We were only moments into the speaker’s presentation that night when I realized that none of these things made my son immune. In fact, some of the very things I had always loved about him—his drive, his desire to be the best he could possibly be—were the very things that could make him vulnerable. The speaker described his own successes, athletic and academic and professional, and the tempting and temporary comfort that came from the painkillers he was given after an injury. For the first time in his life, he had found something that took the edge off the depressing and debilitating thought that, in spite of his successes, he had never been, and could never be, enough.
I wept as I saw my son in him.
So even though writers are not supposed to be obvious about the message within a novel, I want to state it here, for any reader who needs it:
You are enough.
Your worth doesn’t come from the court, or your paycheck, or your number of likes or followers or whatever society seems to be telling you is important. It comes from the beating, bleeding heart inside you. Head, hands, heart. That’s it.
In contrast to the events that occur in this book, addiction of any type is not a problem any of us should feel we have to take on without the help and support of the people who care about us most. When families are involved in the recovery process, people (and especially kids) do better, not worse.
All people and events in this story are fictional, except one: Coach Braithwaite is based on my own great-uncle Wilbur Braithwaite, whose life and example formed the heart of this story and served as the heart of the town of Manti, Utah, throughout his life. With his wife, Jane, by his side, Wilbur coached basketball and tennis at Manti High School for fifty-one years, guiding his teams to eleven state championships—and earning himself a spot in the National High School Hall of Fame—without ever receiving a single technical foul! Wilbur’s résumé is impressive, even beyond his coaching record: he held a master’s degree from the University of Michigan and received a Purple Heart for wounds sustained in World War II. He played the piano and clarinet and wrote music and poetry.
A wise and thoughtful friend of mine, Conrad Wesselhoeft, once described to me his love for literature that explores “the cross-pollination of wisdom across the generations.” He spoke those words right as I was wondering whether I could have the points of view of an eleven-year-old and an eighty-five-year-old in a young adult novel. I was so grateful for these words every time Luke’s and Coach B’s voices found their way into the book.
Because, of course, none of what happens in this story—or, indeed, in life—happens in isolation. If you or somebody you care about is struggling with addiction, please know that you’re not alone, and that you are enough. And please, please, reach out for help.
Here are a few places you could start:
Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration: SAMHSA offers a twenty-four-hour national helpline that provides free and confidential treatment referral and information about mental and/or substance use disorders, prevention, and recovery. Its website has a treatment program locator, where patients can find authorized programs across the country that treat addiction and dependence on opioids, such as heroin or prescription pain relievers. Call 1-800-662-HELP (4357) or visit samhsa.gov/find-help.
Partnership for Drug-Free Kids: This organization’s helpline makes bilingual support specialists available (Monday to Friday, 9 a.m. to midnight, and Saturday to Sunday, noon to 5 p.m., Eastern time) to those concerned about a young person. Call 1-855-DRUGFREE (1-855-378-4373) or visit drugfree.org/get-help/helpline.
National Institute on Drug Abuse: NIDA’s website offers general information about opioids and published research articles about opioid abuse and treatment. drugabuse.gov/drugs-abuse/opioids
Narcotics Anonymous: NA’s website offers information about support for people with addiction who wish to maintain a drug-free lifestyle and about where to find local meetings. na.org
American Academy of Addiction Psychiatry: AAAP’s website offers resources for patients and their families. aaap.org/patient-resources /helpful-links
(List adapted from abcnews.go.com/Health /resources-heroin-opioid-addiction -treatment-support/story?id=37352500.)
It’s hard to express my gratitude for the championship team that helped bring this book into the world, but I’ll try:
Ammi-Joan Paquette, thank you for your endless wisdom, your fierce advocacy, your unflagging confidence in me and my work, and your genuine friendship.
Michelle Frey, thank you for believing in me and in this story and for shaping it into something far better than I could have dreamed. Huge thanks to Nancee Adams, Jim Armstrong, Artie Bennett, Jake Eldred, Arely Guzmán, Amy Schroeder, Ray Shappell, Neil Swaab, and the entire team at Knopf.
I’m doubly lucky to have the input and expertise of two incredible writing groups. Jenn Bertman, Helen Boswell, Ann Braden, Tara Dairman, Rosalyn Eves, Tasha Seegmiller, and Erin Shakespear: Your friendship means the world to me, and you make every page better, every time.
To my EMLA family, your emotional and enthusiastic response to the first pages of this book kept me going every single time I started to doubt myself or this story.
Heaps of gratitude to the expert readers who helped me get it right in terms of everything from astronomy to police procedure to painkiller addiction to recruiting practices to poetry: Todd Brown, Tracy Fails, Kari Ann Holt, Sharon Levy, Justin Ludlow, Carter Miller, Cameron Pace, Nick Parson, and Chloe Seegmiller. Any mistakes are my own, and sometimes I chose to have my characters make decisions that were not exercising their best judgment or applying first-line treatment.
And to the home team:
Mom and Dad, thank you for showing me what it looks like to be hardworking, kind, and honest—and what it feels like to be loved unconditionally.
Robbie, you made a difference in
