‘If we work together, then yes,’ Mum replies, almost convincing in her confidence. ‘All you need to do is make him think that you are going to give him what he wants. Then I’ll take care of the rest.’
33
HEATHER
I never thought I’d see the day when I would have to convince my daughter to help me kill someone, but that’s just what I’ve spent the last ten minutes doing.
But maybe that’s not the craziest part.
The craziest part might be that she has agreed to go along with it.
Her initial disgust at what she had perceived as me offering her up to our blackmailer on a silver platter has now made way for a quiet understanding of what it is that I am hoping to achieve. Jimmy needs to go; there is no doubt about it. As long as he is out there, then we will never be safe. He could call us at any time with another demand, and we would be powerless to say no. At least this way, we are taking back the power, although any peace of mind we might have gained by Jimmy no longer being able to blackmail us will be traded off for the worry that will come from if anybody ever finds out what we have done to him.
I did briefly consider leaving, moving town and putting some distance between him and us, but that wouldn’t get us very far. There would be nothing stopping Jimmy just talking to the police, and even if he couldn’t track us down again, I’m sure they could.
I am not going on the run.
Therefore, I have no choice but to stay and fight.
My initial plan was a simple one. I just wanted to get Jimmy to the house, on the pretence that Chloe will be ready and waiting for him to meet his needs when he arrives. But no sooner would he be here then I would strike, nullifying his threat just like I nullified Tim’s threat ten years ago, although I wouldn’t be using the jagged shards of a broken wine bottle this time.
I’d probably go for a kitchen knife instead.
But then Chloe highlighted the risk involved in essentially jumping Jimmy as soon as he came through the door. While I might have the element of surprise in that situation, it runs the risk of my initial blow not killing him instantly, meaning he might have a chance of escape. What Chloe suggested we do is get him further into the house, to a place where we could ensure that even if he survived my first attack, he wouldn’t be able to get far before I finished the job.
That was when she suggested that we allow the plan to play out as far as Jimmy entering her bedroom and leave it to the last possible moment before he has sex with her before I move in. That way, he really would be unprepared for it and be completely distracted, as opposed to having his guard up when he first enters the house earlier in the night.
While I didn’t like the idea of leaving it late, I have to admit that Chloe makes a good point. I think there is more chance of this working if we can get him into her bedroom.
It’s a long way for him to run to the front door then.
So the plan is set. Jimmy will come here tomorrow evening at seven o’clock, and he will be expecting to be intimate with my daughter. Chloe and I will play along with that charade right up until the moment when he is in her room alone with her. Then I will enter and put a stop to this nightmare once and for all.
For someone who has not only killed before, but hidden a body, I might have thought that all that experience could have at least given me a little confidence going into tomorrow. But it doesn’t seem to be the case, and I’m already considering going out for another bottle of wine to help get me off to sleep tonight. I suppose that while I have committed crimes before, they were under very different circumstances to this next one. The first one with Tim was completely unplanned, an act of passion essentially, in which I was acting after the shock of discovering who he really was and in the fear that he might harm Chloe if I didn’t stop him. And with Rupert, he was already dead, so I was basically just part of the clean-up operation. But this time is very different.
This time, my crimes will be pre-meditated.
There is little defence for what I did to Rupert, and there isn’t much of one with what I plan to do to Jimmy. Unlike Tim, I had a choice in these cases. I didn’t have to hide Rupert, and I don’t have to kill Jimmy.
I’m choosing to.
What kind of person does that make me?
Everything that I’ve ever done wrong in my life has always been compartmentalised and placed under the category of ‘for my daughter’s safety.’ I wouldn’t have killed Tim if she hadn’t been sleeping upstairs when I discovered who he was. I wouldn’t have buried Rupert if she wouldn’t have had her life ruined by the infamy of the tragedy. And I wouldn’t be plotting to kill Jimmy if Chloe wasn’t at risk of spending a large part of her life behind bars. But at what point can I stop justifying my actions by telling myself that I am just trying to do the best thing for my child? At what point do I have to consider that there is no good excuse or reasoning behind my actions and that I’m nothing more than a killer with a cold streak?
At what point do I have to consider that I might be just as much of a bad guy as Tim and Jimmy?
But what choice do I have now? I’m
