“Originally, I just came on as a mechanic, but Gerald was looking for someone to pass the torch to. He’s not ready to retire, but doesn’t want all the hassle of running the place and I’ve always wanted to have my own shop, so it was a good fit. He’s built up a pretty steady clientele, too.”
Jason’s hands were wrapped around his beer stein, and I wanted to reach for them, to feel his strong fingers gripping mine. I wanted to tunnel into his uncomplicated life, where things seemed so safe and simple.
ON OUR SECOND DATE, WE drove to Niagara Falls. As we were walking along the path at the edge of the escarpment, our hair and faces wet with the mist blowing off the falls, I was agonizing over whether or not I should hold Jason’s hand. I had my camera slung around my neck, and was using one hand to stabilize it, but because of the crowded walkway, my other hand kept brushing up against his. It almost seemed like he was making a concerted effort not to hold my hand, so every time our hands touched, I moved mine away, too.
We walked in awkward tandem for a few more paces and while I was deciding what it might mean that he didn’t want to hold hands with me, he suddenly took my hand firmly in his and said, “Is this okay?”
We continued down the path like that, holding hands, weaving through the stream of pedestrians and strollers and yellow ponchos, with the roar of water crashing down beside us and the spray from the falls making our hair damp.
Jason edged us over to the railing and we stopped to look out at the roaring spectacle of Niagara Falls. He was still holding my hand so I didn’t take any pictures. I was afraid to let go of him. He leaned toward me, his lips parted just slightly and my heart raced. I lifted my head toward him, but just before he kissed me, his mouth skimmed past my lips and I realized he was saying something to me.
“Oh, sorry, I thought …” I fumbled to cover my embarrassment, but his comment, whatever it was, died out completely.
“Oh! Did you —”
“No! What? Never mind. You were about to say something?”
He leaned his head back and laughed. “You thought I was trying to kiss you, didn’t you?”
“For a second,” I admitted.
“And would that be a bad thing?”
“YOU COULD STAY OVER, IF you wanted,” Jason said casually. We were snuggled on his couch watching the credits to Iron Man. Neither of us made any effort to move.
We’d been dating for over two months, but things had been progressing slowly, so his suggestion caught me off guard.
“Are you sure?” I asked.
“You don’t have to — I just thought …”
“No, of course I want to! I only meant — I don’t know what I meant. Forget I said that.” We were sitting very close on the couch, but I could sense Jason shifting incrementally away from me. “Come here,” I said, wrapping my arms around him and pulling him back in. For once, I wanted to be the one to take the lead. Also, even though I’d just asked it of Jason, I wanted to convince myself that I was sure.
CHAPTER TEN
•
MOM FOLLOWED MY FLEDGING RELATIONSHIP with Jason closely, constantly asking me questions about him. With Christmas looming, she began making plans to have the two of us, and Parker, over for dinner.
“You’re not going to take everybody else’s shifts again, are you?” she asked.
Life had a different feel for me as the holidays approached — it was as if some of the magic had returned. Having someone other than my mother to shop for was a welcome change. I already knew what I was getting Jason, but somehow getting Parker’s gift right seemed eminently more important.
I went to the mall in Leeville, passing the Leon’s where I’d found Champ so many years ago, and made my determined way inside. I was feeling positive, but as I wandered past kiosks selling soap and calendars and personalized key chains, my confidence began to waver. I had no idea, really, what a kid his age liked to do. He was a quiet boy, and I’d seen him enough times to know that he liked books and puzzles, but he had so many of those already, I wanted to get him something special.
I walked into a hobby and games store, hoping something on one of the shelves would jump out at me. I finally settled on a model airplane kit, thinking it was similar to a puzzle in that it would require quiet concentration, but also because I could envision Parker and Jason sitting at their table, heads bent together, building the plane. I liked the idea of contributing to that future moment and intentionally or not, I wrapped a lot of hope around that model plane kit.
ON CHRISTMAS MORNING, I MADE my way to Jason’s apartment so that we could exchange our gifts and hang out before heading to my mom’s. It had worked out this year that Jason actually had Parker on Christmas Day, and Parker proudly showed me the presents he’d opened before breakfast. When I told him that I had one more for him, his face broke out into a beautiful smile. He reached out his hands eagerly.
“Just a minute, Parker,” Jason said. “We have something for Zoe too, don’t we? Why don’t you grab it for her?”
Parker half-skipped, half-danced to the artificial tree by the window, and scooped up a tiny box, perfectly wrapped with an elegant bow. “This is for you,” he said, setting the little package on my lap and looking up at me expectantly.
“Thank you.” I reached into my bag and pulled out a slim gift-wrapped box for Jason, then handed Parker his present. He sat
