“Maybe if you knew you wouldn’t be so unhappy.”
She frowned down at her coffee, at the swirly patterns in the creamy film on top. She took a sip, washing down the offending muffin. “I’m not unhappy. I’m just a really private person. I always have been.”
“Private? Or lonely?”
“I don’t trust people. I don’t trust—look—I mean—”
“You’re an unhappy person.”
She scowled at him. “Simplify much? You don’t understand me because you aren’t like me.”
“Then explain to me. How can I help?”
“I don’t want your help. You helped me quite enough. Anyway, why do you care?”
“Why do you think I care?” His gaze captured hers. That traitorous part of her twisted and flailed to be heard. She pressed her legs together.
“I really don’t know and I don’t want to know.”
He lowered his voice and leaned closer across the table.
“Kat, have you ever heard of something called Dominance and submission?”
Had she ever heard of it? Ever since their interlude the week before, she’d browsed every D/s site she could find. Not that she would admit it to him. She shrugged, pretending nonchalance. “I know a little about it. A few things.”
“What do you know about it?”
“I know you’re into it. That it’s like…spanking…bondage…leather…that kind of stuff.”
“Sure, that’s part of it, but it’s a whole lot more complicated than that.”
“Like how complicated?”
“Sometimes extremely complicated and sometimes not very complicated at all. It depends. When things fall into place between people it can be very simple. If people want complementary things from each other it works like a dream.”
“How do you know? You’ve done it, I guess?”
“Yes. Had some good relationships and some bad. But I’ve never felt for any sub the way I feel for you.”
“I’m not a sub,” she said at once, thinking about the women on the kink sites, trussed and gagged. “I’m not into that weirdo stuff.”
“I think you are. You want to be controlled, taken care of. And I’d like to do the controlling. You need someone to settle you down, to make you feel safe. You want someone to tell you what to do, someone who knows what’s best for you. You want someone to sweep you up and hold you tight.”
How did he know that? He was so completely right but she was still shaking her head in denial, unwilling to accept that her longtime romantic desires translated, somehow, into submission to a man.
“Listen, I know it’s new and different to you,” he went on, his face a picture of empathy. “I know it’s hard to accept at first. You think it will make you weak and helpless when you submit to me.”
“It does make me feel weak and helpless. It did!”
He held up a hand and admonished her quietly. “Remember, I asked you to think first, not just to react. Just think about what I’m saying.”
“Okay,” she muttered. “Explain to me the specifics of how it will benefit me to become your slave.”
“Slave? I never said anything about you being a slave.”
“I thought that’s what it was all about. On those websites—” She stopped, blushing.
He grinned at her. “Been cruising websites? Which ones?”
She named a few of the bigger ones and his smile widened.
“Listen, most of those sites are over the top. They’re porn. Fantasy. I want a sub, not a slave. I’m not going to keep you collared and chained to the bed. You’ll live your own life as you always have. But you’ll also have me. More of what you had in the storage room. I don’t think that would be a really great hardship for you.”
She blushed scarlet, looking down at her hands. The conversation had left her speechless. She choked down another bite of the English muffin, chasing it with another deep swig of coffee.
“There’s nothing wrong with liking it, Kat. With wanting it.”
She shook her head. She didn’t like it. She didn’t want it… Did she?
She did. Why did she want it? What was she going to do now that he was offering it to her?
“I’m not sure about this,” she said finally. “I’m just not sure. I’m not even that good in bed.”
He laughed. “Let me be the judge of that. Anyway, it’s not just about the bedroom. Sex. Fucking. I mean, that’s a big part of it but not the whole thing. Anyway, whatever I want from you, I’ll teach you. I’ll train you to be exactly what I want.”
I’ll train you. She could barely draw breath. The very idea of it was enough to make her almost orgasm where she sat. But what if he wanted really sick stuff from her? Some of the photos she’d seen on the S&M websites left her more disturbed than aroused.
“What you are you thinking?” he asked.
She shrugged. “I just don’t know what you’ll expect of me. If it will be too much, if I’ll want to do what you ask me or if…”
“If it will be too weird?”
“Yes.”
“Well, what would be too weird for you?”
“I don’t know,” she said, sounding as conflicted as she felt. “I don’t know too much about it. I didn’t like some of what I saw.”
“On those websites? I don’t want you on those anymore, do you understand? Tell me what you saw that so upset you.”
“I don’t know… People hurting people… Burning them with wax, cutting them… Sticking them with needles. Fucking them up with all this hardware.”
“Jesus, Kat,” he said with a smile. “Going right for the hard-core. Leave it to you. What else?”
“I don’t want to be made to look ugly, put in masks or gags or… You know… Have to get weird piercings or be… Marked. Scarred.” She shuddered. “How hard will you hit me. Will you ever…?” She couldn’t finish the thought.
“Oh, Kat,” he said with a sigh. “I wish you hadn’t gone to
