“Everything is different now, and I wouldn’t want that to change. You are worth it to me.”
I rested my hands over his. “All right.”
“Your hand okay?”
I held up my hand and flexed my fingers for him. He laughed and grabbed it, pulling my palm to his lips.
“So,” he began, lowering my hand to his lap again, “I have free rein to kiss you now, right?”
Stay cool, stay cool, stay cool.
“If you’d like to, yes.”
“You’ve been kissed before, right?”
“I was not a complete shut-in.”
“I just wanted to make sure.” He held up his hand. “I could’ve made it all fancy if you hadn’t.”
“Oh yeah? How?”
“I could’ve brought you flowers or done something really cheesy like walking you up to your front door after a date and being all awkward there.”
“You won’t be all awkward now?”
“Maybe a little.” He chuckled and slowly leaned forward. I glanced at his mouth and licked my lips.
“You going to kiss me now?”
“Mm-hm.” He smiled at me. “Is that okay?”
“I suppose so.”
“Don’t sound so excited.”
“Would you like me to jump up and down?” I said, his nose brushing against mine.
Aside from wanting him to finally kiss me, jumping up and down was exactly what I felt like doing, to be perfectly honest.
“A little fanfare would be nice, yes.”
I laughed and placed my hands on his cheeks.
“Just kiss me already, will you?”
“If you insist,” he whispered as he tilted his head and pressed his lips against mine.
I closed my eyes as he gently sucked my top lip into his mouth. His lips were so soft, and they felt so much better against mine than I thought they ever would. He placed his hands on each side of my neck, his fingers tangling in my hair as he ran his thumbs up and down my throat. Small fireworks went off behind my eyes, and I couldn’t fight my smile. I trailed my hands from his cheeks down to his chest, fisting my hands in his shirt as he pressed his lips more forcefully against mine. I scraped my teeth along his bottom lip, my heart picking up speed when a breathy moan vibrated against my lips. I was doing that to him—he did that because of the things that I did. I wanted to get up and start dancing around, chanting, “I’m kissing Evan, I’m kissing Evan!” but the actual act was a whole lot better than just boasting about it. I’d hoped and imagined this for so long, and now it was finally happening. I wasn’t dreaming and this wasn’t a joke. He pulled away slowly, kissing my top lip a few more times. He sat back down next to me, and I looked over at him, licking my lips as he did the same. My heart was still beating rapidly, and I could feel that my cheeks were flushed, but I didn’t even care. The small smile I saw on his face made the one I had double, and I felt like I wanted to bounce around the room with how freaking excited I was.
“Deal breaker?” I asked when he continued to sit there in silence.
“What?” he asked, immediately looking over at me. “Fuck no.”
“You were quiet.”
“Thinking of . . . everything I’ve ever said to you.” He looked away. “Everything everyone’s ever said to you.”
I sighed and carefully reached up to thread my hand through his hair. He grunted and leaned into my hand, his eyes closing.
“You’ve gotta let it go,” I whispered.
“Have you?”
“That’s my problem.”
He grunted again. He placed his hands on my waist and twisted me around so that my back was to him, his legs suddenly on each side of me as he pulled me against his chest and wrapped his arms around me. He rested his chin on my shoulder, and I carefully leaned into him, resting my hands on his forearms.
“You’re probably the strongest person I’ve ever met,” he said. “And I’m sorry that it’s taken me all this time to see it.”
“You’ve gotta stop apologizing.”
“I was and probably still am one of the biggest assholes in our entire school, and I made your life hell for a very long time. I have a lot to apologize for.”
“You know something?” I asked, turning to look back at him.
“I know nothing.”
I rolled my eyes.
“You’re kind of making up for everything you’ve ever put me through right now. You’re probably very well aware that I’ve had this thing for you since freshman year and—”
“Whoa, what?” he interrupted.
I ducked my head a little and wringed my hands together.
“Yeah.”
“Seriously?”
“You’ve got to stop watching television with your mother.”
“And you’ve got to stop deflecting my questions.” He reached up his hand to frame my face. “Freshman year?”
I fidgeted.
“After everything I . . . you still . . .”
“I wanted to think the best of you because I saw something when you were with your family that I didn’t see in school.”
“And I just . . . I said . . . I did . . . all of that . . . all this time . . .”
“Full sentences, please,” I said.
He dropped his hands from my face, staring over my shoulder, and I was positive that I’d said and done something wrong. I closed my eyes tightly and was two seconds away from bolting up the stairs and locking myself in my room until graduation. I could do everything from home; there would be no logical reason for me to go back to school for more than getting my homework. Right?
“Why did you help me?” he whispered.
“What?”
“Why did you even bother helping me that day when I dropped my papers? Why did you? Anna, I don’t . . . I can’t believe that . . .”
His arms were around me again, pulling me back to his chest, and he rested his chin on my shoulder.
“I was sure there was still some of that little boy I used to play with hiding inside of you somewhere.”
“And there wasn’t
