“Nothing’s going on, Anna.” Ashley laughed nervously.
For all the confidence she seemed to ooze, I never thought she knew how to laugh nervously. It was strange and made the horrible feeling I had even worse.
“Then why did you drag me away like that?”
“Uh, well . . . I just thought . . . I told you. We should talk more,” Kyle stammered.
“Let’s do it later, then. I need to put my books away.”
I walked around both of them.
I could still feel the stares, and I heard footsteps behind me. I looked over my shoulder and saw Kyle and Ashley trailing behind me, both of them looking dejected and still really nervous and uptight. Whispers were bouncing off the walls of the eerily quiet hallway as I walked, and I ran a trembling hand through my hair.
I stopped in front of my locker and gasped. Cow was written in black marker across the top. Heifer was written vertically underneath it. Pig was written next to heifer. And in the middle was a computer-generated picture of a cow’s body with my head attached to it. I placed one hand on my throat, gently dragging my fingernails down as if that would help me breathe.
“Anna,” I heard Kyle say from behind me.
I held up a hand, my eyes still glued to the scene in front of me.
I should have seen this coming. It was the next logical step. It actually wasn’t as bad as some of the stuff they could have done, but it was still a shock to see it written so boldly.
I ran my hand down the front of my blue sweater and did the same with my other. I pulled on the bottom of my shirt, trying to make it longer somehow, even though it already hit mid-thigh. Anything that would hide the small roll that showed through the fabric. In all honestly, I wanted to pull the shirt over my head entirely, but pulling it over my head would leave me vulnerable to unseen attacks. I’d be exposing more of my body, and they would be able to see it.
Ashley placed her hand on my arm. “Anna.”
I flinched away from her, briefly wondering if she was in on it. She was one of them; she could’ve known all about it. Kyle too. Maybe they were both in on it; maybe the person who had done it had just finished, and they needed to buy a little time.
I didn’t know what to do. I felt as though I couldn’t do anything but stand there and stare at it. It didn’t seem real. Why would someone do this? Why did they do any of the things they’d ever done to me in the past?
“Because you’re a cow,” I whispered, answering myself.
“Anna, don’t believe—” Kyle said.
“Don’t,” I whispered and turned around. “Just . . . don’t.”
I walked between Kyle and Ashley with my head down. The blood rushed in my ears and tears filled my eyes as I walked down the hallway, roughly shoving through the double doors and back into the parking lot.
I didn’t care if I missed school. I didn’t care about anything except for getting out of there. I couldn’t stand to be in that place for one more minute, and the last thing I wanted to do was go through an entire day with them.
“Anna?”
I heard his voice but kept walking, my head still down as I stared hard at the pavement. I didn’t want to be around anyone right now or risk damaging any progress Evan and I might have made last night. If there were even a small fraction of a chance that Evan and I could be friends, then this would definitely not be the time to talk to him.
I was quick to get back into my car and shove the keys into the ignition. Staring straight ahead, I pulled out of my space and drove toward out of the parking lot, blinking and sniffling the entire way. After making it home in record time, I jumped out of the car, dashed into the house and up the stairs, collapsed onto my bed, and buried my face in my pillow.
The tears started, the sobs came, and I wrapped my arms around myself in a sad attempt to keep myself together.
I shouldn’t have walked out. I should’ve stayed and dealt with it. Running away didn’t prove anything and probably only made them all happy that they’d gotten to me.
I didn’t understand what I’d done this time. The only thing I’d done differently was talk to Evan, and that was mostly because I had to. He’d done the rest and had seemed to truly want a chance to get to know me. Why had I been cut down for what he’d wanted in the first place?
I sniffled and wiped my cheeks, staring at the wall of my bedroom and curling into the fetal position on my bed.
I didn’t know what time it was. I didn’t know how long I’d been up in my room. School could’ve been over for hours now, and I wouldn’t have known the difference. Hell, it could’ve been early Saturday morning, and I wouldn’t have realized. The dark sky outside my window told me it was nighttime.
I sighed heavily when I heard footsteps outside my bedroom door and sucked in a shaky breath, once again wiping off the tears from my cheeks with the sleeve of my shirt. There was a knock on the door but I didn’t move, figuring my dad had gotten home and wanted to know why I hadn’t bothered to come down or fix dinner for us.
I squeezed my eyes shut, pretending to be asleep and hoping that he would just go away when I heard the door open. A few seconds later, I heard it close again, and I
