“What about if I say no? Would anything happen to you, physically?”
She asked. Verakko inwardly groaned. Lily was strong and wouldn’t be pushed into anything easily, but one of her weaknesses was her compassion. If he told her about what would happen to him if she chose to deny their bond, she’d feel pressure to remain with him whether she wanted him or not. But he’d agreed to tell her everything. The good and the bad. “I’d rather not say.”
She titled her head at him and crossed her arms, waiting.
“I don’t know how severe the effects would be, but all accounts of Clecanians being separated from their mates seem to indicate varying levels of illness over time.”
Lily’s shoulders fell, and her brows drew together. She stared up at him, worry clear in her eyes. If the situation was different, that look would’ve melted every bone in his body. Concern for her mate shining in her eyes. He never would’ve dreamed he’d see it.
“You’d get sick?” she whispered, searching his gaze. “How long would it take? Are you feeling sick now?” Her gaze roamed over his body again, more slowly this time.
“No, I’m fine. I’m with you now. Separation for extended periods of time is what would affect me. It isn’t the same for all Clecanians, but I’d grow incrementally weaker. Be more prone to illness. From the accounts I’ve heard, my mental state would suffer more than anything else. Depression. Fits of rage. But, again, this has never happened before. The mating bond has always been reciprocated equally. There was never a question of whether two people would be together. I do know that the longer we remain together, the worse it’d be if we were separated. It could be that if you decided you didn’t want to be with me, I wouldn’t feel as many effects. We haven’t been together long. I’ve only had my marks for a day, after all.” Verakko shushed the voice in his head screaming that what he said was a lie. It wasn’t. He didn’t know what would happen if she left him. He only knew that every fiber of him revolted against the notion, but he couldn’t say one way or the other what being away from her would do.
Lily’s eyes watered, and she hid her face from him. All he wanted to do was touch her, but he didn’t know whether it would do more harm than good, so he stood there with muscles clenched, waiting for her to say something, anything.
When she finally faced him, he saw the evidence of wetness around her eyes. “What if in a year I choose to leave this planet? What if the laws change and I can go back to Earth? You want to be with me, forever? Monogamously?”
For every second of every day I’m alive. He took a step toward her and tried to work out what he should say. She was already so wary of him and skittish of relationships in general. Would she want to hear the truth? “I’d follow you anywhere, mivassi. If your face is the only one I see for the rest of my life, I’ll die a happy male.”
Her chin trembled, and she sniffed. “What happens if you break your contract but don’t reveal your marks?”
“Eventually, once I do reveal them, we’d be allowed to be together as mates, but otherwise I’d never be allowed to get married again. And I’d be sent away. For years. Unless the laws change, you’d be forced to marry once per year while I’m away.”
His throat tightened. To not see her for years? To know she’d be forced to marry at least two other males and be powerless to do anything about it? What if he returned to find her smitten with someone else? Or worse…gone. She’d pointed out something to him he hadn’t yet considered. Lily wasn’t required to remain on Clecania after her year was over. Would she leave? “If that’s what you need, I’ll do it.”
Her features softened. She crossed her arms around her waist. “You’d do that for me? Even though you could force me to be with you by revealing your marks?”
Verakko let out a rough bark of laughter. “It’s not like I haven’t thought about it. I have arguments with myself every few minutes about doing just that. It’s unnatural for me to hold back. It’s not what’s supposed to happen. Mates have always felt the pull equally. There is no doubt.” He closed the distance between them, relieved she didn’t step away, and rested his hands on her upper arms. “Every part of me knows you’re mine. But I want all of you, and I know that if I force you into it, a part of you will always resent me.”
“And if I agree to be with you, there’s no going back? Even if we become unhappy?”
“Never,” he said truthfully. “I’m barely holding myself back from you even now. If you tell me you’ll be mine, that’ll be it for me. I’ll never be able to let you go. But I will do everything in my power to make sure you never become unhappy.”
“And I only have two weeks to decide,” she whispered to herself.
“I’m set to be married in two weeks, but it’d be best if we didn’t live together after my mother announces your existence to the city. If I saw other males trying to court you, I…” Verakko let his hands drop, worried he’d accidentally squeeze her too tight at the thought. “It’d be better for everyone if I wasn’t there to see it.”
Lily stared at the ground and nodded silently. Her brows were drawn, and she nibbled her lip, the way she always did whenever she was thinking hard about something, but there was such miserable conflict on her face as well. He lifted her chin until she
