It’s now been three weeks since he was last seen, and his family still don’t have answers. That’s because the only two people in the world who have them are Chloe and I, and neither of us are going to breathe a word. But that doesn’t mean we have got away with it. Far from it, in fact.
We’re just being punished in a different way.
What was once a close relationship between us has become a strained one, and neither Chloe nor I have been the same since all our secrets were laid out on the table that night in her bedroom shortly after Jimmy had died. It would have been weird if things had been able to go on as normal, but then we’ve obviously never had a healthy dynamic before, so maybe I wouldn’t have been surprised if we had been able to find a way through this troubled time too. But there is no doubt about it now.
My daughter and I are simply in each other’s lives because we have to be, not because we want to be.
If I’m honest, I’m just counting down the days until she goes to university. She is currently taking her exams, and all I can hope is that she performs well in them and achieves the grades she is capable of getting. But my desire for my daughter to succeed is not born out of the traditional wish of a parent to see their child reach their potential. Rather it is because I need her to pass her exams, so she gets into the university of her choice and moves out of my house, packing her bags for Newcastle and leaving for at least the next three years.
I know that I’m not going to settle until she is gone. How can I when I know that I am living under the same roof as a cold-blooded killer who saw me take another person’s life ten years ago and has now grown up with an interest in doing the same thing?
There is little doubt about it.
Chloe is a dangerous young woman.
As the last of my colleagues filter out of the briefing room, I force my weary body up out of my chair and fall into line behind them, not wanting to stand out from the crowd anywhere, least of all in a place like this. But just like everything else in my life, work is getting harder.
The police force is under growing pressure from the general public to produce results in the search for Rupert, something they have so far been unable to achieve. While each day that passes is a signal to the missing man’s family that he is most likely dead, there is still the need to produce a body as well as let the public know that they are not in any continued danger from the person or persons responsible for the young man no longer being around. That is why briefings like this one have just taken place. While the detectives and their teams work tirelessly in a different part of this police station to solve the mystery of what happened to Rupert, constables like myself are kept abreast of the situation and told to keep an eye out for any clues while on the beat around town. Homes have been searched. Parks and playgrounds have been scoured. And rewards have been offered for anybody who could come forward with information that might lead to Rupert being safely reunited with his family. But so far, nothing has come of it all.
Rupert is still buried in the hole I put him in.
And my daughter has got away with his murder.
I hadn’t thought it possible to feel any worse about what happened to Rupert than I already did, but I’d been proven wrong when I found out that his death hadn’t been an accident at all. The fact that Chloe wilfully took his life changes everything. It certainly would have changed how I handled the following hours after it. I wouldn’t have been so eager to help her cover it up if I had known that she had caused it on purpose. Instead, I would have been more interested in finding out why she had done it and getting her some help before she took another innocent person’s life. I would have done the right thing and called the police.
Or at least I like to think that I would have.
But how do I know that for sure? How do I know that I still wouldn’t have tried to keep my daughter out of prison, even if I was fully aware that she was dangerous? I’m her mother, which means I can’t just turn off my feelings towards her. I will always love her, and I will always want what’s best for her, no matter what she has done.
But what am I supposed to do?
Ever since learning about who my daughter really is, I have been facing an impossible dilemma. Do I give her up, and in the process, implicate myself for helping her, just to give Rupert’s family the answers they deserve? Or do I continue to carry her secret with me day after day, living with the knowledge that the person I should feel closest to in the whole world is a dangerous and deadly individual who might kill again if she isn’t stopped?
It’s no wonder my supervisor commented on how sleepy I looked just after the briefing had finished. I’ve been up late every night since Chloe told me who she really was, and I’ve been drinking even more than I used to. I’ve lost count of how many bottles of wine I have consumed over these last few weeks, and I haven’t
