Website: http://www.shonasnowden.com/Shona_Snowden/Welcome.html
TRANSCENDING
Because humor lurks even in our darkest hours
When a newly bio-engineered weapon in the wars on drugs and terror gets out of control, can the supplier really be held responsible?
A THORNY DILEMMA
by Rory Steves
“It wasn’t our fault,” I explained. “Not really.”
The tribunal was silent.
“At Bio*Verdant, we engineer seeds for agricultural use; in fact, our products have revolutionized the industry.”
Silence.
“We’ve produced tomatoes and peppers that grow in Alaska. A fescue hybrid that’s helping reclaim the sub-Sahara savanna. Even most of the bio-fuels come from the saw grass and soybeans we developed.”
Not so much as a nod from our judges.
“Putting us on trial for crimes against humanity — it isn’t right or just. We only produced the seeds.”
One of the tribunal coughed, quite rudely.
“It’s the DEA and the military who should shoulder the blame.”
~~~
The problem really started when a senior DEA agent and an air force general showed up at the Bio*Verdant research facility.
First, they wanted the red-carpet tour of our facility, which we gave them. We’re not crazy; what the government wants, the government gets.
Then they wanted a complete rundown on what we did and how we did it.
We gave them the abridged version. They huddled together in a mini-conference, talking in hushed tones.
We tried hard not to laugh; we could hear every word.
“We need you,” the DEA agent told us, “to create a poppy whose pollen will sterilize opium-producing varieties.”
“We plan to drop the seed from Stealth bombers,” the air force general informed us.
“We need the same solution for coca and marijuana plants as well,” the DEA guy continued. “We want to wipe out the drug problem once and for all.”
“We also need,” the general said, “a fast-growing vine that can be dropped from our bombers that will act like barbed wire to entangle enemy infantry.”
“While we respect your intentions,” I said, “that isn’t the kind of work we do here at Bio*Verdant. We develop crop seed for farmers around the world. We don’t do any pollen-antagonist work here or military applications.”
Then Nelson, our resident nut case, had to open his big, dumb mouth.
“We could weaponize kudzu,” he told our guests. “We can’t neutralize the drug-producing plants, but we could overwhelm them with a competitive, even aggressive, vine.”
“Kudzu?” the general asked. “Isn’t that the stuff they planted along rivers in the south? The stuff that is slowly,” he emphasized the slowly, “slowly taking over the local vegetation?”
He seemed less than impressed.
Had it ended there, where it should have, life would now be much simpler for us.
But Nelson didn’t seem to possess the “shut-up” gene.
“The city of Atlanta employs a crew of twenty-five people whose only job is combating the kudzu that would otherwise, eventually, engulf the city,” Nelson told them. “The kudzu vine grows at a rate of up to a foot per week. Its roots grow up to seventeen feet deep.”
He paused for effect. “Speeding up the growth rate is child’s play.”
“But will it grow in the different climates we need to control?” the DEA guy asked.
“Gentlemen,” I cut in, “we specialize in manipulating the climate needs of crops around the world. Producing different strains of kudzu is doable — but expensive.” Hey, I wasn’t changing sides, but these guys not only had deep pockets but a noble cause. My conscience agreed with the idea of being involved with the destruction of the drug trade.
“How long?” DEA asked.
“Eighteen to twenty-four months,” I replied. “We’ll need to follow fail-safe protocols, and double-check to be sure we deliver a safe product.”
“Fail-safe?”
“We need to check for climate tolerance, reproductive purity, lifespan and a long list of biological markers. Plus, it seems, an enhanced tolerance for being dropped from bombers.”
“How about the barbed wire?” the general asked.
“Challenging but possible,” I said.
“How much?” DEA asked.
I nodded over to Silvia, our chief accountant and office manager.
She nodded back and spent a few minutes with her ever-present calculator, her fingers a blur.
Finished, she showed the total to the DEA agent and the general.
“Agreed,” said the DEA agent. “Have it ready for deployment in six months and we double the amount.”
“Agreed,” Silvia and I said in unison. I knew full well Silvia would have padded the numbers to give us room to negotiate; now the inflated amount would be doubled.
Deep pockets hardly described it.
~~~
Thankfully, it was the start of our slow season, so most of us could devote all of our time to the project.
We grafted DNA from dune grass to extend the kudzu’s normal deep-root system to twenty to thirty feet deep.
Shrub roses and Hawthorne trees provided the DNA for a wicked set of thorns.
The humble dandelion gave us an efficient seed distribution system. Plus regenerative roots.
All we had to do for the barbed wire variant was to punch the growth rate sky high.
Encouraging growth in various climates required nothing more than the same techniques we had mastered years ago.
~~~
Our first test crop was a dismal failure. The kudzu seeds took too long to germinate, and the seedlings grew faster than the roots could provide nourishment.
Both problems proved remarkably easy to fix.
~~~
“Big seeds,” the DEA guy commented as he hefted a handful of the golf ball-sized seed packs. “Heavy, too.”
“Our first batch had germination problems,” I told him as forklifts loaded bags of seed into trucks for delivery to the general’s bombers. “We solved the problem by first making the seeds larger. This provided more nourishment to the seedlings. Then we pre-germinated the seed and packaged it in a water-soluble fertilizer sphere.”
The agent quickly dropped the seeds back into the sample bucket.
“These are the seeds for the central Asian poppy fields. They are engineered for the dry, mountainous regions where the opium poppy is cultivated. The seeds for the central American cocaine and marijuana will be ready by week’s end.”
“Very good,” he said, handing Silvia a check. “Good doing business with you; we’ll be in touch.”
“How about the barbed wire?” the general
