Every time he visited her from some distant location, her delight was tempered by knowing he’d be leaving again. She knew what time his plane was departing before the plane bringing him to her had landed. The goodbyes had gotten more and more difficult for her.
And here she was now…
Knowing the next goodbye was inevitable was becoming unbearable.
The tears she tried so hard to hold back started rolling down her cheeks. She bit down on her lower lip. She couldn’t do it. There was no other way, no matter how happy they were at this moment.
This wasn’t working. She had to let David go.
It was time to say goodbye.
She couldn’t imagine life without him. But after a week full of passion and closeness, a few minutes on FaceTime would never again be enough. She’d break his heart, and hers along with his, but there was no other way.
“Stella, what’s going on? Why are you crying, love?” He sat down on a bench overlooking the English Channel and pulled her with him.
The sun smiled down from a deep blue sky and only a handful of clouds were visible on the horizon.
But appearances were deceptive. Deep inside her, a storm was brewing. She hid her face in her hands and sobbed.
“Baby, what’s the matter?” His mouth was close to her ear.
Stella looked at him through a veil of tears. She couldn’t say a word.
“You’re scaring me. Talk to me! Please.” Panic replaced confusion on his face, and it killed her to see him in such pain.
Is this how he felt last year? Is this what he was going through when he wrote his letter? Did he hate himself as much as I’m hating myself right now? Did he feel as helpless as I do?
“David, I don’t know how to say this.” She took a deep breath. “What we have is so special to me. But I can’t…”
“No!” he cried. He didn’t let her finish, wrapping his arms around her and stifling her words with a branding kiss. It was rough and left no doubt about his sincerity. “Don’t even think about it!”
“What do you mean?” she asked while wiping her tears away. “You don’t know what I was going to say.”
“Oh, yes, I do. Because I recognize the look on your face. I know uncertainty when I see it. You’re struggling with your emotions, and you’re afraid. Don’t let your doubts win. Your head is misleading you. You think you can lessen the pain if you inflict it yourself. But it hurts as much, if not more—believe me. Listen to your heart. Don’t make the same mistake I made.”
Deep inside, she knew he was right. And she knew she loved him more than anything in this world. So why had her fears reared their ugly heads now? Was this the culmination of the events in Paris and this week? Did she have more insecurities than she realized? Stella’s mind was spinning.
She got up and walked a few steps back and forth, trying to take a few deep breaths to ground herself. It didn’t work. Her tears began to roll down her face again, and this time she didn’t stop them. Maybe they’d cleanse her from the inside out.
She turned to face him. “But how are we going to make this work? We didn’t manage it the first time. What if the same thing happens again? I can’t go through it another time.”
“Listen to me, love. I want to tell you something. This week…” He took her hand and guided her onto the bench again, then wiped away her tears.
“This week was wonderful. It was beyond amazing,” she said and tried to smile at him, but it didn’t reach her eyes and her lips trembled.
Then she continued in a shaky voice, “But I want more than only a few scattered days. Maybe I’m selfish, but I want you all the time, David. I’m an ordinary girl hoping to live the old-fashioned American dream.” She wrapped her arms around her middle. “And I want to have your babies…”
There, she said it. She confessed one of her most secret wishes.
He untangled her arms and took her hands in his. “Baby, you didn’t let me finish. What I was going to say is, this week showed me that I can’t continue this life on the road. I want what you want. With you! I want the white picket fence and children. A dog and a minivan.” He chuckled. “Well, maybe I’ll draw the line at the minivan.”
He reached into the pocket of his jacket and pulled out a slim velvet box.
“I had this made before you arrived in London.” He showed the open box to her. “I call it the Little Dipper pendant. Each diamond represents one of the seven stars in the constellation. You’ve been my North Star since we met, and you always will be. Please, Stella, believe in us. Don’t give up on us.”
He pulled the delicate white-gold chain out and presented it to her. “Will you wear it and think of me?”
“But…what…” she stammered.
“It’s a promise to you, my love. I’ll fulfill my obligations here and in Paris in the spring. But trust me. When I meet with Aaron in November, we will come up with a strategy for my future career path without all this traveling. Right now I don’t know what comes next, but I want you to be part of it—if you want to be with me.”
His eyes begged her not to turn him down and his mouth quivered. “We’ll find a way to make this work together.”
A middle-aged couple passed them, and the man asked, “What did she say, son?”
Without taking his eyes off Stella he replied, “Nothing yet.”
“I love it. Thank you so much.” She cried and laughed at the same time. A weight fell off her shoulders. She believed him.
After watching the couple walk away, she looked back at David and said, “I lost you once. I’m not losing you
