and awkward. I pronounced the words incorrectly, and overemphasized the wrong syllables. It was a song from my childhood. My world.
A song in English.
"[Somewhere over the rainbow, way up high, there's a land that I heard of once in a lullaby~]"
When I first came into this world, I thought this was a dream. I thought that one day, I would wake up, and find myself back on Earth— back on my bed, having made all of this up in my head.
I held out hope for so long. I imagined mom’s reaction when I told her I had another mother, and thought about the jokes dad would likely make.
But that day never came.
As time went on, I rejected more and more of this world. I spent a decade living here, but only embraced my mother..
And while she taught me to love again, even when I hated everything, I still dreamt of leaving everything behind. Only this time, to leave with her by my side.
I wanted to be always next to my mother, apart from the world around us.
This is not Wonderland.
There is no yellow brick road to follow.
There is no wardrobe to turn back to.
This was my life now. There was no denying it. And there was no escaping it. I had tried numerous times, and I failed each and every single time.
I was the daughter of a criminal.
I was a slave.
And now, I was a... terrorist?
Or maybe not. Maybe it was justice. Maybe it would help an entire species of people.
...or maybe it would help those around me. And that should have been enough, right?
