Nodding, Gillian watched him circle the truck and hop in before she slid over to sit against him. She soaked up the warmth, the love in his smile, and curled against him, her palm on his thigh as they pulled out of the parking lot.
Chapter 28
Five weeks later
“You look tired.”
Jack’s soft voice pulled Gillian from the contemplative state she’d fallen into. Her drive back from the clinic had been slow, a nagging weight hanging around her neck as the doctor’s words echoed in her head. Glancing up at him from where she’d sought comfort, she offered a tired smile. “Hey, did you talk to Lenny?”
Jack nodded, a pensive look on his face. “Yes, I did. He said he was sorry for being a raving ass. Said he didn’t want to believe something like this could happen. Asked if I wanted my old job back. I told him no, I was looking at other options. How’d it go with the lawyers?” He squeezed her shoulder before heading for the kitchen.
“Fine. The trial’s going to last another week.” Gillian rose from the couch, followed Jack into the kitchen, and leaned against the counter. Her heart galloping in her chest, she transferred her weight, her mind racing over the hectic pace of the day. Thank God he only knew about her meeting with the lawyers. Deciding to go the safest route, she fiddled with a loose thread on her shirt. “Mom wants to see me.”
“What do you want to do?”
Gillian chewed on her lip and stared at him. Mixed emotions swirled, dragging her into a quagmire of indecision. She knew what she wanted to do, but it wasn’t a healthy option. Doctor Reimer had suggested it might be a good idea. The closure she’d get would be unrivaled. It wasn’t the situation with her mother, however, that had her on pins and needles.
The looks Jack got when they went out said it all. Sooner or later, he’d realize she wasn’t the woman for him. No matter how hot the sex was, there wasn’t enough to hold him. Resolve stiffened her spine as she stared at Jack for a moment before shrugging. “With the trial coming to a close and Michael being transferred out of province, I was thinking maybe I should find another place to live. I can’t live off you forever, and—”
“What in the hell are you talking about? I thought this was settled?” Jack gaped at her.
“I don’t doubt you love me, but we both know I’m not what you need.”
“Says who?”
“I’m not stupid, Jack. I see the pity, the doubt in everyone’s gaze when they see us together. That woman nearly choked on her gum when she saw you take my hand.”
“Shelli’s just a bitch.”
“But she’s pretty! She’s the kind of woman you wanted.” Cursing her own self-confidence issues, she plucked at her shirt. “I can’t, no I won’t, compete with that. I know you think you—”
“She’s the kind of woman I used to sleep with. Doesn’t mean I want her now.” Jack sighed. “Why are you throwing up road blocks now?”
Road blocks? She wasn’t throwing up road blocks. Rather she was trying to keep the small shreds of pride she had left. Sooner or later, she knew, she just knew where this was going even if he wasn’t willing to face it.
“Gilli, answer me. What did I do?” The pain in his eyes ripped at her heart. Guilt settled like a worn old cloak around her as she licked her lips.
“Nothing. It’s me.”
“Catchphrase for everyone who wants to dump someone. What, now things are settled down you want out? I’m not good enough for you? What is it, Gillian? Maybe I don’t treat you like shit so therefore—”
“I can’t give you anything!” Gillian screamed, tears choking her. “Don’t you understand? Can’t you see what’s right in front of you?”
“No, I can’t. All I see is you trying to find a way out of this relationship like it’s suddenly too small for you. Damn it, Gillian, I love you. What do I have to do to make you see, make you believe me? Damn it, I’m not that guy anymore. I’m not out for a random fuck. I love you. You, not anyone else, and I’m willing to fight for us.”
Gillian sobbed and shook her head. “I do believe you.”
“Then tell me what the hell is going on. Be honest with me for fuck’s sake. I’m not your ex, nor am I your mother.”
Paling, Gillian stared at him, her heart in her throat. With a sickening sensation, she realized she’d projected her fear of them onto him. Dealing with the lawyers, the trial, and her mother, coupled with the news from the doctor, and she’d cracked, broken like a glass doll without anyone to catch her. Only there was: Jack would catch her because he loved her.
“Oh God.” She held a hand to her lips and rocked back and forth. “No, no, I didn’t. Please, I’m sorry. I’m sorry.”
“Stop apologizing for everything. Just talk to me, baby. Please.”
“How can I explain?”
“Trust me.” Jack pleaded as he pulled her into his arms. “Just let go. No matter what, I’m gonna catch you. I won’t let you fall.”
“You deserve someone whole, someone who can give you things I can’t.”
“Like what?” Rocking back and forth, Jack held her close.
“A future.”
“We’ll have one. I love you, and I know you love me, Gillian.”
Wrapped in the warmth of his arms, Gillian could feel the doubt ease, the weight slip from her shoulders. “She said I can’t have babies.” She cringed at the words, waiting for the explosion, the fury to lash at her like a whip.
“And?” Jack tensed against her.
“Isn’t that enough?”
Jack pressed a kiss to her head and then pushed her away. “Beyond your inability to have a baby, what else happened? Did you talk to your mother already? Did she say something to upset you? Because I think you need to. I’ll be right
